Trying to Lose it...

Visalus, it really works!

2011-08-04T13:22:00.002-04:00

So I started the "Body by Vi" challenge 14 days ago. I've had a wedding to attend, and a weekend of depression which caused me to overindulge, and I've still lost 7 lbs in 14 days, and several inches.

Now that I know it works, while doing it half assed, I am going to get on it 100% and see my results.

I've had a couple stressful weeks, I've been working at becoming debt free (everything except for my mortgage).. which is hard. It's brutal trying to be on a strict budget, when so many of my friends have spouses that also work, or they don't own a home and so they seem to have endless funds... But I made it work.. I talked to a banker, got my crap together, and I am now happy to say I am debt free!

So I think with this, and with the success of the Body by Vi challenge, things are looking up for me. I'm still very single, and still feeling very lonely, but I believe that the more I get myself in shape, and the more I have faith and confidence in myself, that things will improve and I will become much more social again..

Already the community of people I've met through Visalus have welcomed me with open arms.. I was invited away for this past Canadian Long weekend to the beach with one, and am going to lunch on saturday before work with another....

Who knows.... with my weight going down, things may be looking up!

xoxo

Rent-a-friend

2011-07-17T14:52:00.003-04:00

You know when you let something bother you, you know you shouldn't, but you can't help it and it does?

I've been re-evaluating myself, and my friendships recently. My best girlfriend and I haven't said more that a couple words to each other since July 1st... and the only reason those words were shared was because we both happened to be at the dog park at the same time.. and it was awkward! .... So that really really sucks....

Another girlfriend of mine was becoming one of my best friends (I have a couple girls that I would say are my best friends...) until an event based around her came and went, and suddenly I was of no use to her anymore.. I was supposed to go to a cottage with her, and I was uninvited due to space issues... in the last week she's texted me once.. It was my holiday week... so it would have been nice if my plans hadn't fallen through.. 2 days before we were supposed to go.....

Another girl and I were supposed to go for drinks and spend a day on a patio, but she "forgot" all about it... and then after we rescheduled, she ended up being too busy...... hmmm

There are a couple more things happening.. misunderstandings, hurt feelings and such...

So everything.. the culmination of everything.. makes me feel like I'm just a lousy friend, or an easy throw away friend.. I would do anything for my friends.. and I mean anything... so why is it that when all is said and done at the end of the week I sit home alone and watch movies with my cat... hoping beyond hope that someone will text me and want to connect with me..

I know that communication works both ways.. but how many times can I text someone first? Why am I always the one that is always the one who has to put it all out there, and do all the work in a relationship..

Grr.. I think I'm just overly lonely and feeling so pathetic.... I think it's time for a bike ride to clear my head...

If anyone wants a friend, you know where to find me.. lol

xoxo

Whose Perception Is True Reality?

2011-07-14T12:26:00.002-04:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently....

I remember when I weighed 358lbs... I remember looking at girls who weighed somewhere in the 200's and wishing I was them.. thinking how I wanted to be thin like them...

Then I was a girl in her 200's... looking at a girl in the high 100's and still wanted to be thin like them...

Now I'm a girl in the high 100's... and I look at girls in the 170's and I want to be thin like them...

When will I realize I've been every one of those thin sizes, and never been happy?

When I finally hit the 200's I wanted to be in the 100's.. when I hit the 100's .. I wanted to be in the 180's .. then the 170's... and yet I was never happy with the thin person I had begun..

Now I'm back in the 190's... and I feel so fat and ugly..... and yet I need to realize, to someone out there .. I am thin...

I think we have the same perception when it comes to beauty too. I don't think the majority of us really see the true beauty we possess.. I get told often enough that I'm beautiful.... but I see the things I want to change.. and truth be told with me.. my uglyness is all based on my weight.

I felt my most beautiful when I went to Egypt, and the winter that followed that. I was weighing in at 172lbs. I felt like I was the Bee's Knees.. I felt like the outside me finally matched the fun loving, vibrant girl that was trapped on the inside for so so long.....

Now I'm back around 195lbs.. and I feel trapped once again... I feel trapped by my perception... I have to remember that someone out there looks at me and wishes they were my size...

I met some new people recently through a mutual friend.... and that friend called me up yesterday afternoon to tell me how much her one friend loved me, saying I was a beautiful and funny girl who seemed like someone she could truly be friends with.... I was shocked.. I'm not good at hearing and accepting compliments, but that was one I truly wanted to be able to..

I'm really hoping that in time my perception will change, and I'll see myself for the beautiful woman other's see me as... I think only then, will I be able to start dating again and have a successful relationship, and possibly get ahead at work.

This lack of confidence causes so many other things to happen in one's life.. not just with men and work.. but quite often the way you feel about yourself.. the insecurities and poor self esteem shows on the outside.. and if you're anything like me, you wear your heart on your sleeve, and your emotions on your face.. I'm nothing but an open book...

I'm going to try to start with the positive personal affirmation of myself, and I'm going to try to begin and end the day by saying one good thing that I like about myself.. it sounds Oh So Corny, I know.. but I think it may be something that will help me start to think about myself the way others do...

So today I will leave you with my PPA...

I love the way I laugh..

until next time

xoxo

Thank You Decision Makers!

2011-07-14T00:46:00.003-04:00

So I wanted someone else to make the decision for me... and that happened!

Who knew it could be that simple?

My co-worker and his wife helped me out, and signed me up for the program.. so now all I have to do is wait, wait for the product to show up.. and I honestly cannot wait.. I want to see how I behave on the program, how it works for me.. and how my body will change..

I took all of my measurements today... YIKES! Who knew I was basically a box... I pray I see real results with inches lost... I also weighed myself.. and I'm retaining loads of water, because although I realize I haven't behaved myself 100% this week (I'm on holidays..) I know I haven't eaten enough food to cause me to gain 9 pounds! (yes 9 effing pounds!)...

So tomorrow, even though the product won't be here, things are going to change... I'm going to start working out again.. oh my... and eating well... I see a lot of salads and protein in my future.. mmm mmm good!..

I was so nervous about how my girlfriend would react when she learned that I was working with my co-worker and his wife.. originally I told them I wanted to work with her... but financially I wasn't going to be able to do either for a week or so... but I was granted a gift... anyway.. so here I was worried that our friendship would truly suffer.. but she is such a terrific girl... she was so understanding.. and wonderful..

I AM SO BLESSED to have an amazing friend like her in my life.. I feel so so so blessed.. I love her!

Okay well... I think I better head off to bed.. as it's almost 1 am in dear old Canada.. and I want to be up around 7am to go for a run.. I am so excited about the changes that will be coming in my life!

I hope everyone out there in blog land is doing well..

better blogs to follow... this I promise you!

xoxo

Totally Sold!

2011-07-12T11:41:00.003-04:00

Okay so I went to an information seminar yesterday about that "product" that will help boost weight loss, and I am 100% sold on it.

However, now I am completely torn.

First off, I went to my co-workers information session, not my girlfriend's. Why? I wanted to be sure I went to one where my heart wasn't involved. If I went to my girlfriend's party, I knew I would feel obligated to sign up. Going to Pat's wife's party, well I thought I'd be removed from emotion.. however she was so excited to have me there, telling me how her husband speaks so highly of me (awwww) and that she knew I'd be so successful using this "product".... the motivation and support will be there... but now.. I'm torn......

Who do I sign up with? Either way, someone is making money off me.... but if I go with Pat's wife, I have a support system constantly at work.. and there are more people from my work that I met last night that would support and motivate me...

Or...

Do I go with my girlfriend. Help her earn a little more money.. but not have the constant support.. Not that she wouldn't support me.. but I don't see her on a daily basis. Her group isn't work based, and her parties would not be conducive with my work schedule.....

Someone is going to get hurt regardless of whom I decide to go with...

I hate the hard decisions.... hate them!

I know I'm going to be successful with this product.. and I know I can get other people on board with it... I'm so excited to start using it... but who who who do I go with????

Anyone want to make this decision for me?

For now, I'm going to take my measurements, and weigh myself.. and see how it goes....

bye for now..

xoxo

What's your number?

2011-07-11T15:25:00.002-04:00

Why is it that we are all so focused on our numbers? I'm _ _ _ lbs... I'm 30 years old... I have _ _ _ facebook friends.. get me at 519 - 555 -_ _ _ _ .. my Black berry pin is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ...

Seriously.. when did we go from saying, I'm Me.. and I'm fabulous... to saying I'm a 3 figure weight, a 10 digit phone number and so on...

I know I'm heavy.. I'm not denying that... and tomorrow I'm going to do my best to step on my Wii fit scale and NOT look at the number... and in one week I'll get back on that scale and I'll see how I've done... I need to lose weight.. but I'm not going to let that number define me anymore.

When I went to Egypt I weighed in at a healthy 173 lbs.... and I was soooooo happy. I felt sooooo sexy... but I was so focused on the number that I never let myself enjoy the thin me... now at about 20 pounds heavier, all I can do is focus on the fat.. I remember when I sat down and my stomach didn't bulge out, touching my arms... when my legs weren't rubbing together when I walked... when I didn't feel like my pants were suffocating me... when my chin was a single member..

Although some people tell me that they don't notice I've gained weight, except for my boobs getting bigger (my male friends have made that observation...), I can feel it.. I feel self conscious again, and like I'm a big old blob... (okay okay.. I'm not that old..)

I wake up with all the motivation in the world.. I'll go for a run, or a bike ride, or to the gym today... then a couple hours set in and all I want to do is nap. I used to have an insane drive, a wonderful sense of self worth that made me walk my fat ass into the gym and do my squats, crunches and 60 minutes on various cardio machines.. and now.. well if I walk to and from the fridge, well that's an accomplishment...

Even as I write this I'm thinking of 173.. and possibly 5 more pounds after that to get me into the 160's... oh wouldn't that be marvelous.. but again... that's me focusing on numbers.. I have to get into my head that I want to be healthy... but that isn't it.. I want to be sexy. I want men to look at me and want to get to know me better...

One day I'd love to be a wife and a mother.. for now it's me and my kitty... and my food... hmmm.. I really need to get my priorities in order..

I'm going to do my best to stop focusing on the number and instead focus on the goal me.. thin.. happy.. healthy.... ahhhhh.. maybe, just maybe I'll succeed in this way of thinking..

Tonight is the meeting about that "program" I've talked about previously... I'll see how it is.. and I'll report back if it's working for me..

Until next time.. stop focusing on your number, and instead focus on the goal you!

x0x0

Have a new attitude.. until the licorice comes out..

2011-07-10T12:13:00.002-04:00

Found a new weakness.. thought that it was only Chocolate.. but now I have discovered the newer sour twizzlers... and I enjoy them WAY TOO MUCH!

I was doing so well yesterday. I was buying some salsa, because I was thinking of making a baked potato or something for dinner.. and then I turn around and the candy selection was behind me..

well I can buy a bag or two and have a piece every now and then right? I won't eat them all right? I can actually express some kind of will power here right?

WRONG!

I'm lost .. I can't believe that I've eaten BOTH bags in the last 24 hours!

I really need to reign in this hazardous behaviour. I think after my visit tomorrow night, when I learn more about that "product" I spoke of in my last post, I'll be able to really focus on myself.. and on my health.. and on making myself look fierce!

I remember when I went to Egypt.. I felt on top of the world.. the belle of the ball.. so so so beautiful and thin.. I need to remember the way I felt next time I go to grab some goodies... and realize they are really baddies!

Time to start my sunday.. off to buy a wedding gift for someone who is beautiful and has found a man to love her... *le sigh*..

until next time

xoxo

New Direction??

2011-07-08T13:50:00.002-04:00

In January (I believe...) a co-worker of mine approached me about trying a new product that his wife had signed up for. It promises great results, whether you want to lose weight, tone, or simply gain energy...

I'm always very wary of these "products" that promise these results by simply taking a pill, or substituting a meal with a shake.. but I looked at the info to humour him.

I was impressed by the testimonials, and the information, but the price of the package I was looking at ($250/month) was just far too much money for me.. Sadly I told him that although I was interested in learning more, at this time it wasn't for me..

Fast forward to July 2011,... One of my best girlfriends started using this exact same product and told me more about it.. still unsure due to the price, I looked it to it yet again.. that very same day, my co-worker said "I think you should rethink using this product..." and was shocked that I had another friend telling me about it..

Now here I am.. in a true dilema.. who do I go with. I know now that I want to use this product, as I am not enjoying the Weight Watchers environment anymore (it's turned into a self help group for the 40 somethings... blarg!!!), but I do know this product works well with the Weight Watchers program...

But who?

My girlfriend who approached me just recently? Someone who I can tell anything to and she never judges me.. always there for a shoulder to cry on, or to laugh with...

Or my co-worker, who I consider a good friend, who I go to with my problems, who I can trust with anything...

I think no matter who I chose to go with I'm going to hurt someone's feelings... grrr...

On top of this dilema, my best friend and I are having a bad time. I messed up and she's now really hurt and upset with me... If only life was as easy as a sitcom.. you have a problem.. but in 22 minutes everything is fixed and we can all laugh about it...

Maybe this just isn't my month.. in the past month I've been rear ended, then I rear ended someone (wtf?), then I got passed up for a promotion, and now my bestfriend and I are not on speaking terms... and to top it all off.. I'm horribly single!!! lol... deep breaths.. and I'll get through it!

Oh well.. I'm going to try to get myself back into BLOG LAND.... I used to love blogging. It was a perfect outlet for when the days got rough, and the food looked tempting...

I weighed myself on Saturday and I came in at a whopping 197.7... oh my freaking goodness!! How have I gained almost 30 pounds back?? I have been focused all week, given up alcohol and worked out 3 times... I'm praying I see results tomorrow when I hop back onto my Wii fit and see what it says...

Okay this was a boring blog.. I apologize.. it will get better! The humour will return, and the light hearted girl you all knew before will be back.... I just have to get back to being me...

I'm praying this new direction will get me there...

until next time..

x0x0

Playing the "What If" game.....

2011-03-17T15:34:00.004-04:00

So here I sit, thinking about my Dad.. wondering WHAT life would be like IF he were still alive. Would I be different? Would I have struggled so much with my weight? Would I have finished University? Would I be married with kids?

My weight problems began shortly after my Dad passed away. I was always the kid that wanted candy and sweets when I was growing up, but once my Dad passed it was where I found my comfort. Kids were cruel, but food wasn't. It was always there to make me feel better.. it was my friend. It didn't disappoint, it didn't judge.. it just provided the warmth...

Today I'm feeling it, I'm not crying, but I would love to buy a big bag of Mini Eggs *mmm chocolate* and sit at home eating.. but I won't. I went for a sensible lunch (pita pit!) and have just made a yummy chicken stir fry for my dinner at work tonight..

I don't know what's making the difference right now, or how I have the motivation to push past my cravings, but I'm doing it...

I'd like to think that if my Dad were still alive he'd be proud of me. I think he'd look at what I've accomplished, where I've been, who I've become and smile.. knowing that I grew up right...

Now if only I could look at myself the same way...

One step at a time.. this journey continues...

xoxo

Quick Check In...

2011-03-16T15:30:00.002-04:00

Okay folks.. here is a quick post by this girl...

Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of my Dad's death. It's a horrible day for me, and I usually end up being utterly depressed and eating everything in sight...

I've been back on track with Weight Watchers all week and have lost 5.1 lbs so far this week.... so I'm praying that will help me push through the pain and sadness tomorrow and stay on track...

