Just Another Fallen Angel...

I feel like I'm a broken record... I feel like just another of the fallen angels who walk back through the doors of Weight Watchers and says once again I'm gonna do it this time..

So I think I gave away what I'm doing again.. I'm back at Weight Watchers.. it worked for me once.. so I pray it's going to work for me again this time..

However saying that.. am I truly committed to making it work ? I keep over eating my points.. and I haven't counted any glass of wine yet...

Does anyone else feel like you're paying a fee to feel bad about yourself when you step on that damn scale?

Despite the way I feel I went for a run today, and have made sure my house is a hot bed for success... so this being said. I hope I am successful.. and that I finally get control of this..

Until next time.

xoxo

How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By Him....

Wow.. how is it possible.. it just can't be true.. I've turned into one of those sappy love sick girls!

It's true.. I'm in love.. so in love.. with the most amazing man ever.. I've spoken of him before.. years ago... we went out a couple times.. but we finally reconnected in January of 2012... how am I this lucky? 


Now the best part about him is he loves me no matter what! He met me at my lightest (around 175lbs) and then fell in love with me at 248lbs! Seriously? He's such an amazing man.. loves the real me.. the inside me.. not the outside me.. 

Now don't get me wrong.. he likes it when I look sexy.. but he doesn't dwell on it.. He supports me in my weight loss (as being with him I'm down 30 lbs now!)...  but doesn't make me feel like any less of a beautiful woman because of my extra weight. 

I want to scream it from the roof tops, but I won't, as I can only imagine how irritating the neighbours would find it.. 

I just hope and pray (and secretly work out... ) that I will continue to lose weight.. so when .. yes when (not if) he asks me to marry him... I won't have a long journey ahead of me to get to the wedding size of my dreams! 

Sappy or not.. I'm a happy girl.. who can only get healthier from here!

Until next time

xoxo

I think... I think... I don't wanna jinx it..

I may have found the right eating plan for me.. I've lost 11.6 pounds in 8 days.. Um.. OMG?? It's wild.. I'm never hungry.. I eat healthy food, I can go out if I want.. and I can have a 4 oz glass of red wine daily if I choose!

Now here is the thing.. I'm so scared of acknowledging this small success.. I don't want to fail again.. do I tell my family and friends? Or do I keep my mouth shut until they notice?


Do I tell everyone and worry that they may sabotage me ?  Or Judge me if I go off track?


I just want to succeed... can I ?

12 Weeks!

Well it was 12 weeks this past Tuesday until  Christmas! My most favourite time of the year.. Usually around now I'm all excited, realizing I get to soon decorate and put up my tree, watch my favourite movies, and buy presents for those I love.. but I'm actually really dreading the holiday season..

I don't want to admit that I've let another year pass me by.. and I've done nothing to change my health, except let it get worse.. I've gained so much weight in the last year.. it's upsetting.. this time last year I was just at 200 pounds, and I felt like such a failure.. now I'm creeping up on 240.. failure has nothing on me! I have done more than just fail...

So how.. how do I take all of the moments of motivation, and put them into action.. when all I can think about it eating something yummy?

Is anyone else out there feeling this way too?

I feel like Weight Watchers is probably my best bet.. but then I'd actually have to follow it completely.. oh gosh.. I'm a tool..

I need to get my head into this game again.. after all it's12 weeks to christmas (well 82 days.. ) and my Winter Jacket doesn't even come close to fitting me!

Yikes..

Off I go..

xoxo

Surrounded ...

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.. not just one but several..

You all know about my battle of the bulge, but there are a couple more I don't mention.. the one that I feel like I'm fighting right now is the battle at work.. 

I'm the only girl.. surrounded by men.. and I'm in a place of authority.. My boss seems to understand how to treat people.. but he has no compassion for me whatsoever... He is hard on me, and chooses to put me on probation, when I had to miss work due to a car accident.. I don't understand him.. 

I'm not used to people not liking me.. so this is confusing.. what do I do to rectify this?

I've been fairly proud of myself since I have yet to cry over this situation.. but in reality I'm devastated.. I'm trying to get a promotion.. and this probation means I won't be able to be promoted for at least a year!

Plus.. here I am right now feeling like crap.. and I know I don't have the option to go home... I hate feeling like a prisoner at my job... 

It's much like being a prisoner in your body.. 

You know the environment.. you just cannot get comfortable.. for fear of what could happen.. 

Gosh... when will things start to look up for me? 

The most comical part about this "probation" is today I had to read the "Ethics Policy" refresher, and it touches on people swearing in everyday talk, harassment, and being left out.. all things my boss is guilty of.. but hey.. as long as he gives me probation for my absence due to a car acci8dent.. all is right with the world.. 

Man I'm bitter!!!!!! 

xoxo

Facts Of Life...

So after my so called "Wake Up Call" I had a long talk with my guy. I told him yet again, how miserable I am in my own skin. How I am so sad that I look the way I do, and I must do something to change it.. 


The dilemma I face is when I'm with him at his house.. see he doesn't like Veggies.. So our meals mainly consist of carbs and protein.. This is why I always end up with a little gain after every weekend there.. 
So I told him we need to start carrying veg so I am able to stick to my Weight Watchers plan.. and feel full longer with the fiber of the veg.. 


He seems on board.. saying he wouldn't mind being on Weight Watchers too, to possibly lose 10-15 pounds himself.. So... I'm hoping he does join.. this way I'm not alone in my plight.. 


Years ago, when I was so successful, it's because I was actively doing the Points plan with a good girl friend. Something about the continued accountability helped me stick to it.. I think it was the competition factor.. I'm a very competitive person.. and I enjoyed seeing who lost more each week.. 


Where has this passion and competitiveness gone???? I had a marvelous day yesterday, and I stepped on the scale today, and it says I've gained.... I need to pack that damn scale up and ignore the numbers until a week has gone by... 


Okay... I know these blogs are boring right now.. I apologize.. it's just hard to be upbeat and funny when it feels like my weight is truly weighing deeply on me.. 


take care. 

xoxo

My Wake Up Call..

We all have those moments.. you see yourself through someone elses eyes.. and you don't like what you see..


This  past week my boyfriend and I took a drive to a furniture store that was 3 hours away from his house. On the way back he surprised me and took me to Niagara falls for dinner. Before we ate we decided to get a closer look at the falls, as it had been at least 10 years since either one of us had gone there.. as we were looking at the magnificent natural wonder, I decided we needed to take a picture of us in front of the falls... after I took 2 fairly decent pictures a passerby asked me if he could take a picture or two for us.. once he had finished I thanked him, and instantly checked out our pics.. and sadly I was HORRIFIED by what I saw.. 


Who was this FAT girl next to my boyfriend? She has my face, but there was NO WAY that could be me... could it??


I knew I had gained a lot of weight.. but I just couldn't get over how awful I looked in the pic... 


Is this finally the wake up call I need? 


Or am I broken record that will repeat this statement and keep starting my diet tomorrow??? 


xoxo