I see that I'm 16 pounds away from where I was at my lightest... I was so happy then. I felt like I could conquer anything. That I was on top of the world. I was sexy, I was happy, I was strong, I was an animal! Now I feel fluffy, fat, powerless, sad... so I think we can all see where this is going... I need to lose this weight again, tone up, make myself the powerful happy woman I was... I think that ultimately it impacts my whole life.. work, love, friends, etc.... I wanna fall in love, so I need to be the person someone can fall in love with..

Anyway.. I promised this would be quick.. so here it is... tomorrow will be a hard day, but I'm going to do EVERYTHING IN MY CONTROL TO KEEP CONTROL!

Think good thoughts for me on the 17th.

that's it for me for now...

xoxo

2010-11-25T05:13:00.001-05:00

I'm at a point where I need to find happiness in who I am.. I find a lot of my self worth comes from being with a man, or trying to lose weight, so people will tell me how good I look.

Apparently I'm a desireable girl. Guys want to date me. They aren't utterly repulsed by my face, or body (shocker!), or hair, or overall appearance... So why is it that I'm stressing so hard over the fact that I'm not 150 pounds? Why can't I see myself as a gorgeous woman? Why can't I feel sexy?

Why do I want to lose weight? Is it because I want to be healthy? (at one point that may have been true. But what benefit does being healthy bring me right now? Sure I'll live longer... but who will I spend that time with? (can you tell I'm really lonely?)...) Is it because society tells me I need to be thin? (Not really, since 2 out of 3 Americans are "Obese".... I know I'm Canadian, but our society isn't that different...) Is it because I want to be smokin' hot? (Hell Yeah!)..

So now that I know this is merely a vanity thing... I have to then really think about this... If I want to change my hair colour, do I wait years to do it? No, I do it ASAP....
If I want to buy that new "it" clothing item, do I buy anything else, telling myself that will be my "next" purchase? No...again.. I get it (as long as it's not waaaayyy outta my price range!)..

So why is it that I'm putting this off?

Not only that... I'm working out like mad.. only to eat like a crazy son of a gun... That's just ridiculous! How about not exercising.... and just not eating the crazy food.. then I can have way more sleep and my legs won't hurt so much.. I also won't feel like everything I'm doing is for nothing! Like I'm running on a treadmill, and just not getting anywhere!

So ... how am I going to go about this?
That, ladies and gentlemen, is a very, very good question!

I'll check in again soon.
xoxo

Hmmmfff.. From Success to Disasters..

2010-11-23T04:25:00.000-05:00

So it's T?DOTROML...
It's only been a week, but I seem to have lost count already... hmm... I think I've got sometimers (lame joke, this I know...)..

So last week seemed to be a bit of a success, I don't know what exactly I did, but I do know I lost 3.2 pounds... hmmmmm..... Yay me? I thought for sure I would have gained... so I stood there, holding my breath, not wanting to hear the skinny b*%$h say "What do you think you did wrong?" (btw, I hate it when they ask me this... what did I do wrong? I ate my bloody face off.... I'm not dummy I know how to gain weight, it's how to lose it that I'm clueless at!)... so I know I didn't over indulge last week, but I only made it to the gym for hard workouts 2 times, and I only went for 1 run, and I didn't do weights at all, but something worked.... who knows....

This weekend was also a success... a successful "drink all the wine you have in the house" weekend. I polished off 2 bottles at least on Saturday night, during my rustic Italian Dinner party I hosted, and 3 of my WW friends attended (2 being WW leaders...)... we ate loads, drank loads, and laughed loads.. that's a very successful dinner party, if I do say so myself!

So yesterday I woke up with a wicked hangover... I'm not the typical hangover girl, who pukes and is good to go... no instead I get a wicked headache and feel the need to sleep all day... only... I had plans... I had invited 4 friends to go for sushi lunch... which I attended, and enjoyed, and then went right home to lie on the couch and sleep! I then woke up around 4:30pm.... to watch Harry Potter, hit starbucks, continue to watch Harry Potter, eat the rest of the TIramisu from Saturday's Dinenr party, and then finish watching Harry Potter.... (I had to watch the 6th one again before I saw the newest one last night in the Theatre...).. then I headed out to pick up a girlfriend and a guyfriend to see Harry Potte and the Deathly Hallows (Oh so good!).... So I got home from Harry, realized my headache was finally gone.. had a massive glass of wine (apparently I just don't learn....) and ate the rest of the asiago cheese and artichoke dip with the remainder bread sticks.. what a waste of a day.. food wise it was yummy yummy yummy... but food wise it was also bad bad bad! I can't imagine just how many calories, grams of fat, needless preservatives I put into my system.... But do I regret it? Not so much.... wil I regret it on Saturday at the scale? You bet your sweet ass I will!

So here I start again.. I know I can't let my weekends rule my week, and my weight, so I need to figure out what I'm going to do exactly. I think both December 4, and December 11 will be good weekends weight wise, seeing as I'm schedueled to run a 5 km run both weekends, and after one of those I never wanna cheat.. but we're also coming into the Christmas season.. and this girl LOVES to celebrate!

I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to have my annual Christmas party, but I don't know if I want to spend the money, time, and energy hosting one this year.... Since I live alone, don't have kids, and have no family that visits me.. I don't know if then I should even bother decorating the inside of my house... only I will see it... oh.... now that makes me sad.. maybe I'll have a Christmas tea on a sunday afternoon or something.. who knows....

Okay well I guess I should sign off for now..
always and forever.
xoxox

TSDOTROML

2010-11-16T12:56:00.003-05:00

I'd love to say that yesterday was an unbelievable success, but I can't lie.. I had a stumble or two. But I did go out for a run, it was only 3 km, but I'm back at it.

It's almost 1pm, and I just finished my breakfast. It's 2 slices of butterball turkey bacon (2 weight watcher points), 1 Omega3 egg, and 2 egg whites (3 points), 11g of cheese (1point)... so for 6 points I'm full! Turkey bacon is really enjoyable, and very easy. I like to cook it all up ahead of time, and freeze it. Then when I make my eggs the next time, the bacon is easy to throw into the pan for 30 seconds, and voila, a meal in 5 minutes!

For all those asking "what do you mean you just had breakfast?". I work for an automobile factory, and I am on afternoon shift, so I didn't go to bed until 5am. Now the problem with this, I got off of work at 2:15am.. I live 15 minutes away from work.. it maybe takes me 25 minutes to get from my work area to the locker room to get changed, to my car. So that really puts me getting home around 3- 3;15am ish... and yet I stayed up until 5 am? Why? I sat up and watched a little Mike & Molly, and then another drama.... why??????

This morning I wanted to go to a spin class, but was WAY TOO TIRED when I woke up at 11;45am.... so the goal for tonight is to go to bed ASAP after work.. think I can do it? Oh I hope so!

To be honest last night, my pants at work were SO DAMN TIRED! and I ended up coming home feeling very sad and depressed... so even though I think I'm just a little that time of the month bloated (TMI!!!), I still know I feel like I'm a walking beer keg.... so it's a little motivation!

Well I have to go shopping. My list is made.. lunch today is just a smoothie, but I have to make my salad dinner for tonight at work still..

And one more thing.. not only am I trying to get to my goal weight by October 16, 2011 (40 pounds to go!), but I'm also trying to get debt free (besides my car and mortgage....)... so lets see if I can do this eating healthy on a budget... I think with the lack of sushi and drinking, I may actually be saving money! haha

So off I go to the grocery store (PriceChopper!!!) and then to the gym.. and then to work.. I have a couple hours.... so lets see if I can do what I want!

Okay I'm in a much better mood right now..

so lets see how the second day goes!

xoxo

"TFDOTROML" ... I'll Explain....

2010-11-15T11:38:00.002-05:00

Well folks... it's TFDOTROML... which means "The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life"...

Now I know I've said this before, but once again, I fell off the wagon. I had a summer of enjoying Beer, Wine, Pizza, and loads and loads of SUSHI!

Now in moderation Sushi isn't bad... but when you go to an all you can eat place at least once a week, with all sorts of friends.... well the pounds get packed on.

I'm back in the 190's.. and I'm miserable. I am at a point where I don't want to date, even though there are a couple of options out there. ... ...

I think I've realized that when I was in the 170's I was SO very happy.... and if I had just maintained, instead of worried about how LONG it was going to take to get into the 150's... I may have just ended up continually losing and finally getting there.. but here I sit... 20 pounds heavier than I was last year, still wearing the same clothes because I REFUSE to go and buy some that are 2 sizes bigger! And.. I'm just miserable.

My first thought in the morning is "what am I going to eat today...." ... WTF? Something is messed up.. my brain has been wired incorrectly....

Even as I write this, I'm not thinking about going for a run.. I'm thinking about going and getting a burger or something... but I cannot continue on this pattern... I don't want to be this sad thinking about how I look... I want to have that self confidence I had last year when I went to Egypt. I felt like a million bucks... I looked like a million bucks...

Now I look like the Puff Stay marshmallow man...

So here's hoping that this really is TFDOTROML.....

I won't be a stranger, I'll keep you posted as to how this goes (because I also know that when I stopped blogging, I stopped caring...)..

I'll tty all soon!

xoxo

Loving the Nike +

2010-05-05T12:34:00.002-04:00

My title pretty much sums it up.. I absolutely LOVE my Nike+ (and my Adidas runners!)..

It really is funny, it's the small things that help keep me motivated. So having some random voice telling me "0.5km's completed" does it for me!

I'm pretty stoked when I get home and plug my ipod into my computer and see my graph of how I did.

Can't wait to become a running machine!

I'm hoping that this extra excercise, and eating properly, really pays off this week on the scale.. I'm hoping to lose 4 pounds.. I know it's unrealistic, but if I only lose 2 I'll be happy too!

I have to get my sweaty tooshy into the shower,

ciao for now!

xoxo

One Step At A Time...

2010-05-02T20:09:00.002-04:00

Well, these are my latest purchases. A brand spanking new pair of Adidas "SuperNova" cross trainers.. they're so pretty! And a Nike + .. the disk like thing goes into the shoe (either a Nike shoe, or any shoe compatible with the "Mi Coach" feature.. I lucked out!). Once you put the "bug" into your shoe, you slip the white thingy into your ipod, and it tracks your progress. It even tells you when you need to go faster, or slow down!

The shoes retail in Canada for $140 + taxes. And the Nike + for $40.

This was my latest "this will so make me want to work out" purchase... and it worked!

I bought the shoes today with my friend Nancy, and as soon as I dropped her off I headed right to the gym (yay for having my gym bag in my car from a week of neglecting to go to the gym...). I was so excited to use the bug, that I didn't read how to do so properly, and after my 5k, I rushed home to see how I did, and VOILA.. I didn't have the damn thing turned on! hahaha...

so tomorrow I'll have a full report, I'm pretty stoked about it though.

When I thought that the bug was tracking my work out, I busted my ass... I'm all about the visual success.. so I'm very excited about it! I can't wait to work out tomorrow.... this may have been the added motivation I needed right now!

Hope everyone is doing well!

xoxo

The Good, The Bad, and The Very Very Ugly..

2010-05-01T17:29:00.002-04:00

HaHa,

That's SOOOOOOooooOOOO not my bathroom, that is one of the NICER bathrooms I encountered in Egypt! LOL

It was just one of those weeks. I am feeling so much stress from work (yick) and from trying to lose weight (double yick) and I ended up just being worn out by Wednesday. So I left work at lunch, and took Thursday off too. Let's hear it for "Mental Health Days"! WOOHOO

I can honestly say I feel So much better!

I lost 1.2 this week, and I feel okay with that, not great, not bad, just okay.

I have to focus this week, I have to track, go to the gym consistently, and really really give it 100%!

It's fairly funny. Today at Weight Watchers a lady said how hard it is for her, she has about 80 pounds to lose... she's where I was when I started at WW. She said it seems like so much that she sees it as unattainable, and if she only had 30 to lose she'd be laughing. Meanwhile, when I had 80 to go I found it so easy, and now that I'm at just under 30 to go, I'm lost, I feel daunted, like it's just too far away now.

It also doesn't help when my family and some friends keep telling me I've lost enough, and I should be happy where I'm at.

WTF?

If you want to get to Italy, would you take a plane to England and say, well that's close enough, so I'm good here ?

Okay perhaps that's not the best example, but C'mon people! A little encouragement! LOL

So we'll see how this week goes.. hoping to get back into the 170's.... I think I can!

Hope you all have had a fabulous losing week!

xoxo

Another Week Lost...

2010-04-25T20:08:00.002-04:00

Grrr.. This past week was such a waste. I was SICK all freaking week, and had ZERO energy. So I didn't go to the gym once. I just SLEPT the week away, when I wasn't working, I was sleeping.. I was a total Slug.. yikes!

I have no idea if I lost or gained this week... I had to work yesterday and totally missed my meeting.... maybe it's a good thing... in my head I lost......

So I have 25 weeks until I turn 30. So what am I going to do?

I'm gonna kick ass. I feel good about myself right now. I just need to get my motivation back.

I know I'm fabulous (lol) I just wish I looked it to!

I'm going to go to bed... still beat... and the plan is to kick ass this week!

xoxo

Power of Positivity!

2010-04-18T19:30:00.003-04:00

Hello again!

So I'm somewhat back on track. Went to the gym 3 times in the last 2 weeks.. yikes! But I did track everyday this past week. In 2 weeks I lost 3.6 lbs, so that's a step in the right direction, I just gotta keep going!

I can't believe how far off course I got.

I had a rough.. ROUGH winter, and I turned to food. Not what I wanted to do!

But alas, I'm a big girl and I'll get myself back on track. I have 30 pounds to go.. I totally think I can achieve that before my 30th! Oh God I hope I do! lol..

I realized that I turned my back on all the things that made me feel SOOOOooooOOOOO good.. like blogging, going to the gym, and eating healthy.

Last year I was very happy. I didn't cry over stupid shit, I was a tough cookie, a funny cookie. This year I feel like I complain Waaayyy too much, and I'm very emotional.. WTF? I need a good slap in the face, and to get my ass back on track.

So what am I gonna do about it?

Work out 4 days this week (mon - thurs I hope!), track daily, eat my daily points (all of them.... I find I sometimes under eat.. not good!) and get loads of sleep (sleep is so important on this journey!)..

So that's the obvious stuff..

BUT I'm also going to do something else.. Power of Positive Thinking.. I'm gonna have a NO COMPLAINT week.... I am NOT allowed to verbally complain to anyone. It's gonna help me become a much more positive person! The person I used to be, the girl everyone loved!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not Eeyore, but I feel like I've had the weight of the world on my shoulders; and with living alone, I have NO ONE to talk to ... to vent to... so I find myself at work just letting it all out.. oopsy! Not good for this girl!

SO I'm getting back on it.. I'm getting back to being the girl we all love!

If anyone has any tips or helpful motivators please please PLEASE pass them this way!

until next time..

xoxo

Well, I'm Back...

2010-03-31T04:48:00.003-04:00

Okay, it's 4:48am... and I just wanted to type out a little note....

Last year I hit my 50 pound mark by my 29th birthday. I was So proud of myself. .......

WAS....

So as you can tell I've fallen off the horse, and gained 13 pounds back..... sooo not happy with myself, so this is me getting back on the horse..

I promise you'll hear more from me!

I'll be bugging the heck out of all of you super soon!

Here's to a great day to all of us!

Forget Greece, say Hello to Egypt!

2009-08-29T19:40:00.002-04:00

So from the header of this blog entry I'm sure you can guess my newest news.. I'm no longer going to Greece... Spur of the moment I changed my mind to an adventure/explorer trip of Egypt!!

8 busy days of exploration in Egypt, going through pyramids, tombs, valley of the kings... it's going to be AMAZING!!! I'm going to FREAKING AFRICA folks!!! Yowza~!!!

Now although I was all gung ho a couple weeks ago about losing weight again, I had a terrible week of gaining 1.6, then losing only 0.2,.... but finally this week it all came together.. I lost 4 FREAKING POUNDS!!!

It seems like everything in my life is coming together..

I started seeing a new guy, we'll call him Zoo boy (he took me to the Toronto Zoo our first date.. sweet isn't it?)... he's sweet, fun, kind, and makes me laugh.. only one problem.. I'm not attracted to him.. He's a good looking guy, but he just doesn't do that thing to me.. you know, where you get the butterflies.... *sigh*...

But never fear.. I've still been seeing my Cowboy, however after 8 months there was still no kissy kissy... *sigh* that sucks !!!>>>> Until last week.....

I got slightly trashed, invited him over, and then confronted him like mad... so I think he's finally hooked into me.. I hope he is.. oh my!

I'm so confident in every other aspect of my life except men and weight.. ..... why on earth can't I read him properly?? Soo frustrating..

I was sooo embarrassed the next day, about how drunk I had allowed myself to get, but he came over on Tuesday and we had coffee, and we were good.. we talked about it a bit, and he said not to worry I wasn't that bad.. *sigh*.. I still feel like a total ass!!! Oh well... I shall see how it goes!...

Anyway my lovey's .. I'm going to head back to season 2 of Gossip Girl (sooo excited haven't seen any yet.. and they are my guilty pleasure.. don't judge me!)... and my wine..

I'll not be gone for as long again.. My apologies kids..

xoxo

Planning, Dreaming, Hoping...

2009-08-09T12:41:00.003-04:00

Hello gang...

It's been almost a month since my week of holidays, and I'm ALMOST at my pre-vacation weight.. yikes!

I can't believe how un-motivated I've been this month, but I'm still going down, so clearly I'm doing something right..

However I have New motivation.... I'm currently planning a trip... I have decided that until I have kids and get married, I'm going to take care of myself, and go on trips to the exotic places that I've dreamed about.. so last year I did my dream vacation of New York City.. this year.. it's going to be Greece!

I've been planning it for the last year, but put the plans on the back burner because things slowed down at work.. however now I've decided to say "F*&K it, I'm going!"...

I was planning on going on my own, on a tour.. however.. no tours are available for the week I have holidays... and it's also very hard to get a trip to Greece into a 1 week vacation... but I'm going to do it.. and I may even take my Mum along, she's 63 , how much longer will she be able to do all the walking required on a trip to Greece? Plus she's never been.... and she suggested I take her along.. lol!

I am sooooooo damn excited about Greece! And so I am on a mission.. 2 months until I leave.. and I want to hit the 55 pound mark... 11 pounds in 2 months.. yikes.. I can so do it.. and if I'm my ever popular over achiever self.. maybe I'll have lost more by then!

I bought some new clothes for the trip, a couple skirts, sexy shirts, and am planning on buying a dress or two.. all either tight on me or a little small.. MOTIVATION BABY!

Can you tell how excited I am???

God help me if my mother and I argue on the trip.. that's just a Greek Tragedy waiting to happen! LOL.... boy the Greeks know how to treat their family! LOL

Anyway because I always do better when I blog, I think you will be seeing more of me this week than you've seen in some time!

Take care, and until next time..

happy eating! :)

xoxo

struggling to find my way...

2009-07-20T20:58:00.002-04:00

Yikes, I had a brutal week last week.. I had a FULL WEEK of visitors who insisted on bringing food or taking me out to eat... which is great, except they wanted stuff I wasn't prepared for, chinese, thai, ribs, wings, breakfast, sandwiches, OMG..... I ended up under-eating most days, and not drinking enough water...

Needless to say I gained.. my body was in total shock.. and now I'm struggling to get back on track...

Unfortunately the women who weigh us in at our WW centre feel the need to constantly comment on our progress, and this past weekend the women looked at me and said "guess you need to buckle down".... okay I was infuriated... I just told her the added comments aren't needed (she told me once I had to "focus"... grrr.. that was after gaining 0.8 one week.....)... I knew I had gained, I told her that even before I stepped on the scale, so seeing a gain wasn't surprising... seeing how much I gained 3.6 pounds *WTF??* was a shock, and I definitely didn't need the added commentary...

last week I was on holidays, and was building my deck with my dad and uncle... it looks amazing, however on Monday my uncle and I were holding a HUGE MOTHER TRUCKER piece of wood and he let go of his end and it ended up falling and nailing me in the knee.. since then I haven't been able to work out.. it hurts to even walk, so I know that has a big part in the weight gain....

So tomorrow will be my first day back at the gym, I hope I can push myself and get my body back into the weight loss game..

tonight I felt totally lost, and ended up getting wendy's on the way home from work... I have no idea what the points are, nor do I want to, I just need to get my head back into this game..

I believe I'm still totally on track to lose 50 by October 16, 2009.... I just need to get back into this all.... Yikes~

Wish me luck..

hope I can lose what I gained...

xoxo

Happy Saturday~!

2009-07-11T12:09:00.002-04:00

Hello folks!

Just a QUICK blog today.. my parents are expected to arrive, oh... 9 minutes ago! lol.. so I'm going to try to get this entered before they show up.. (they're notoriously late, so I think I have another 15 minutes or so......)

Anyway so I almost.. ALMOST... hit my 20% goal of 44.4 pounds lost today.. I hit 44.2~~!!! lol.. so funny, so damn close.. but I still have a week, so I just need to stay truly focused this week!

I lost 1.8 this week, and I'm pretty darn happy with that.. it was the number I had in my head for a realistic number after last weeks amazing 3.6. As long as I'm losing, I can't be too concerned about how much.. losing is losing.. but I know when I have my next loss of 0.8 or 0.2 I'll be all mad about it again! lol.. oh how perception can be altered! lol

I'm a little concerned for this week, I'm on holidays, and I'm worried I'm going to under-eat again like I did last time I was on vacation.... I'm going to try to stick to a strict meal plan, like I would at work... eating snacks during when break time would be at work... I can do this!

I'm building my deck this week, yes I am going to do the grunt work.. I'm a very handy girl! lol..

So at least I'm not going to be sitting on my ass all week, drinking beer and relaxing.. I'll be physically active, and outside! I need to make a plan so I don't fail and gain weight this week!

I hope everyone had a great weigh in this week. Enjoy the summer weather, and the summer strawberries! :)

xoxo

2009-07-07T15:25:00.002-04:00

WOO HOO!!! My weight to lose is finally less than my weight lost! I am so glad that I've gone from one side to the other! I still don't feel like 145 is achievable, it seem sssssssoooooooo far away!

I'm all about the little picture, so it's always the next 5 pounds, I hit 40, so my next goal is to hit 45, then 50, and so on..

I am doing my best to not get scared again, and cause myself to have a set back... I will not get freaked out and binge, instead I'm going to delight in the way I look and feel, and not think about the final destination, but enjoy the journey along the way!

Thank goodness I'm so freaking competitive, I'm in competition with myself... that's my favourite kinda competition! LOL

Hope you all have a divine day!

xoxo

Over Achieving....

2009-07-05T14:05:00.004-04:00

Well what a fabulous couple of days I've had. Unfortunately I had to work on Canada day, apparently when you work for a Japanese company that deals mainly with American suppliers you don't get Canada day, instead I got Friday July 3rd off in honour of Independence day.

So here I was all worried about what I was going to do, having the day off before a weigh in.. YIKES! I decided to plan my day out, knowing I was getting together with a friend that night for some wine, I planned out everything I did and ate. I went to the Royal Ontario Museum with a girlfriend (that's the ROM to all you Canucks out there!) and we walked probably 7km's in there! It was madness, and sooo enjoyable, How I love to culture myself! Reminds me of living in England.. We ate salads we brought from home in her car, I had my snacks, and turned down a Starbucks Latte (OMG how hard!) and a Booster Juice Smoothie, knowing both would put me over my points and not allow me to have my much adored wine at the end of the evening! Do you know how hard it is to celebrate Canada Day/Independence day, without a sausage on a bun and potato salad?? Yikes.. or even a couple beers! LOL... Thank goodness I refrained though~!!

I went to Weight Watchers yesterday full of hope. All I wanted to do was lose 1.2 to take me to the 40 pound mark.. so I stepped on the scale hoping to see at least that 1.2, and was BLOWN AWAY when instead I saw that I had lost 3.6 pounds! What an amazing accomplishment!

I love it! I worked quite hard for it last week, and it's definitely showing up on the scale! My total weight loss now is 42.4 pounds.. I feel like a FREAKING ROCKSTAR!! Lol.. So my goal of losing 20% by the end of my vacation next week (July 11-18) seems attainable! I can hit 44.4 by then! 2 more weigh ins, 2 more pounds! Heck I may even hit 50 pounds before my new goal of October 2009, instead of October 2010! So I am now making 60 pounds my new October 16, 2009 goal (my birthday!).... I think I can so do this! Thank goodness for so much support and love from my friends!

I had another "A-Ha" moment last night. I had gone out with a girlfriend.. we had decided to go to a patio and have some drinks, but the patios were DEAD so we decided to go up to a club in Waterloo.. we weren't dressed all whorey, our breasts were fully contained, and our shoes weren't CFM boots (if you don't know what that means, well God bless you! LOL), I was in birkenstocks (they're comfy!), a short skirt, and a black zippy sweater, which is sexy, but not club worthy! Anyway she said "Let's see who can get a guy to buy them a drink first".. Hahaha I almost killed myself laughing, I've never had a guy buy me a drink.. in fact I cannot talk to guys in clubs.. so I told her so and then told her to have fun drinking for free (she's stunning, guys love her!)... so we were dancing, and all of a sudden I had guys hitting on me... On me!!! So my inner monologue started going crazy......

Short little fat me...

it makes no sense..

wait a minute.......

maybe they don't see me as fat anymore..

maybe I'm now a bit of a hottie..

I was FLOORED! I came out of it with all my drinks paid for (4... 12 points worth! yikes!), and 3 phone numbers.. I left with my girlfriend, but we hung out with some guys after, and he's been messaging me all day.. now there is no future there.. he's from Pennsylvania (just my luck!), and was only visiting, but still! He was one of the hottest guys in the club, who other girls seriously said to me "good luck" and I simply said back "I don't need luck!" LOL.. who am I??

I'm not the girl who gets her drinks bought for her!

I'm not the girl who gets numbers...

I'm not the girl who picks up..

or am I?

xoxo

Oysters and Life..

2009-06-29T14:57:00.004-04:00

Hello there fellow bloggers!!!!

Today I realized that I have a great life... sure I'm not thin, I'm not rich, I don't have a man, and I don't see kids anywhere in the near future... But I do have a great life..

Shall I explain?

I go through phases of feeling lonely, feeling like I'm lost in the big crowd in the city where I live. I'm a small town girl, living 2.5 hours away from my family... 2.5 hours away from life that I know.

But now, I've got an amazing group of friends here. Not only the ones I made in my work fish bowl (as in we're only friends because we were stuck in the fish bowl and they were the ones that offended me the least...) but also friends that I've made in my Weight Watchers fishbowl.. those girls I love so much.. I didn't need to become friends with any of them, it's not like at work where you have to be friendly.. otherwise life gets very hectic and stressful .. but the girls at WW, the select few that I deem "worthy" of my friendship.. they are great! Funny, real women..

I'm at a strange age, basically everyone I know is married with kids... which is cool for them, but since I'm so horribly single, it sometimes gets hard. I envy their "happy" marriages, and beautiful families.... and yet they tell me how much they envy my life.. not having to answer to anyone, making plans on the fly, staying out as late as I want and spending my money on myself...

As of Friday morning I had NO plans for the weekend at all, by friday at noon I had plans for dinner and a movie that night, Driving to the Toronto Zoo to meet a friend Saturday around Noon, then we went for Supper that night.. yesterday was Lunch with some WW girls, and then a movie with a girlfriend yesterday afternoon, and then hot tubbing and wine drinking with some girlfriends last night.. can a married gal, or mother do all that spur of the moment??

I am looking forward to where life is taking me. The world is truly my Oyster.. now it's time to devour it! :)

It's been raining all day, and now just when I have to start getting ready for work it gets nice out! Yikes! Isn't that just the way life goes?

Have a fantastic evening people!

xoxo

I'm Still Alive!!!!

2009-06-27T22:08:00.011-04:00

First of all I want to apologize for my 2 week disappearance! I was uber consumed with work this past week, and was on holidays for the majority of the week before.

So the pictures to the right... the first was taken December 26, 2008 with a dear girlfriend... I can't believe how big I am.. the other was taken a week ago.. I can't believe how much healthier I look, my skin is glowing, my whole self is happier... I am sooooo glad I've been able to accomplish this! I think I look hot, if I do say so myself! LOL

So I had an "Aha" moment this past week.. I have to pay attention to the "BIG PICTURE" and stop focussing on this weight watchers weight loss only..

When I was 21 I weighed in at well over 300 pounds, and now look at me.. I'm in the 180's! What a HUGE accomplishment!

Last week at Weight Watchers I gained 0.8, I was on vacation and was so afraid I was going to overeat, that I actually under-ate, and then I didn't drink a lot (if any) of water, that filled with a night of sushi, on thursday with my best girlfriend, I was just destined to gain weight. So I left the meeting knowing that it would be an easy fix...

This past week I was SURE I had GAINED.. although I never strayed from the Points Plan, and didn't go over my daily points (well one day, by 2) I just felt like I had gained.. all week I had been craving different foods, but never gave in.. I even had 2 glasses of wine this week!

SO this morning at weigh in time I told myself I'd do better next week, got on the scale, and found that I had LOST 2.2lbs this week!!!

I'm only 1.2 pounds away from hitting 40 pounds!! That's sooo awesome, I'm so happy and proud of me! I feel so blessed to go to such a wonderful meeting, with wonderful girls who have now become close friends, and an amazing leader!

I've been going since January 3rd of this year, and haven't missed a meeting yet, and I truly do believe it's the secret to my success, I've found that I have a fantastic support system... a foundation for my personal "renovation"..

Anyway kids, I know this blog wasn't funny or all that entertaining..

I mainly wanted you to know I am still alive and feel horrible for not coming back to the blog world for 2 weeks! I will make it up to you I promise!! :)

Hope you all have successful days,

xoxo

Feeling Great, Looking Better! ;*)

2009-06-14T20:22:00.003-04:00

I have to issue a warning.. the following blog is extremely vain.. so if you don't want to read about how wonderful I feel and look, well you need to skip on to the next blog you follow!

I lost another 2.2 pounds this week. Taking me to a WHOPPING 37.4 pounds lost, I'm almost at my halfway mark.. (Still not sure if I'm going to make 140 or 145 my ultimate goal.. will decide when I get to 155.... notice how I said "when" and not "if".. ahh self confidence, what a beautiful thing!)... I want to hit the 20% goal by July 13th, so that's another 7 pounds to get to 44 pounds lost.. yikes.. I can't wait!!!

So yesterday I decided I needed to buy a fun summer cotton dress.. now black isn't really the colour I was thinking of, but I fell in love with the way this dress looked on me.. It's a cotton dress that comes to my ankles.. with a cute pair of flip flops.. ahh.. and maybe some fun silver jewelry.. I'm gonna be a freaking knock out! ($34.50 Canadian at Old Navy).. I felt so good trying on that dress, it's a LG.. Oh my!! I love being a large, I really do, I've never been a large before!!!! I also realized I needed new Gitch (some call them panties, some call them undies, I call them gitch... ).. so I went to my favourite store for them... "Aerie" .. ahh.. I cannot wait to wear some that fit! Haha.. probably TMI right? Oh well.. at least I didn't tell you how I have to get all new bras now too, because the girls are getting smaller.. :o(

I feel like I've got my MoJo back, I feel like I can start to motivate and support others again!

Funny enough I didn't get to the gym as much this past week, or the week before.. I think I really was pushing myself too hard! So.. I'm still going to do 4 days this week, but 2 intense and 2 light..

I have holidays this week, and have them totally jam packed.. ahhh.. I love holidays! Monday and Tuesday I have to work, but how great it's going to be to wake up on Wednesday and know I've got a full 5 days to myself! :)

Well I need to take my skinnier ass to bed, I hope you all have successful weeks..

Can't wait to weigh in again! LOL.. only 2.6 pounds away from hitting the 40 pound mark.. Wowzers!!! I'm on top of the world again kids!

Have a fabulous and skinny week! :)

xoxo

Can I get a Hell Yeah??

2009-06-06T15:26:00.003-04:00

Who will be the first to congratulate this girl?

BOOYAH!

I have pushed past this freaking plateau!!!!! I lost 2.0 this week, and am into the 180's.. can I get a HELL YEAH! Weighed in today at 189.0!!! 35.2 pounds lost.. I'm feeling pretty darn good! Love working towards each 5 pound increment!

I feel so damn proud of me!

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and support when I felt like a mixed bag of crap!

I am having a lot of stressful issues in life right now, but I am not going to turn to food and binge.. instead I am going to take it all in stride and work on making me better!

Sorry this is such a short blog, but I am about to leave for a date. .. yay me! LOL

hope you all are having a kick ass weekend!

Now onto the next 5 pound goal!

Cheers!

xoxo

p.s all this working out is making me tired.. time for a nap! :)

Oh Yeah! That's Right Baby!

2009-06-04T14:51:00.002-04:00

Wow!

Talk about a complete 180... I'm feeling like I'm back on top of the world. I'm a shining ray of freaking sunlight baby!

Despite how frustrated I was feeling, I am so proud of myself, for not once did I stumble. I didn't cheat, I didn't binge, I didn't stop going to the gym, I didn't give anything but 100% at the gym..

However, something was lacking.. and despite thinking I was the nutritional guideline queen, I was lacking in some very important foods, and vitamins (what vitamin C? Who needs that? LOL)..

So it's been a humbling experience... but I'm coming out ahead!

I'm just finishing up week 2 of the C25K program, and I gotta admit, I'm kicking ass! I am loving it! I did 5K with an extended warm up and cool down in 42.01mins! Pretty damn great for this girl! Who knew I could run comfortably at 6.3 mph?? Yay Me!! LOL

I have to tell you I had a MEGA uplifting moment when my Weight Watchers leader emailed me the day before we had coffee.. she told me that she sees me being a fantastic Weight Watchers Leader once I've hit my goal! Oh my goodness!

Now to be honest, this isn't something I've ever really considered.. I love encouraging people, and helping them, but I don't know if I can dedicate that much of me to someone else..

However, to have her tell me that, well, not to sound like a total snob, but I think that speaks volumes into the kind of person I am.

I also had a guy at work (who in all reality is one of my best friends now...) tell me last night that he can tell why some guys get crushes on me, and I quote "you're so pretty and it's always fun talking to you.. and when I have a problem, you really listen and help me figure things out... "..... Um.. AWWW!

Maybe this is what I needed.. Maybe I needed to get to a point where I had to REACH OUT FOR HELP and have my people stand behind me and encourage me for a change..

I feel like this is going to happen again.. I feel... well .. Freaking Awesome!

I'm not expecting to see a big number this week, why? Well it's Thursday, and this change started on Wednesday, but weigh in is on Saturday.. gotta be realistic here folks! I do know this though, I will see big numbers in the big picture..

I've set out my new goal.. to hit 20% by July 11 (My work has a "Shut-Down" week that week.. so it's a good time to set a goal for! A wonderful week of Vacay!).. so that's 44.8 pounds.. 6 weeks to lose another 12 pounds.. egads.. we'll see if I can do it.. if not, I'm okay with it, but it's something to work towards folks! You gotta have goals, even if they are slightly un-attainable!

And... as I just figured out, that's gonna take me into the 170's.. oh my! Scary! .. okay I'm gonna worry about breaking into the 180's first.. then look towards that, but it is my next goal!

Okay kiddies.. this girl needs to take her butt to the shower.. think I'm gonna take a long bubble bath!

Hope you all have terrific Thursdays!

xoxo

Getting my mind back into the game..

2009-06-04T03:20:00.003-04:00

This morning I went to Starbucks to have a coffee (well a peppermint tea...) with my Weight Watcher's leader.

I am THRILLED I went!

She is such an encouragement to me! She told me what she sees in me.... the effect I have on all the other people in my Saturday morning meeting.. how she sees me succeeding..

She also told me that I need to stop putting up with other people's bullcrap, and focus on ME!!!

So I'm going to do just that!

I changed up my eating a bit too.. adding some complex carbs (whole wheat couscous) and more veg and fruit.

Funny enough, tonight after work all I wanted was McDonalds.. or Chocolate.. or chips.. or cookies.. I wanted Junk, but instead I kept thinking about everything Nancy said to me, and knew that I have to keep my eye on the prize! I have to do this for me..

I HAVE TO WANT THIS BAD ENOUGH!

I hope that this changes everything for me..

I can't stand this slump! This plateau! This kick in the nutts!

Sorry for this short blog,

I need to go to bed!

love you all!

xoxo

Are You Freaking Kidding Me???????

2009-06-01T15:30:00.003-04:00

OMG!

WTF!

Sheesh! What do I do differently? I worked my butt off like mad last week. I worked out like a wild woman, ran 3 days of the week, did my weights, and came out of it 0.4 pounds lighter...

Yes so I lost, I get that... but 0.4? I can't believe it! I've been trying to get into the 180's for a month... what am I doing wrong? It's all gotta be the diet.. maybe I'm not eating enough points.. crap!

I never eat my activity points, I just have such a hard time eating the extra food! So today I added 2 extra points again to my daily points, and I changed up what I eat. Still very healthy, but more whole grains and veg...

all I want right now is chocolate! CRAPPOLA! Lord help me get through this week and not over do anything!

My post is horribly boring, I'm sorry.. I just don't have it in me.. I have been so successful for so long, and now here I am failing! Grr Freaking Arggg!

I'll post again when things are better in my mind! lol

Week 2 on the C25K challenge is on.. I did a fantastic job today and was able to do the 5k in 41.43... last week I did it in 45.26.. so I'm doing much better!

Hope other's are succeeding!

Take care!

xoxo

Running the Pounds Away!!!

2009-05-25T18:24:00.004-04:00

Well, I'm not really a Couch Potato of sorts, but I'm doing the couch to 5K training program. I just started today..

It's not hard at all! Week one consists of 3 days of the same work out.

Brisk walk for 5 minutes.. then alternate 60 seconds of jogging, with 90 seconds of running for a total of 20 minutes.

I pushed myself past the 20 minutes, deciding to keep up this alternating until I hit 5km's. So I ended up jogging/walking for 45 minutes, 26 seconds.. felt freaking amazing!

If I can do this, anyone can. Go at your own pace, if you find that you can't run for 60 seconds, then start with 30 second intervals!

I never thought I'd be a runner, but I have always wanted to be one, and I'm hoping this program will help me achieve that small dream of mine!

I think I needed to switch up my workouts a bit too. I'm at a Mudder Trucker Plateau right now.. Grrrr Arggg.... and I need to get it to lift NOW! LOL

If anyone else wants to try this program go to .. www.c25k.com It's a great little program. Let me know what you think!

I have to go eat!

xoxo

I need a cookie....

2009-05-24T15:39:00.003-04:00

Well here I am... being the typical generations X'er (even though I think I'm like Genration Y.. I'm an 80's baby....) Sitting in the glorious sun, outside a starbucks, drinking a green tea (1/2 sugar) lemonade, and blogging..

I feel like the weight loss gods have gotten together, and drop kicked me... or at the very least, kicked me in the crotch!

I worked out 5 times this past week, sweating more than is acceptable for a prissy gal like myself.. I haven't cheated, I didn't eat the pizza I was craving, or the chocolate, or the cake, or the starbucks cookies...

Weigh in was yesterday...

Not impressed...

I F*&King GAINED 0.4 pounds this week..

Okay now before you can say "it's only 0.4 Kirsti" think about how you feel when you gain 0.4, or 0.6, or even 0.2... it's still a kick in the junk!!!

Now I do need to remind myself that in February I had a similar kinda month... I lost 1.0 pounds 2 weeks in a row, and then I gained that exact amount back for the following 2 weeks...

so this may just be how my body works.... I'm not happy about it, but if I do everything I know how to do, if I eat exactly within my daily points, and get a proper amount of sleep.. I can't get mad at myself.. so instead I get angry with the weight loss gods...

grrr fucking arggg!

xoxo

Just a quickie....

2009-05-18T15:26:00.003-04:00

Okay sorry about the pic.. but that one makes me laugh.. that's some safe sex there! haha

Anyway So I just wanted to blog quickly. I am still horribly sick, the camping wasn't so bad. I was in a heated RV, and dressed warmly and took my medicine. I do know that if I had stayed home in bed I would have gotten better by now.. yikes!

So the weigh in was on Saturday, and surprisingly I didn't gain, nor did I lose. I stayed the exact same.

I'm slightly pissed though. I haven't really lost anything this month at all. I need to get back on the wagon and kick ass this week. However it's almost Monday evening and I haven't eaten well in days! I have been on sodium overload.... eating quick and easy meals.. and now I feel like my stomach is full of junk!

Yikes.. Head is back in the game.. Tomorrow I'm back at the gym.. and my Weight Loss Journey will Continue!

hope all is well with the rest of you!

xoxo

I've Got Chills, They're Multiplying..

2009-05-15T22:40:00.003-04:00

So I've been having a hard time with work outs this past week, and finally on Thursday I found out why..

I awoke on Thursday morning, couldn't swallow at all, my head was pounding... I had felt a tad under the weather before Thursday, but just believed it was because it was so dry at work.

When I woke up in such a state I immediately called my doctor. I NEVER go to the Doctor.. only to get my birth control renewed, or for my annual. So they got me in A.S.A.P.... My doctor asked the usual questions, and I responded honestly.. fever ? No. Sore throat? yes. Ear Ache? Actually yes. So she then went to hear my breathing. I was having a horrible time taking a deep breath.. and she said, "holy cow, you're very hot, you have a terrible fever"... Oopsy! I should have realized that it was the first time in weeks I wasn't cold. Then she looked in my mouth, she said, you have strep.. then she looked in my ears, and turns out I have a double ear infection too! Also did I mention I was vomiting in the office, so I have a stomach flu too! OH MY GOODNESS!

So needless to say I haven't worked out since Tuesday, I haven't been counting my points, because I have only been eating soup and drinking coffee (who knew coffee was good for ear infections? Thanks Mr. Pharmacist!).. So who knows what the scale is going to reflect tomorrow.

I emailed my weight watchers leader.... Told her how defeated I felt... she ordered me to realize I am not invincible, and to feel free to ask for help any time I feel weak. I can't always be the strong one for the other girls at weight watchers. I have a horrible time admitting that I need help, that I'm weak, that I've been defeated... Thank God for Nancy.. she's my angel, and because of her I was able to give up this week, and realize it's out of my control.

I don't know how I'll do tomorrow, but in all honesty I don't care. I know I am a strong woman who will bounce back from this.

I probably won't be able to post tomorrow, I am headed to the States to spend the Canadian Long Weekend (Victoria Day AKA May 2-4, in celebration of Queen Victoria) at Darien Lake in New York State.. I hope I can go there and still get better.. we're camping out! Lord help me.. but at least I have the good drugs!

I need to go to bed.. and try to nurse myself back to health before the morning.. Maybe going to work and trying to push through this wasn't a smart idea.. my doctor told me to stay home, but I feel the pressure of the responsibilities I have.. see can't admit defeat!

Take care everyone... I'll post my results soon!

xoxo

Joyful Joyful..

2009-05-09T12:21:00.004-04:00

Okay so the big news??

I didn't gain!!!!

Can I get a Woot Woot??

I am ridiculously happy that I didn't gain an ounce!

Halleluah!

I ended up losing 0.2 pounds.. and you know what.. I'm okay with that.. I see it as a step, a very tiny one perhaps, but a step nonetheless, in the right direction!

My girlfriend who attends Weight Watchers with me, ended up hitting her goal today. She lost a total of 20 pounds. I must say I am so proud of her, but at the same time I'm jealous. If I only had had 20 pounds to lose.. ahh how nice would that have been? I've lose more than 50% more than that, and know that when all is said and done I'll have lost about 80 pounds! Oh my goodness.. makes my goal seem all that much farther away.. but I shan't focus on that.. I am so proud of her, and today I must remember that she worked just as hard to lose that 20 as I am to lose my 80!

I have to jaunt over to my parent's house.. I do look forward to going home, and at the same time.. I don't... YIKES! There is just so much stress with going home. First of all, my bank account is horribly low, and my credit card is horribly high.. so that's no fun.. it's Mother's day, so I suppose we'll be expected to go out for Mother's day brunch tomorrow.. now usually I pay, but after building my house this past year, and furnishing it, and losing all my over time.. well lets just face it.. Kirsti doesn't have a whole lot of money! So there's the financial aspect.. then there is the food aspect.. there is always a crap load of bad food around.. I'm hoping that I can resist whatever is put out!

Then there is my transportation issues.. my wonderful baby is sick (that's my car folks....) and so since she's ill, she's in the car hospital.. now I have full faith that Lexi will pull through, the doctors just don't know what's wrong with her right now.. she's a toddler, only 2 years old, so she should be strong enough.. and since they can't diagnose her properly, they got me a rental, and it's BIG and UGLY.... they got me a freaking red PT Cruiser.. sorry if you love those cars, but it's SOOOO not me.. I have a black sporty car... love it! lol.. the only good thing about the PT Cruiser, it matches my red blackberry! lol.. but anyway the reason this is an issue.. it has a crappy stereo, and... no sun roof... OMG! LOL.. and it's a GAS GUZZLER! Soo not happy about this, but until my baby is well again.. I'll have to deal with this one..

*side note... total fluke with my car.. it's an amazing car, and a wonderful make and model.. not usual.. please don't feel like I'm giving you a testimonial about the car company!*

Anyway so I hope you're all doing well.. I'm hoping to push on into the 180's next week.. only need to lose 1.1 or more!!! :)

Keep your fingers (and toes, and eyes, and tongue, and legs and arms, and.... ) crossed for me!!!

Have a fabulous weekend kiddies!

xoxo

um.. good morning?

2009-05-08T05:24:00.002-04:00

Well hello there, it's morning time, it's 5:28am to be precise...

I get up every morning at 3:30am, and go to the gym, I leave the house by 4am, get to the gym about 4:15am, work out until 5;30am, and then shower and leave for work... this week I've done it twice, and worked out after work once.. I've been tired!

I don't know what it is, but I feel like someone has been kicking my ass, I'm soo damn tired all the time.. could it be the weight loss? Is my body rebelling?

Gosh! I hate feeling like a whiny baby, I just don't understand where the motivation has gone.. now don't get me wrong, I already have my gym bag packed for tonight, but I just feel like I could have made such a difference this week..

I'm prepared for a gain this week, I've got it in my head that I am going up on the scale, and I hate it, but I can't sit here and cry about it when I KNOW I have done it to myself.. I haven't put in the effort the last 2 weeks that I needed to.. so you know what.. it's still a new month.. I can start over again today, tonight, tomorrow! I will be able to turn it around and get back to Motivational Me!

Sorry for this horrible early morning post... I still was able to plant a smile on my face for the pic.. (don't mind the no make up look! LOL) .... I need something today...

I'm going for coffee with one of my Weight Watcher girls today.. maybe she can do something to jump start me again.. or maybe I need to not depend on someone else and just kick my own ass back into shape!

I hope everyone has a fabulous day and can ignore me and my rant! LOL

Take it easy, I'll post again tomorrow after my Weigh In!! Yikes! (it's gonna be okay!)

xoxo

Yikes! This week is going to the dogs!!!

2009-05-06T17:32:00.004-04:00

What a week, what a week..

So where do I start?

How about Saturday night.. it was a night full of carnage, from the drinking, to the eating, and back again.. and yet.. I didn't go waayy overboard.. but I still did more than I would usually do, but it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I figured I'd just do it..

well that was mistake #1.. the salt in the food made me balloon up.. I know I am STILL retaining water.. the scale at the gym says I've gained 6 pounds!!! 6 FREAKING POUNDS! I am hoping that scale is out of whack, and that I can work out enough and drink enough water that the carnage won't have an effect on Saturday's weigh in!

mistake #2.. well it wasn't a mistake.. I went on a BAD FIRST DATE last night.. the guy is head over heels for me.. seriously.. on the first date he was talking about what our CHILDREN will look like.. yes that's right.. here I am contemplating whether or not I want to go on another date with the guy, and he's picking out names! YIKES!!!

Next work wanted me to be on day shift again this week.. they called me at home on friday night.. I was supposed to be on afternoons.. so I cancelled my doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for since OCTOBER 2007.. YES 2007! I also cancelled a dental appointment, a massage, and put off landscaping my front walkway and flowerbeds... and then work has the nerve to tell me 4 hours into Monday that on Tuesday I'll be back on afternoons.. HECK NO TECHNO is the nicest way I could tell them there wasn't a hope in Hell I'd be doing that.. so here I am still on day shift, working away at a special project that was technically finished on Monday.. can you say BORING?

Then my car decided to go to poopy world.. it keeps stalling and having a hard time to speed up to 50 km/hr (that's about 30 miles per hour for you Americans!)... so my fuel pump is gone.. now because it's still under warranty they say they can't fit it in until next Thursday (I called last friday.. and it was going to be a 13 day wait?? WTF?? ) .. they won't give me a loaner, but offered to call the rental car company for me.. and I'd be paying.. WTF? So I called a different Toyota dealership, and no problemo, they are going to come pick my car up from work tomorrow and fix the damn fuel pump while I work away .. and deliver it back for me by the time I'm done work.. Thank God, but let me say.. driving it right now is scary as hell! It's only 2 years old, and purely a fluke.. toyota's don't break down.. I love them!

And now the icing on the cake.. I feel fat, and bloated, and my monthly visitor is mega late.. but I know I'm not preggers.. I haven't done the thing in which you need to do to get preggers in a VERY LONG TIME!!! LOL

Wow crazy venting blog.. sorry guys!

I have stayed faithful with my food since saturday, and cannot wait to get back to the gym again tomorrow!

Hope someone out there is having a less Yikes worthy week than I!

xoxo

p.s .. that's my parents dog Fergie in the pic.. full name Ferguson McTavish.. lol... who knew we'd have a scottish puppy! LOL

So happy I could kiss a sea horse!

2009-05-02T12:02:00.004-04:00

I have nothing to say.. I am purely stumped.

How did I lose this week?

I was so nervous, so stressed, and so worried about losing weight that I was doing some self sabotaging, and now here I sit.. 1.6 pounds lighter!!!! I am at my lowest weight ever with 191.2 (it kept bouncing between 191.0 and 191.2 so I told her I'd take the .2 instead, that way I can lose more next week! LOL)... I'm gonna be a rock star in no time.. okay maybe not a rock star, but I am gonna be in the 180's soon.. oh my! Soo exciting.. not scared anymore!

I am soo damn proud of myself, and now I feel like queen of the world again!

I am in a huge rush, my brother is coming over today, he hasn't been to my house since just shortly after it was built, so it's been about 5 months! Can't wait to have him all alone, away from his wifey (love her, but I need some brother time!)..

I hope everyone has a super fantastic week,

try something new for a fitness activity.

I will blog again soon!

xoxo

p.s picture is me and Mr.SeaHorse at the Toronto Zoo last year.. and no, there isn't a Mrs SeaHorse!!!!

A Myriad of Nothing...

2009-05-01T17:28:00.004-04:00

Egads....

I've had another shitty week.. lots of stress... but no drama thank the lord!

I was on "Special Project" team this week at work. We basically had to take a square peg and fit it into a much smaller round hole..

So I've been bad with working out, and bad with food.. WTF?

I realized after my last blog that I was at my LOWEST ADULT WEIGHT!!!

Now for some people that may have motivated you to work hard, and eat right.. but for me.. nope....

Instead I got scared.. I kept thinking.. Shit I'm actually succeeding... now what if I lose all the weight, and then gain it all back.. This pathetic little voice in the back of my head spurring me on.. trying to get me all riled up.. and when you think about it.. that's soo sad.. because that's just my insecurities talking..

So I started back on track on Wednesday, knowing I had gained some weight, most likely water weight, and worked out really hard.. but I'm still over tired and just got a bomb dropping email from an ex and now I feel like a piece of junk..

Why is it that I can be SOOOOO strong when it comes to everything in my life, except weight and men??

I need to get a mind change. I need to remember I'm worthy. I'm worth the effort to be thin, beautiful and happy.

I'm worth being treated like gold.

I'm worth it..

Weigh in tomorrow. You know I'll be back to blog..

until then..

xoxo

I'm Walking on Sunshine.. Oh Oh!!!

2009-04-25T12:38:00.002-04:00

Well this week was incredibly hard, but... I worked through everything.

I made it to the gym everyday, tried Hot Yoga, spent time with friends, and came out ahead..

My goal was to hit the 30 pound mark...

I lost 3.2 pounds this week... 3.2 pounds!!!!

Sooo happy...

Are you wondering now if I hit the 30 pound mark??

Not only did I hit the mark... I destroyed it!!!!

I'm officially at 31.6 pounds down.. yes I said 31.6 Pounds Down!!!!! Down down down.. that's where I'm going.. and I am so unbelievably proud of myself!!

I don't have much else to say, but I did want to post the amazing results from a week of really hard work.

I also upped my points by 1 -2 every day. With all the working out I knew I had to do something. So if anyone is struggling to lose weight, but you stick with your daily points.. maybe you should try that... especially if you're working out!

Thanks again to all of you and your support.. you know I love you all!

Cheers to you guys,

have a great (sunny!!!) weekend!

xoxo

My Oh My!!

2009-04-23T19:55:00.005-04:00

Well my dear friends, I have had one HELL of a week!

There isn't too much to say.. I can't go into massive detail.. lets just say the Greek man and I are done. We had a HORRIBLE date on Tuesday, and I can honestly say I can't be bothered thinking about him anymore.

However this being said.. I know who my darling and dear friends truly are. I have people, people who are my rocks, people who I can rely on, who I can turn to in times of struggle.... they are MY PEOPLE....

Tonight I was sitting here, and although I was done my points for the day, I kept thinking about how much I could eat soon, and just binge out. I also thought about how when I was done bingeing I would also purge. I haven't done that in a long time.. and there I was sitting on the couch watching last night's American Idol (yay, glad by the results!), thinking about all these horrible things I could be doing to my body!

Suddenly a voice deep down was like "What the hell are you thinking woman? Why have you worked so hard these past 4 months? Why would you do that to your body, and set yourself back by weeks? Why would you want to screw up your metabolism? Why are you punishing yourself?" ... Out of no where there was this self control.. and you know where that self control was from? It's my weight loss gang. Not only my people, but you people too! If I had sabotaged myself, I would have blogged, and you all would have said what my inner voice had said!

So I'm feeling good. I figure FUCK THE DUDE.. he's an ass, and I am NO LONGER WILLING TO COMPROMISE ANYTHING FOR A MAN!! I DESERVE THE FRIGGIN' BEST!!!!

I'm taking care of myself. I have a plan to go to the gym in the morning, (been everyday this week, even Wednesday when all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and drown in my sorrows!), and then tomorrow night I am going to do Hot Yoga with one of my darling girlfriends! Have you tried Hot Yoga?? It's freaking amazing! It's pricey (usually about $15 - $20 for a 90 minute session...) but worth every penny. I did it on Monday with my weight watchers buddy Teresa.. I sweated out 2 pounds of water! 2 Freaking Pounds!!!! I felt much healthier and full of less crap! It's supposed to be a detoxifier of sorts.. and I can see why.. if you do try it, make sure you're really well hydrated!!!!!

Anyway I feel good. Despite the fact that this week has been incredibly stressful, and emotional.. Be proud of me.. I did not cry once this week!!!! I have only been pushing myself daily.. pushing myself to be proud of myself, pushing myself to make other's proud, and pushing myself to make a difference in my own life!

I can't live my life hoping to be made happy by someone else.. I need to make myself happy, and if I meet someone else who I enjoy along the way, well that's a bonus! I'm actually feeling very empowered.. I don't know if I've lost weight this week, but I feel like I made one hell of an effort.

I just want to say, one blogger wrote about all the things she's thankful for in her blog... I don't want to go into too much, but I do want to say.. I am sooooo thankful for my people, both in my daily world, and in my blogging world!!!

I wouldn't still be on this journey without the support I get from both my Worlds!!!

Thanks guys!

Much love,

xoxo

Thus The Journey Continues....

2009-04-18T13:27:00.002-04:00

GRRRR ARGGGGG!!!!

So today was the weigh in.. I wasn't expecting a big number, but I also wasn't expecting to gain.... but in the end, that's what I did.

I ended up gaining 0.4 lbs. Which as I know, it isn't a big gain, but it's a gain nonetheless.

I don't really know why I gained. Perhaps it's because I was overtired all week, and we all know when you don't have the necessary amount of rest, your body doesn't respond to working out.

I'm feeling let down. I pushed myself this week, or so I thought. I didn't eat anything fun at Easter. I deprived myself many thing.. focussing on the weight loss this week... I guess it just wasn't my week. I even worked out every day!!!!! Sunday to today!

So my plan for this week.. lots of sleep, lots of working out, lots of water (I never lack water! LOL), and lots of positive thoughts.

Power of positive thinking.. it's a real thing~! So I am going to do my best to think good thoughts for next week's weigh in.

I hope this blog didn't bum anyone out.. I'm just feeling horribly defeated.

It's time, however, to pick myself up, and put that smile back on my face..

I WILL SUCCEED!!!

xoxo

Feeling Good Folks!

2009-04-17T13:12:00.003-04:00

Hello my friends..

I have no idea what to say.. It's been a good week, but I don't know how successful I've been, in regards to weight loss.

I went to have a fitness assessment on Monday. The girl was really pushing the personal trainers at the gym, and their "12 Week Challenge" where they give you food lists, and you have a personal trainer 3 times a week.... sounds great right? 100% guaranteed results (or your money back)... sounds too good right?? Well when the price tag says a Whopping $3000 you know it is!!!!

So then she has the nerve to tell me how bad Weight Watchers is, how I'm starving myself, and losing tons of muscle.

WTF?

So I left there feeling defeated.

An hour later I thought FUCK THIS!!!

I have to go back in 4 weeks and have her measure me and weigh me and do my body fat test.. I am going to show her that Weight Watchers does work! I am going to show her that I'm not starving myself, and that my muscle isn't going down down down!

So I started doing weights yesterday! I hate the weight room! I am very physical at work. I have to lug around 50lb doors all day long. So.. I thought I was strong, but now I have to prove it!

So I have a 1 month goal.. lose 2% body fat, and gain muscle.. I think I can do that! (I actually don't know how much % of body fat I can lose, but 5 seemed like too big a number!!! LOL)...

So tomorrow is my Weigh in with Weight Watchers, and although I worked out like MAD this week.. I just haven't felt committed to it. I've wanted to cheat so many times, but I haven't.. I just.. just.. just.. want to eat something horrible sooooo badly!!!!!!

Oh my!

I'm sure I'll be feeling different after my weigh in tomorrow.. shooting for a 1.4 loss... that takes me to the 30 pound mark!

Take care kids, I'll blog again tomorrow!

xoxo

Weigh in results...

2009-04-12T20:45:00.003-04:00

So to answer the question about what I'm reading.. it's the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. I'm on the last book, and I have to say I've LOVED every minute of the books. Please don't post a comment that will ruin the ending for me, or for someone who may decide to read these books. If you haven't read them, I urge you to! They are fantastic. I have encouraged 8 friends to read them, and they all LOVED them too! If you want to see the movie, I'd say watch it first. If you read the book first , you'll hate the movie... sorry, but it's true..

So onto the Weigh In...

Since I lost 4.2 last week I wasn't expecting to lose anything this week. However I surprised myself by losing 1.4 pounds this week! Yay me!

I have 1.4 pounds to lose to hit 30 pounds! I sooo hope that happens this week! I was very well behaved at my family's Easter dinner. I didn't accept any chocolate, and because the fruit salad I made looked so yummy, the family decided to put the cheesecake I made, in the freezer for Mother's day, and we'd all partake of the delicious fruit salad! My brother even wants to attempt weight watchers, he doesn't want to go to the meetings and pay, but he's willing to try to follow the plan on his own! So that's a start!!

This week my WW leader and I discussed my goal.. I can choose any number between 124 and 155, so I chose 140, right in the middle.. Oh My Goodness... 140 pounds.. I don't know if I can even grasp that number!!! I don't know if I will change my mind and chose 145 or 150 instead.. but for now it's 140.. 55.6 more pounds to lose.. it feels like a lifetime of weight to lose.. I'm not scared, just anxious. I don't want to fail. My damn competitive nature is rearing it's ugly head, but this may in fact be a good thing.

I don't know how long it's going to take me to get to my new goal.. my old goal was 170.. which I think, is what I'm still going to work towards first.. one step at a time!!!! One goal at a time. I can't wait to be the me I believe I can be.

It was crazy being home with my family. They all made many positive comments about the way I look. Even my brother told me how great I look.. which.. well he's a guy.. doesn't happen that often (especially when I'm in sweats and a long sleeve tee!)... They were also all very interested in counting points, my brother and his wife had a blast figuring out how many points their big bag of Eggies was worth.. The only person in my family who has to lose weight is my brother. My sister in law is maybe 110 pounds soaking wet.. but it was soo nice to see her encouraging my bro to try this out.

Maybe by me getting healthy it's going to help him to do so too!

I'm going to go make some supper, hope you all had a wonderful Easter with family and friends..

xoxo

I'm Rock Solid!

2009-04-10T22:11:00.002-04:00

Okay so I'm soo freaking proud of myself. Today I spent the day alone. My date had to cancel, for a pretty good reason.... anyway.. So I decided to get all my easter cooking done.

Now my family has been begging me to make a Toblerone Cheesecake, which for 1/16 of the cheesecake it's 9.5 points.. and that's a small piece!!!! So I've been putting it off like mad.. But I figured Easter is a special occasion, and instead of buying chocolate eggs, I'd do this for them. So I spent the day making that, and the Oreo Truffles my sister in law wanted.. and you know what the best part was? I didn't lick my fingers once! I didn't have a taste, a bite, or a lick!!!! All that chocolate and peanut butter kicking around.. and NOTHING!

To top it off, so I won't kill my self on points, I made the most fabulous Fruit Salad I've ever seen for myself at Easter dinner tomorrow. I can't wait to show them how strong I've become.

It's going to be hectic, and hard being at home. My family rocks, I really love them.. but they do drive me to eat! So I am determined not to stray. I have already packed my new work out duds, and ipod, so I have NO EXCUSE not to work out! I am going to eat properly and have a good, nay amazing, healthy weekend.

Today I got up a little later than I intended and worked out. I then cleaned my house from top to bottom, made all the food, and then sat down with my book. I had a bitchin' day!

Tomorrow is the weigh in.. I would love to hit the 30 pound mark, but I'll be fine with anything, as long as it's a loss. I can't really expect to lose 3 pounds this week, when I lost 4.2 last. I am just glad I'm back on track. I cannot wait to succeed! Tomorrow I get to talk to my WW leader and discuss what my "Goal Weight" should be. I hope it's not an outrageous number.. maybe around 138.. that seems reasonable, but also out of my reach... Oh gosh! LOL.. I'm not going to worry about it until I have to!

Well, the oreo's and Tobelerone bars are tucked away downstairs, ready to take to my parents house along with the goodies. I cannot wait to get all this sugar out of my house!

Hope you all have a happy Easter, and that no one over indulges!.. especially me!

Take care.

xoxo

2009-04-09T16:12:00.003-04:00

This has been a rough week. Nothing has happened, I'm just struggling. I went down a point this week, and I didn't think it would be all that bad, but all I've wanted to do all week is SNACK, I have refrained for the most part, but I still can't believe my will power has been shot!

On Saturday I was a pure twinkle toes, I had a dance in my step, I had a song in my heart, but now here I sit, feeling almost defeated.

I went to the gym Sunday - Wednesday, taking today off for a coffee date with the Cowboy, I actually feel someone energized because I allowed myself the day off.

I hope that this feeling passes soon. I want to go to the gym tomorrow before I go out on another date, I need to start the day off in a good way so that I don't have the wrong mind set allowing myself to blow the entire week's worth of hard work. Considering Saturday is weigh in day, I must behave tomorrow on Good Friday!

I hope everyone is hanging in there! Hoping you all see the results you wanted to see this week!

xoxo

Feeling Hot Hot Hot!

2009-04-04T22:42:00.006-04:00

Oh .... What do I say??

Today was weigh in day........

I succeeded! I hit my 25lb goal.. and even SURPASSED it!!! I lost 4.2 pounds this week!

That takes my weight loss total to a whopping 27.2 POUNDS!!!!!!

And best of all, I've entered One-Derland again! I'm at 197.0 Pounds! Oh how joyous I am at this very moment!! I honestly could sing an ode to Weight Watchers right now! I love everything about it. The members, the leader, the community of support!

I am so proud of myself. So next week I am hoping to hit 30 pounds. Which, some of you may know from my previous blogs, is my October goal! How am I succeeding like this? I feel like the weeks I don't think I'm going to lose I have a bigger number, and on the days I think I'm gonna kick ass, I have the smallest loss, or even a gain!

So because I succeeded I decided to treat myself. In the past I would have treated myself to some delicious food.. Today I decided to buy myself a new work out outfit! I have never worn anything so form fitting to the gym, but I am looking forward to wearing it tomorrow. I may put a zippy overtop, but I'll still be wearing it!

I can't believe I'm doing so well. I feel like "I'm on top of the world, sitting on a rainbow....." I just don't know if I could be any happier! Doesn't it just make you sick when someone is so ridiculously happy?? LOL

I can honestly tell you; if I can succeed, anyone can. I lose motivation like the best of them. I'm fairly thankful right now that I have such a competitive spirit. That's the only thing that keeps me pushing myself as hard as I am!

I hope everyone is having an inspired week. I hope this good fortune continues for me. I go back on afternoons this week, which is always a struggle food and exercise wise.

Take care,

keep on blogging!

xoxo

2009-04-03T20:56:00.003-04:00

Okay, well.. 12 hours until the weigh in...

My mind is RACING! Full of questions..

How did I do?

Did I work hard enough?

Did I hit my 25 pound goal?

Am I out of the 200's?

Deep breaths Kirst, deep breaths.

This picture is a bit of inspiration. It was taken 2 days before my brother's wedding. The only girl in it that I like.. is my best friend. She's the one in green on the far left. The rest are my brother's wife (second from the right) and her friends.. I was a slammin' 194 lbs at this point... I was tanned, in a new relationship, and happier than I've been since.. well I'm happy again... but it took me almost 18 months to get back to it..

Other than weight what was it that made me so unhappy?? I hate to say this.. but it really was my ex... when he and I first got together every thing was amazing. He was full of life, with goals, and dreams. One of the most ambitious people I'd met... and then.. it changed. He became very lazy, lost interest in succeeding via work.. He put on 40 pounds, quit all jobs he had, and began to rely on me for his happiness, and depended on me financially. I came to a breaking point when I began to build my house and he declared he was moving in with me. Having a brand new house was going to be hard enough already, but adopting a 27 year old Mooch who's mother said I wasn't good enough for her boy.. well that wasn't going to happen. How horrible it is to have the mother of the man you love (sorry.. boy) tell you you aren't good enough.. I was too good!

I've had to take a couple steps back recently, since I began dating again.. I had to realize what I deserved.. I deserve love, kindness, compassion, energy, and .. the world.

I am not looking for someone to put me on a pedestal, but for them to adore me.. as I adore them..

The cowboy didn't work out. He didn't have time for me, and I do believe he isn't ready for a relationship, however, the guy I went out with last week is amazing. Now please don't think I jump from man to man.. this isn't so. New guy (Let's call him Greek; because he is!) and I have been chatting for over 3 months! We know a lot about each other. He calls me every day and we chat for at least 30 minutes. Everything about our "first date" (I call it our first date, he said that we've been talking so long that it's like our 10th...) was perfect.. As soon as I saw him I gave him the biggest hug in the world, didn't feel awkward whatsoever! He brought me a gift (okay I don't mean he had to bring me something, but it was soo sweet.... ) ... while we've been talking he had a trip to Hong Kong.. and while there he saw a necklace he thought I'd love and got it for me. We ended up talking until very late, and he gave me a terrific kiss!!!

So now that I'm dating dating, I know how I need to be treated, I know how I need to feel, and I know that I can't rely on a man to make me happy, but I also cannot allow him to make me unhappy!

Does any of this make sense?

NO?

Okay then.. I want to lose 2 pounds this week! LOL

Have a great night guys, and I will let you know how I did!

xoxo

I'm a loser, but it's a good song!

2009-03-31T17:37:00.005-04:00

Oh my goodness..

I just realized how FREAKING close I am to getting back into the 100's, or as some of my friends call it.. One-derland !!! I am being very dedicated and diligent this week. I am eating a lot of fish, and no carbs after lunch. I pray it works..

My goodness to be 199 would be terrific, to know I conquered the milestone of breaking free from that blasted 2 at the beginning of my weight! I feel like I'm on top of the world today! I can do this!!!

People are starting to notice my weight loss, is there anything better than that? I feel so renewed and rejuvenated! I cannot wait to be in the 190's... and to hit the 180's, I don't remember the last time I saw those! I was probably 12 or 13~!!!!

But I will be there soon enough~ :)

I am going to be extremely gay and post a song on here. I heard it in the car today and realized it was perfect for all of us trying to lose weight.. talking about the struggles, about the goal... if only it weren't by Miley Freaking Cyrus!

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah

Keep on Moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about , It's all about the climb

Okay so now I feel VERY DIRTY, I need to go take a shower! LOL..

Hope you all have a successful week!

xoxo

I DID IT!! 10% Goal Achieved!

2009-03-28T12:25:00.005-04:00

YAY!!! I DID IT!!!

I did it!! I finally did it!!! How happy am I? I ended up losing 1.8 pounds this week! I am very happy with that! My total is now at 23.0 pounds! I can't even put into words how good this is for me. This will be the push I need to continue!!!

I am so excited that I got the key chain! I have my keys on it already, it's going to be a constant reminder, I can do this, I will do this! I'm so pleased I set a 30 lb goal for this year, I think I will meet it, and exceed it. How amazing would it be to hit my October 2010 goal, by this October ? I am going to keep the small goals in mind.. so my next goal is the big 3-0!!! I can do this.. oh my gosh.. I really CAN DO THIS! I'm so pleased with myself right now I could dance!

I don't think I could have done this without one of my best girlfriends, Teresa. She has been my source of strength, pushing me when I want to quit, pulling me when I want to stay home, and cheering me on when I have a fab week! The girl is my rock right now, I only wish I was the same for her! It's amazing when you realize how lucky and fortunate you are to have such an amazing person in your life. She was so confident that I would hit my goal this week that she gave me a wonderful card, that says such beautiful things, all her words, and that is worth more than anything else!

Well I have a date tonight, and I really want to hit the gym now so, I am going to bid adieu for now!

Take care everyone, and thanks for all the support and motivational comments!

xoxo

Yikes!

2009-03-27T20:46:00.002-04:00

Yikes...

Yikes..

YIKES!!!!

Tomorrow is the weigh in.. I'm 0.8lbs away from my 10%.. am I going to hit it?? I've been SOOOO damn good this week! I better!

I have a hot date tomorrow night, he wanted to go out tonight, but I was SOOO paranoid about what I'd eat on the date. No guy wants a girl that only has a salad with chicken on the first date! I know he likes wine, and steak, so I'm glad I switched it to tomorrow!

I just spent the last hour trying on different outfits, I have NO idea what I am going to wear. This guy is sweet, funny, kind... but he's not the cowboy ... maybe that's a good thing.. maybe I need someone else.. Cowboy doesn't have a lot of time for me.. I don't need all his attention, but I'd like to know he's into me... he tells me he is, but if he really was wouldn't he go out of his way to go out with me?? Hmmmm... Somebody needs to shit or get off the pot! LOL

I am petrified I'm not going to hit my 10%, but I really shouldn't be..

Hell I've lost 21.2 pounds in 11 weeks, that's just about 2 pounds a week, which is fantastic! I pray that I continue succeeding, I've been wanting to give up and get bad food soo many times, I allow myself cheats on Saturdays, but I don't crave the food then... I crave it on Monday, and so all I think about all week is that Big ass burger, or Chocolate cake... and then I go Waaayyy overboard on Saturday, trying to finally feed my craving! Messed up huh?

Anyway, I shall update you tomorrow on what happens!

Think light thoughts for me!

xoxo

Not feeling it... read to the end.. there is some drama in there!

2009-03-26T18:33:00.003-04:00

Okay kiddies,

First of all I am very sorry that I've waited so long to post! I don't know what's gotten into me.. I come here daily and read everyone's posts, I just couldn't summon the energy to do one myself..

I'm not feeling it tonight. Don't get me wrong, I'm feeling the eating properly.. I'm feeling the working out, I'm feeling the losing weight.. I'm just not feeling something and I can't put my finger on what it is..

I've been working myself out really hard... Today was a easier work out, only because I did a ton of squats and the DAMNED stair climber yesterday, and now I am in huge pain! I shall go to the gym again tomorrow as planned, so that equals 6 out of 7 days, ....... *sigh*... hope it pays off this week!

I changed up my foods this week, I am back to eating salad for 2 meals (with at least 4 oz of protein, whether it's fish or chicken)... and I have upped my veggie intake. Will I see positive results? Or will I be disappointed again.. okay disappointed is the wrong word, but I just wish the results were bigger, and I was at my 10% goal already! This will give you an idea. Egg white omelette for breakfast, yogurt and oatmeal at break, salmon and salad at lunch, almonds and cottage cheese at another break, and now chicken breast with brussel sprouts and salad for supper.. (there was also some soy milk in there too.... and carrots... ).... good good girl!

OH MY GOD THIS IS A BORING ASS BLOG!!!! My apologies!

Okay so here's a great drama mama story...

Recently a guy that I have known for years (he was my first date, and kiss.. ever... !!!) and I have been chatting up a storm... when I was going through a hard time with my ex last year, this fellow took me out for a pitcher of beer and we just talked, all plutonic. However when my ex and I broke up, this fellow and I rekindled our flame a bit.. So anyway he went and got a girlfriend in November, so we chatted less, until 2 weeks ago, when he told me they had broken up and he hoped we could go out. So I told him I'd mull it over, realizing my cowboy may never realize how into him I am, I agreed to go out with this dude. So I sent him a birthday wish via text message last week. No response.. hmm strange.. 2 days later I got a text asking "who is this"... not so strange (he shares his cell with his father, it's a work cell, so I figured his dad deleted my number, or was the one who was texting me.), so I texted back "it's kirsti silly".. no response.. so an hour later I texted "I take it that's not the answer you were hoping for! lol" ...

So on Sunday I was sitting in my house with my girlfriend, and he phoned.. I giggled and told her who it was, and took the call. . here is how the call went..

Him in Red Me in Green

"Kirsti?"

"Yes"

"It's Stephen"

"Hey there! How are you?"

"Kirsti I need to talk to you"

"um.. Okay..."

"Kirsti I've been lying to you..."

"uh.. Okay...?"

"Remember the girl I was dating?.... I'm still with her"

"Oh!"

"And actually, we're engaged"

"Uh...."

"And..." (Interrupted by me here...)

"Well Stephen, you know what this means? Our friendship is over."

Click!

So to all you married, engaged, or taken men out there... Stop trying to make me your homewrecker!!!

Oh and BTW... strange text asking me who I was.. that was his fiancee! I'm thinking he's in some shit now! Good!

Maybe this is why I'm feeling off.. I just don't know. .. ... ...

Oh well.. tomorrow may be better!

Got a date this weekend with a Greek boy! Hmmm... I'm really looking forward to it!

Take care, I'll post again soon!

xoxo

2009-03-21T17:06:00.005-04:00

Well, I'm a blonde again!!! Just so you know we really do have more fun! LOL.. and yup I got my hair cut today, I'm back to my old look, of shorter in the back, and angular in the front, it's freaking sexy as hell on me, loving it! :)

So today was the weigh in.. I wasn't looking forward to it one bit, I just didn't want to see my weight go up...

.... and it didn't!!!! YAY~~!!!!

I went down by 0.4! Thank the LORD!!!

Okay so it's not a big loss and I get that, but.. it's still a loss, and that's good.. so now I'm 0.8 away from my 10% goal! (that's 0.8 according to the WW book, but if it was true it would be 1.2... need to lose 22.4 to be at 10 % realistically....) .. oh my I need to lose that this coming week.. I want the PRETTY FREAKING KEY CHAIN! haha..

I just had the most amazing treat.. a 3 Musketeers mint bar.. the whole thing was only 3 points.. for a chocolate bar!! It's so light, and minty, and great DARK chocolate! Mmm Mmm Good!!!

I got it at the Shoppers Drug Mart by my place, and I cannot wait to go get a couple more and freeze them.. ooh they'll be sooo yummy frozen! It's okay to have treats like this every now and then, as long as you track, and remember they aren't snacks, they're treats!

Okay kids, I'm taking my newly blond do to my favourite chair to finish "New Moon" and then I'm going out dancing with my girlfriends.. I am soo looking forward to starting this new week and losing a butt load (literally.. lol) of weight!

Dancin' the night away...

xoxo

Pocket Full Of Sunshine!!!

2009-03-18T12:23:00.003-04:00

Hello Ladies and Gents,

Today is INDEED a NEW DAY!!!

Full of possibilities, full of potential, full of sunshine!!!

Yesterday only kinda kicked my ass, today I'm gonna kick the day's ass!

I'm on my way to the gym, and although I hurt my knee there yesterday (Yikes!) I am still going to work out and enjoy it! (do you like the pre workout pic? LOL)

Feeling fairly good this morning folks! Isn't it amazing how one person showing you compassion can turn your world around? I had a guy at work yesterday who kept smiling at me and asking me how my day was going.. not "are you alright?" or "You okay?" those questions put me over the edge.... he just knew what to say.. and how to make me think about the good things!

I hope you all have a person like that in your life!

I'm giddy today.. what can I say? LOL.. I'm a bit of a nerd! haha

I am pretty psyched. I just got on my Wii Fit and it told me I've lost 1.5 since monday.. which may or may not be correct, depending on heaviness of clothing and such.. lots of variables there, but still it's nice to see a loss!!!

Now get up and enjoy the GORGEOUS almost Spring weather!!!

Until next time..

xoxo

Not my day....

2009-03-17T14:05:00.004-04:00

I'M SO NOT IN THE MOOD TO EAT PROPERLY TODAY!!!

I was at the gym.. contemplating quitting after 20 minutes, when a Burger ad popped up on the TV over my head... FUCK.. I've been craving a BIG ASS BACON CHEESE BURGER for close to a week, and then I thought about fries, and so I was like.. NO Kirsti get your head back into this, so I started reading my magazing again.. and what was on that page... the most amazing looking chocolate cheesecake this side of the mississippi !!!!!!

Now if it wasn't such a ridiculously hard day for me already (today is the anniversary of my Father's death.... and he would be the terrific looking fella in that pic with my Gorgeous Mum).. I would have just been fine.. but here I sit... after only doing 45 minutes at the gym.... craving that burger still..... and fries... and then a fantastic piece of dessert...

I have to snap out of this.. hope you all have a good day.. I'm gonna have a nap I think..

ttyl

xoxo

Oops I did it again..

2009-03-16T14:51:00.004-04:00

Okay.. so ... I fucked up a bit... Saturday night with my girlfriend we ate some bad food.. now I only ate half of my dinner, and all of my dessert.. plus some added sweets afterwards, plus I had a bottle of wine.. and some shots.. SHIT!!!!!

However I was planning on recovering from it yesterday. I didn't work out like I had planned, I didn't eat well, and I didn't drink any water.

So was I surprised to see that my weight was up 2.5 lbs at the gym today? Not at all.. so I have a plan. I want to work out really hard all week, and eat properly....

Do I expect to see big results at Saturday's Weigh In?? Nope... I hope it stays the same, because if it goes UP I will kick myself so hard in my own ass! I know we all have these Blips.. I'm not going to beat myself up for it. Instead I am just going to try to let it not effect my movivation.

I wanted to lose 1.6 lbs this week.. I don't think it's going to happen. ... ...

Why the binge the last 2 days?? Tomorrow, St Patrick's Day, is the anniversary of my father's death... I never deal with it well.. so............ I was bad... food = comfort for me.. and I felt pretty good the whole time I was eating!

Okay so I'm a little fucked up.. I'm okay with that! I just know I have to make it through this week without much more self sabotage.

Here's hoping the rest of the week goes well!

Take care.

xoxo

Feeling pretty darn great!!

2009-03-14T12:25:00.003-04:00

Okay I didn't lose the 4 pounds I wanted, but I still lost 2.4.!!!

That's quite the achievement in itself.

I know I wanted to lose 4... but I had to be real, and I'm so proud of myself for working harder this week than I have before in my life. Even getting ready for my brother's wedding I wasn't this diligent or controlled! I didn't cheat at all, I stayed within my points, and I worked out like a machine!

So here is the big picture. Since I started weight watchers on January 3, 2009 I have lost a grand total of 20.8 pounds!

In the last 3 weeks I've lost 8.6 pounds So ... I have 1.6 pounds to hit my 10% goal.. I can do this..

I just took this picture with my handy dandy MacBook, I think I look great.. I even have a waist again! So I guess this is my "Now" picture... It's pretty much the most I can show of my progress without taking my shirt off! LOL.. don't mind the messy house!

I feel very empowered right now. I feel beautiful, I feel sexy. I feel like I did the summer of my brother's wedding.. and I'm so happy!!!!

Today at breakfast (my weight watcher's girlfriend and I go out to eat breakfast every week after we attend the meeting.. and we always get something bad!) I had an egg-white and spinach omelette with a side of fruit instead of potatoes or sausage... and I feel soo much better than when we do the french toast or pancakes. All the small changes are beginning to effect all the areas of my life. I'm making great choices all the time and truly enjoying them..

I don't usually work out on the weekends, but today I am going to do just that! I want this feeling to never end!! (don't judge me, but tonight I am drinking my wine! lol... I need one slip a week!)

I hope that you all feel empowered! Doing this for me, making these choices for me, it's something that no one can take away from me.. this is me being selfish, only I can change my life... it's the best feeling ever.. only here can I be fully in control.. and I'm gonna ride this pony all the way to the end!!!!

Have a great Saturday!

xoxo

Feeling Beautiful...

2009-03-13T09:52:00.003-04:00

So the weigh in is tomorrow, and I'm not nervous. I can't be upset at what the results may be. I've worked out hard all week, and eaten my exact points everyday (even when I wasn't in the mood to eat...)... I am so damn proud of myself, so proud in fact, that the number isn't important. I did this for me.

I'm seeing changes, I'm feeling better, and I know I am doing this right !!!!!! Despite the fact I'm in no way thin, today I feel beautiful, I feel sexy, I feel desirable!

I'm just so happy for the changes that I'VE made, no one else can do this for me. This week I proved to myself that I AM WORTH IT!!!!

Last night I kept thinking to myself how awesome it's going to be to be thin one day! I'm not so far away from my goal. It's a possibility.. and right this minute I'm strong enough to achieve it. Right this second.. tomorrow may be another story! LOL

I have to admit I'm craving Chocolate, and for some reason last night I was thinking about a BIG ASS BACON CHEESEBURGER!!!!!!!

Ahh.. instead I'm eating my eggwhites and oatmeal for breaky, and moving on from there! I really wish I could go to the gym today, but I have to go into work 5 hours early, and my gym isn't open after 8pm on Friday's.. and Since I only got 5 hours sleep last night I wasn't able to get up early to go before work... So I must rush off...

I'll blog again once the weigh in is done.

For now... Ciao friends!

xoxo

2009-03-11T15:43:00.004-04:00

I am soo happy.

I am starting to see the changes in my body.

You know how sometimes you think you see changes, but then you realize you're just seeing something... well this time I know it's true.. why??

Because I fit back into my bridesmaid's dress from my Brother's wedding!!!! (Excuse the ex beside me in the pic.. but it shows how form fitting the dress is! LOL)

So although I'm still about 12 pounds more than I was in that pic... I'm working out more than I did back then, so I'm about the same "size" and I'm sooo darn happy about that!

Now I am also really sick right now :( So when I woke up this morning the last thing I wanted to do was work out. But then I watched the Biggest Loser from last night (soooo glad Mandy is gone.. I don't really like her or her sister....sorry!) I tried on my dress, and a couple other clothes from that summer.. I was suddenly REALLY MOTIVATED! LOL

I did 30 minutes on high incline and at a 3.9 on the treadmill, and then I did the bike.. I hate the DAMNED BIKE! But whenever I wanted to lower the intensity on it I kept saying "4 pounds this week, 4 pounds this week...." .. I didn't give up!

Now reality does set in, and I know I may not lose 4 pounds this week, but I am going to do the best I truly can to see BIG NUMBERS!

I hope everyone is having a great week.. thank God it's Hump Day! lol

xoxo

Is This Too Much To Expect... In One Week??

2009-03-09T10:08:00.010-04:00

So the goal of the week is .... 4 Pounds Do you think I can do it? I know it's a little more than I probably should be shooting for, but I would love... Love... LOVE to lose it and be at my

10 % Weight Watchers GOAL!!!

It really does just give me something to focus on and work at ALL WEEK. It also takes my mind off my FUCKWIT ex.

I made a ginormous pot of chili yesterday. That really seems to be a bit of my Weight loss secret. (without being a secret). The spicy-ness of it makes me drink loads of water, and it's a controlled portion, and it's not laden down with carbs or sugar.... so for some reason taking it for my work lunch/dinner really works for me.. plus it really fills me, and then I don't want to snack afterwards!

Going back to the Fuckwit, he messaged me on MSN yesterday (How did I miss blocking him and deleting him on there?? GRRRRR!!!) ... he wanted to know if something was wrong. So I told him how much he creeped me out and freaked me out. He ended up getting very mad at me and said "fine I guess I'll just leave you alone." So I replied "sure, bye" and that was it.. I am SOOooooooooOOOooooooo hoping that he actually really has gotten the point and does leave me alone. I think I am still going to run into the police station today just to see what kinda rights I have and even give them a heads up as to the situation at hand.. oh my!

Anyway kiddies, I have to go to the gym and have a killer work out..

Have a great day!

xoxo

Happy Day, Bad Night...

2009-03-07T15:15:00.005-05:00

Words just can't describe how happy I am in this moment..

I lost another 2.6 today.. taking me to a total of 18.4 lbs lost! I haven't done this well on weight watchers EVER before! I usually quit around the 15 lb mark.

My 10% is so close I can almost taste it.. just another 4 pounds.. maybe if I work really hard this week I'll reach it for next week!

Oh I am so happy!

I had a fairly stressful night last night.... I broke up with my ex last summer. It was a decent enough break up, however he didn't really get the point. He honestly thinks we're gonna get back together at some point. I have done nothing to encourage this notion. All week he was trying to get together with me, Monday I told him I had a doctor's appointment (which in all honesty I was sure it was Monday but it turned out to be Wednesday, oops!).. Wednesday I didn't bother replying to his text, and Friday I told him it was Girl's night. Okay I flat out lied there. I was planning a quiet night at home on my own. I went to the gym after work and wanted to stay in , make a lovely supper, and just chill out. He got mad and sent me a text saying "it's alway's girl's night or doc appointments. Grr!!". I didn't reply. At 9pm he sent me another text asking if it was still girl's night. I sent back 4 letters. "yeah". I was getting ready for a relaxing bath, when he sent me a text that said. " But I'm in the area"... (he lives 45 minutes away. No reason to be in the area.. ) . At this point I put on my robe and ranaround the house, shutting curtains and turning out lights, and of course setting the alarm. Just then he sent me yet another text "The house looks good".... SHIT MOTHERFRICKER!!!! He was outside by my mailbox watching my house! How creepy is that I ran up to my room. I peeked behind the blind seeing his car.. Just then my phone rang and scared the crap out of me. It was a buddy.. my heart was beating so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants.. I told him he had to stay on the line with me until Fuckwit outside was gone. ... Am I over reacting? 1/2 an hour later he sent me his final text "Fine, have a good night then."

I was scared shitless.. who comes over after being told that the other person is already busy?

Did I forget to mention his ex had to get a RESTRAINING ORDER when she broke up with him????

Yikes a boo boo!

I want to send him an email telling him how disrespectful he was of me and my wishes last night, and that this is the only warning he shall get. Next time I'm calling the cops.. but I chickened out ... and so all I did was delete him from facebook. .. Creepy!

Well I have a date tonight with my cowboy. So I think I am going to go relax until I have to get ready. I bought a sexy new outfit that fits perfectly. So I'm stoked.. I'm gonna knock his socks off!!!!

Take care!

xoxo

Sucker for a smile..

2009-03-02T19:37:00.002-05:00

Hello blog friends!

What can I tell you, I'm a sucker for a smile.. especially on a cowboy .. (mmm Cowboys! lol).. and the guy I've been dating for the last 2 months is this amazing looking fella indeed! Who has a love of country music, a great truck, and a beautiful dog! A Cowboy indeedy! LOL

Now I say "dating", and although I've been seeing him and only him, I'm not sure if you could call what we've been doing dating. Shall I explain?

We have been going for coffee, for 2 months. He came by my friend's place at New Years to give me a New Years hug (aww).. however that was the last time he had touched me.. for 2 months! No kisses, no more hugs.. nada!

This weekend he invited me to go to the dog park with him, his dog CuJo, and his buddy and his buddy's girlfriend. I was all for it! Too bad it was -20 with the windchill! lol

Now when he picked me up, he hugged me.. I was in heaven. We chatted the entire time, lots of laughter, and this is when I realized, he's going so darn slow because he's "Courting" me! As he dropped me off on Saturday I think he was going to lean over and kiss me in his truck, but my neighbours were outside and watching me... so I told him I had a terrific time, and hopped out. (not as fast as it sounds, but I did make a swift getaway!)..

So last night he came over for a drink. Man was I nervous. He's been in my house before, not only when he's picked me up, but he also came when I had friend's over for a Dance Dance Revolution 2 (Or as we pro's call it DDR2) party... but now it was going to be just the two of us. My house is always spotless and free of clutter.. when I get stressed or nervous I clean, and yet I had NOTHING to clean! LOL... Anyway he came over, he had a beer, I had wine.. and we just talked, laughed, and shared. It was so delightful.

At the end I walked him to the door, and he took me in his arms for another amazing hug, we pulled apart.. and then he hugged me again, with a kiss on the cheek! A kiss on the cheek.. ahhhh I'm in heaven! LOL (I think he may have been going in for a lip kiss, but me being the klutzy girl I am.. I turned my head slightly... but I'll still settle for the cheek kiss!)

I've never had a relationship that has moved so slowly, but I gotta tell you, it feels amazing to be wooed, I feel so special. Someone is putting a real effort into spending time with me.

I remember telling him last night how nervous I was to be moving to a different area at work today. It was with all the same people, but I was in charge of some different operations.. and he remembered and messaged me when I got home to see how I made out..

I gotta tell you guys.. I like this one!!!!

I guess it's at this point that you realize that this Kirsti girl is an utterly pathetic romantic!!! LOL..

This has nothing to do with weight loss, except that right now, he is the reason I'm working that little bit harder at the gym..

he's so pretty!!!!

LOL.. just had to share!

I Rocked The Weigh In!!!

2009-02-28T14:58:00.002-05:00

I did it.. I finally bust through my damn plateau of sorts.. I lost 3.6 this week.. all I can say is I am so proud of me!

My girlfriends have been so supportive and helpful. I was actually planning on skipping this week's WI, but instead I went. (If I didn't go, I had 2 friends who both threatened to come to my house and drag me kicking and screaming.. ) ... so off I went.. not sure if I was going to go down.. I wasn't really all that scared, but still there was a sense of nervousness about me... regardless of if I went down or not, I knew I had worked hard all week. I went to a wedding reception last night.. open bar.. I didn't drink a drop, just 3 bottles of water.. and all the goodies they had there.. I had grapes and strawberries..

Very Very VERY proud of me.. and this week the diligence paid off..

So the differences between last week and this week..

I allowed myself wine last week.. and loved every drop of it! LOL

I worked out before work ..

I'm pretty sure the working out before work is what did it for me.. but I am glad I can still have my saturday glasses of wine and not have it hinder my weight loss!

I'm also thrilled because I get to go down a point in my daily points that I have to consume.. I've been trying to get rid of that darn point for WEEKS!!! LOL

Hope you all had such a stellar day!

I'm off to ready myself for my date!

take care!

xoxo

(p.s pic is from Oktoberfest. ... not the wedding!! LOL)

I'm beat, but what a great week!!!

2009-02-27T17:08:00.003-05:00

Okay I really wish I could get a Starbucks IV right now! LOL.. I am so horribly beat! I was awake Monday through Wednesday at 3:45am, and Thursday I randomly just awoke at 2:45am!!! Now why the early am's?? I went to the gym every day before work.. (did it today too.. yay). Now I am so darn proud of myself. I worked out for 90 minutes M-W and with the extra time on Thursday I did an extra 30 and then allowed myself 30 minutes in the sauna!!!

Now food wise.. I've been a saint. I've eaten very healthy, within my points daily (well except for Saturday's cheat! )... I haven't had many carbs today, but I did have some for breakfast, so I'm hoping that's enough for now!

I've had loads of water, and have had to pee all day long, Yikes!!!

So the weigh in tomorrow.. well.. usually I am fearful of them.. this week I'm so darn excited.. I cannot wait to see the results.. whether good or bad.. I know I worked my ass of this week (literally I hope... ), and I'm proud of my commitment and motivation!

Now asides from the weight loss thing.. I may have a date tomorrow.. and I really like him.. so fingers crossed!!!

I'm off to a wedding reception tonight (yes on a friday!)... I plan on taking a Toonie with me.. (for water) and nothing more so I won't buy alcohol.... and I'm also going with 3 of my girlfriends.. and we plan on freaking dancing the night away.. hopefully I'll burn some more calories!!!

Hope you all have an amazing weekend!

xoxo

Confessions of a Happy Camper

2009-02-24T18:15:00.007-05:00

Okay I have got to tell you.. I haven't behaved myself much this week..

Saturday I decided to get drunk with my girlfriend who is in Weight Watchers with me (the skinny one! lol)... I already had plans to go to dinner with another girlfriend.. so I invited the Weight Watchers friend to come too..

and boy oh boy.. did we eat well..

We ordered an appetizer to start (Spinach and artichoke dip).. and drinks (I had a gin Martini.. yummy!)... then our entree.. (Boston Pizza's Perogi Pizza.. oh my gosh yum yum!).. and an extra side of Sour cream!

We tried to be good and not get dessert, but my girlfriend from WW ordered us each an order of poutine for later that night.. lol.. I was like "who is going to want poutine later?".. but good thing she did!

We drank up a storm while chatting and laughing like mad! Then after I was about 1 full bottle of wine into the evening, we started chowing down on the poutine.. oh my gosh sooo glad she ordered those!

I finally went to bed around 1am, after consuming all that food, and 1.5 bottles of wine.. lol

Now since then I haven't really eaten anything too crazy, but I haven't been following the WW plan 100%.. I just haven't been me all week. . I haven't cared whether or not I see a result this week.... I just ant to get away from the pressure of losing weight.. the way I felt the first couple weeks of the year, where I knew I could do it.. but I didn't care how long it would take to do so.

Today however I feel like I'm back into the Groove!! I have 10 points left for the evening.. and I just made "white chili" it's 5 points a bowl.. so I'll do that and maybe finish it off with a homemade latte...

Maybe this is my turning point. Maybe I needed to be Bad all week, just to get back to my starting point.

Maybe.... Just Maybe I'm just making excuses so I don't feel so much like I've strayed so very far this week.. for no intensive purpose. .. ..

Whatever the reason, I can't change the past, so I must look ahead and see what could be.

Hoping you all have had a good couple days, whether you followed your program to a T or strayed as I have..

Take care, and blog soon!

xoxo

Scale of fears...

2009-02-21T14:04:00.005-05:00

I'm sad...

Today the scale was not my friend. The month of February has been a waste for me, I am back to where I was 4 weeks ago.. I lost 2 pounds the first 2 weeks and then in the last 2 I've put it back on. Exactly 1.0 pound at a time.

If I were a guy I'd say this was a swift kick in the nutts.

Feeling horribly sad.

I worked my ass off this week. Everyday at the gym, I didn't even CHEAT!!!

So what have I done differently in the last 4 weeks..

well..

I haven't had any wine..

So what will I do differently today??

I'm drinking a full bottle of "Fat Bastard" Merlot!

I'll let you know how this method works for me!!!

Don't worry I'm not going to be sad and drink alone.. I'm having my girls over and they are doing the exact same!!!

I'm taking today off from the gym.. I'll go back

tomorrow..

Have a good day,

xoxo

Scared to freaking Death!!!!!!!

2009-02-20T14:24:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow .. 9am sharp.. less than 17 hours from now.. I am being...

WEIGHED !!!

Okay so I really shouldn't be nervous, I worked out every day... I have eaten so properly that I should get a freaking medal.. I am FREAKING OUT!!!

What if I gain?

I can't take another gain.. I'll fall off this truck for sure.. the weight loss truck..

I PRAY I see results..

Real Results..

not a little 0.4 loss.. I want at least 2 pounds..

I NEED THIS!

Okay so I'm a little melodramatic.. but I know in my heart I need something to keep my spirits up..

I had an old colleague write on my facebook wall today.. and I quote..

"I can't believe you haven't found that someone special. From what I remember you have all the right stuff, not that you need someone to complete whom you are, but it's nice to share it with someone........"

Okay so I'm desirable.. but why is it that it's only married and taken guys that tell me this?? LOL..

I'm Not a HOMEWRECKER!!!

LOL... what ever!!!

On the heels of Valentine's day.. I still feel very very aware of my singleness!

Okay so no more freaking out.. I am going to be calm and drink lots of water today.. I pray pray

PRAY

pray.. I lose weight this week...

xoxo

Another 48 hours...

2009-02-19T11:02:00.002-05:00

Just a quickie today..

I am freaking nervous about the weigh in this week. Followed WW to a "T"... worked out everyday to the point of massive sweating.. No afterwork eating, and lots and lots of water..

So in reality I really shouldn't be worried about the weigh in! But ladies and gents.. that's not me. I'm a worrier, I just don't want to GAIN again!!!!!

So wish me luck as I go off to the gym and survive the next 48 hours before the weigh in...

I am craving all sorts of food.. chocolate, cheese, caesar salad, chicken wings (hmm all "C's"..) and breakfast... eggs, homefries, sausage, baked beans and toast!!! Mmmmmm!! Thank God for Saturday morning breakfast with my great girlfriend who joined WW with me.. she's skinny, but likes to eat.. and we go for breaky every Saturday after our WW meeting.. our one "okay" time to cheat!

Okay I'm off.. best wishes to all of you out there.. and I'm gonna keep it together.. I WILL SUCCEED THIS WEEK!!!

xoxo

Self analysis

2009-02-17T11:46:00.003-05:00

I have to admit, after the weekend I had I really need to get my butt in order. I need to get my ass off the couch and work out very hard.. I'm nervous about the weigh in on Saturday, I kinda want to skip it in hopes that by the time I weigh in at the very end of the month I will see some kinda results..

I can't believe I've gone the ENTIRE month of February with NO results (the two pounds I lost... well I gained one back.. so a month and only one pound!!!!)... it's so off putting.

I know I can do this, I just need to get my head back into the game.

Why am I falling off the wagon?

Good question..

I'm thinking that it's because I'm freaking out over money, men, and weight (is their an M I could have used for weight?? mass perhaps?)... So money.. well lets just say I get paid well, but no extra over time really shows up on my pay cheque.. and now I have to use that dreaded word... "budget" gulp!!!! So then there's men.. Why do men say they are going to call and then don't.. but finally do at the end of the weekend with the excuse of why they were too busy to call? I mean, I totally believe them, but at the same time, is that my naivety ? ? ? Should I believe them? Do I want to believe them, because I want to be wanted??

Also on the Men aspect.. my ex just doesn't get the hint. He keeps messaging me and emailing me, telling me that when I'm ready he's here, when I'm ready he'll marry me.... YIKES!!!! Last night I broke down and messaged him.. thank God he didn't respond... but alas, he will get the message and then I'll have to make up some story about being drunk.. lol..... weakness sucks!!!

And I don't need to explain the weight thing.. you all know that story! Too bad the other two (money and men) play such and influence on the weight... Oh my oh my oh my!

Well kiddies.. I'm going to put another load in the washer, and then get into my workout duds.. and then go workout.. definitely have to kick my own ass today!

Have a great Tuesday.

xoxo

One Step At A Time...

2009-02-16T17:35:00.003-05:00

Okay I am in such better spirits today. I really had to take a step back from everything, and say "what was I thinking?"...

I am so successful with so many things in my life, but when I try to tackle something that is a little harder, something that may take a little longer to see results, I get so down on myself. I need to realize that good things take time.. like take my house for example (that's the pic .. my staircase..) I drove by it everyday for 7 months.. and it felt like it took FOREVER... and I'm so glad it took as long as it did.. because I absolutely love it.. it's perfect! My Mum often tells me that things that take a little longer to achieve almost force you to really enjoy and appreciate them! She is soo right. I know I would have loved a house that was already built. But my house is all me. I got to put all my little touches into it. I picked the tile, the countertops, the flooring, the carpet, the layout... So if I put that much effort and patience into my house, well why wouldn't I do the same for myself??

So I'm excited again. I'm not going to go into this too ambitious. I know I will have bad weeks. I know I will have obstacles to overcome. I know I will have slip ups. It's not these slip ups that will define me or my weight loss.. it's how I handle them.

As for now I am planning on making myself up a delicious spinich pasta topped with tofu and turkey.. yum yum!

I hope you all had an enjoyable "Family Day" (if you are in the Canadian Provinces that observe it as a holiday...) or a fantastic "President's day" (If you're an American...)... or just a terrific Monday (to all the rest!)...

Have a splendid evening..

xoxo

Warning... Warning... Rant Ahead...

2009-02-14T12:07:00.004-05:00

Warning...

This is not for the faint of heart..

I am so freaking pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was SooooOOOOoooo good all week.. with one slip up last night.. and I gained a FU&*ING pound.

Now I'm not being completely oblivious to my mess up last night. I know I ate Chinese (1 plate.. a bigger plate, but still 1 plate) , and drank beer (1 bottle), and had chocolate (a big bag of M&M's.. gotta do it right! LOL).. but still with all the freaking working out I did... I thought I would have lost 4 lbs... OH MY GOODNESS>>>> SOOOOooooooOOOOO not impressed right now!

So don't be surprised if you don't hear too much from me this week. I need to get back to square one and figure out what I'm doing wrong..

I hate being a failure.. I am such a competitive person.. and I know I'm not a "Failure" but I failed myself... and that's bad.. I am the kinda girl that strives to be the best at everything.

Take work for example.. to get promoted to Team Leader you need to be there about 3 years full time.. I put it in my head that I was going to be a team leader, .. not just any team leader, but the first female team leader in the weld shop (I'm the only female in the weld shop... has it's good days.. and it's bad!)... so I took all my classes, passed my test, made it to the interview process against 7 men, and lo and behold was a team leader 13 months after I made full time!

I'm very very VERY competitive! Also very goal oriented..

I can do this, I will do this..

I just need to figure out how to accomplish my goals and succeed!

Enjoy Valentines day,

you know I love you all

xoxo

Valentines day blues..

2009-02-13T22:22:00.004-05:00

Oh my goodness..

why is it that every year I get so down... Valentine's day is a commercialized holiday, and although I am perfectly happy being a member of the singledom's, I still feel so very alone during this time where everything is so damn couple oriented.. which sucks, because I am such a strong woman usually!!

So how did I deal with these feelings of singledom and doom? Well I just ate a bunch of chinese food, which I washed down with a nice cold beer, and then topped off with some chocolate.. at the time it made me feel SOOOoooooOOOOOO good.. however .... well now I don't feel as good! LOL

So there is my online confession.. and to think, tomorrow is weigh in day! I wonder how this slip will effect the scale.. oooh damn it!

I hope everyone feels some love this weekend, even if it's from the creepy seahorse at the zoo! LOL

Well happy Valentines day bloggers!

xoxo

The Journey Continues....

2009-02-10T13:34:00.004-05:00

I just got home from the Gym, I had a terrific work out, and feel like this week is going to be as successful as I hope it will be!!! Maybe I won't lose 4 pounds, but I'm still gonna lose!

I'm sitting here, watching Dawson's Creek... Do you remember the days when that was on the air? Ahh the will they won't they couple of the century, Dawson & Joey... I always rooted for Pacey though, the classic underdog.. the jokester, the side kick.. the hottie!!! I always saw myself as Joey and hoped my best friend at the time would one day look at me and see the girl of his dreams.. (That never happened.. the douche bag that he was talked about me behind my back calling me a cow, talking about how poor my family was, and how pathetic I was.. nice huh?? Great best friend.. I sure knew how to pick em!) ... life was soo much simpler back then.. my biggest concern was what I would do on the weekend... However I was well over 300 pounds even back then.. and lived vicariously through my favourite tv shows. I loved the Capeside gang, and the mess they would get into. The over educated conversations they would have, and the horrors that they had to endure (oh no.. my car has a ding, or who will I take to the prom?? LOL).. Watching these old episodes almost transports me back in time.. and now it makes me think of how different my life is now... When I was young my family was very hard up. We could barely make ends meet, now I have a terrific job, and although times are tough with the recent economic crisis, I am soo much better off. Weight wise, well I'm about 150 pounds lighter than I was in highschool, I have better skin, much better fashion sense.. and some fantastic friends.. Life is so freaking great right now..

It's amazing how an episode of Dawson's Creek makes me count my blessings!!!!! Makes me remember how wonderful my life is, and how I shouldn't let the small things make me stumble and get discouraged!

I'm back on the road to success, and I hope that you all can have a reminder in your day, something that makes you go "huh... life is soo much better today then when I was friends with that total douche who made me feel horrible about myself.." lol..

Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll break into my "Gummy Bears" dvd's and transport myself back to the ripe old age of 8!! LOL

Have a terrific day kids..

and all I gots to say is I'm soo glad Pacey got the Girl!!! :)

xoxo

What a great day! I deserve a drink! LOL

2009-02-09T14:54:00.003-05:00

Good afternoon Fellow Bloggers!!! :)

So.. what can I say?? I have had a terrific day so far! I awoke this morning with a smile on my face. I ate a healthy breaky of All Bran with Non-Fat milk, and a cup of Blackberries, I then put on my favourite work out duds, put my hair in a cute pony tail (it's almost long enough again.. hmm hair cut time?? LOL) and took my butt off to the gym!

I had a terrific workout.. started on the stair climber (which is truly of the Devil let me tell you!), then the eliptical, and finally the treadmill. I learned today that once my body is warmed up fully, I can run for longer. I had no problem running at 6.0 for 5 minutes straight.. something I have never been able to do before.

So Question...

Why is it that when you're at your sweatiest the cutest guy at the gym chooses the treadmill right beside you?? There I was a sweaty blobby mess.. and Mr. Nice Abs comes over and grins his award winning trident smile at the cute little trainer on the treadmill across the gym (why couldn't he go to the machine beside her?? Did they want to make googly eyes at each other??) and then hops on the machine beside me.. running without a care in the world.. not sweating a drop at 7.3~ Meanwhile at this point I'm walking along at 3.9, an incline of 4.5.. and my face is sweating, my torso is sweating, even my ass is sweating, my nose is running, my hair is all over the place, and my ipod is blaring Britney... and he's just smiling, chatting and running.. I hate him! LOL.. and his cuteness... ahhhh the joys of a co-ed Gym!!! LOL

I can't wait to finish this day.. I've already accomplished my water goal... just hoping the assholes at work are in good spirits and don't make me pull my hair out! LOL... tonight I must make sure I don't eat when I come home, pretty much when I get off at 2:15am I am usually STARVING, but I've found I am most successful when I go straight to bed.. so the plan is off work, home by around 3am and in bed by 3:15!!!! NO FOOD AFTER WORK!!!! LOL if only it was that easy.. I need a no food mantra... what should it be??

Eat after work and you'll have a fat ass?? LOL

Maybe it should rhyme.. Any ideas? LOL

Well I'm about to sign off, I think I am going to make the 0 point soup that is in the Weight Watchers start up book.. has anyone tried it?? Is it good at all?? If I like it I'll blog the recipe soon!!!

Hope you're all having such a divine day!

Cheers

xoxo