Just Another Fallen Angel...

I feel like I'm a broken record... I feel like just another of the fallen angels who walk back through the doors of Weight Watchers and says once again I'm gonna do it this time..

So I think I gave away what I'm doing again.. I'm back at Weight Watchers.. it worked for me once.. so I pray it's going to work for me again this time..

However saying that.. am I truly committed to making it work ? I keep over eating my points.. and I haven't counted any glass of wine yet...

Does anyone else feel like you're paying a fee to feel bad about yourself when you step on that damn scale?

Despite the way I feel I went for a run today, and have made sure my house is a hot bed for success... so this being said. I hope I am successful.. and that I finally get control of this..

Until next time.

xoxo

How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By Him....

Wow.. how is it possible.. it just can't be true.. I've turned into one of those sappy love sick girls!

It's true.. I'm in love.. so in love.. with the most amazing man ever.. I've spoken of him before.. years ago... we went out a couple times.. but we finally reconnected in January of 2012... how am I this lucky? 


Now the best part about him is he loves me no matter what! He met me at my lightest (around 175lbs) and then fell in love with me at 248lbs! Seriously? He's such an amazing man.. loves the real me.. the inside me.. not the outside me.. 

Now don't get me wrong.. he likes it when I look sexy.. but he doesn't dwell on it.. He supports me in my weight loss (as being with him I'm down 30 lbs now!)...  but doesn't make me feel like any less of a beautiful woman because of my extra weight. 

I want to scream it from the roof tops, but I won't, as I can only imagine how irritating the neighbours would find it.. 

I just hope and pray (and secretly work out... ) that I will continue to lose weight.. so when .. yes when (not if) he asks me to marry him... I won't have a long journey ahead of me to get to the wedding size of my dreams! 

Sappy or not.. I'm a happy girl.. who can only get healthier from here!

Until next time

xoxo

I think... I think... I don't wanna jinx it..

I may have found the right eating plan for me.. I've lost 11.6 pounds in 8 days.. Um.. OMG?? It's wild.. I'm never hungry.. I eat healthy food, I can go out if I want.. and I can have a 4 oz glass of red wine daily if I choose!

Now here is the thing.. I'm so scared of acknowledging this small success.. I don't want to fail again.. do I tell my family and friends? Or do I keep my mouth shut until they notice?


Do I tell everyone and worry that they may sabotage me ?  Or Judge me if I go off track?


I just want to succeed... can I ?

12 Weeks!

Well it was 12 weeks this past Tuesday until  Christmas! My most favourite time of the year.. Usually around now I'm all excited, realizing I get to soon decorate and put up my tree, watch my favourite movies, and buy presents for those I love.. but I'm actually really dreading the holiday season..

I don't want to admit that I've let another year pass me by.. and I've done nothing to change my health, except let it get worse.. I've gained so much weight in the last year.. it's upsetting.. this time last year I was just at 200 pounds, and I felt like such a failure.. now I'm creeping up on 240.. failure has nothing on me! I have done more than just fail...

So how.. how do I take all of the moments of motivation, and put them into action.. when all I can think about it eating something yummy?

Is anyone else out there feeling this way too?

I feel like Weight Watchers is probably my best bet.. but then I'd actually have to follow it completely.. oh gosh.. I'm a tool..

I need to get my head into this game again.. after all it's12 weeks to christmas (well 82 days.. ) and my Winter Jacket doesn't even come close to fitting me!

Yikes..

Off I go..

xoxo

Surrounded ...

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.. not just one but several..

You all know about my battle of the bulge, but there are a couple more I don't mention.. the one that I feel like I'm fighting right now is the battle at work.. 

I'm the only girl.. surrounded by men.. and I'm in a place of authority.. My boss seems to understand how to treat people.. but he has no compassion for me whatsoever... He is hard on me, and chooses to put me on probation, when I had to miss work due to a car accident.. I don't understand him.. 

I'm not used to people not liking me.. so this is confusing.. what do I do to rectify this?

I've been fairly proud of myself since I have yet to cry over this situation.. but in reality I'm devastated.. I'm trying to get a promotion.. and this probation means I won't be able to be promoted for at least a year!

Plus.. here I am right now feeling like crap.. and I know I don't have the option to go home... I hate feeling like a prisoner at my job... 

It's much like being a prisoner in your body.. 

You know the environment.. you just cannot get comfortable.. for fear of what could happen.. 

Gosh... when will things start to look up for me? 

The most comical part about this "probation" is today I had to read the "Ethics Policy" refresher, and it touches on people swearing in everyday talk, harassment, and being left out.. all things my boss is guilty of.. but hey.. as long as he gives me probation for my absence due to a car acci8dent.. all is right with the world.. 

Man I'm bitter!!!!!! 

xoxo

Facts Of Life...

So after my so called "Wake Up Call" I had a long talk with my guy. I told him yet again, how miserable I am in my own skin. How I am so sad that I look the way I do, and I must do something to change it.. 


The dilemma I face is when I'm with him at his house.. see he doesn't like Veggies.. So our meals mainly consist of carbs and protein.. This is why I always end up with a little gain after every weekend there.. 
So I told him we need to start carrying veg so I am able to stick to my Weight Watchers plan.. and feel full longer with the fiber of the veg.. 


He seems on board.. saying he wouldn't mind being on Weight Watchers too, to possibly lose 10-15 pounds himself.. So... I'm hoping he does join.. this way I'm not alone in my plight.. 


Years ago, when I was so successful, it's because I was actively doing the Points plan with a good girl friend. Something about the continued accountability helped me stick to it.. I think it was the competition factor.. I'm a very competitive person.. and I enjoyed seeing who lost more each week.. 


Where has this passion and competitiveness gone???? I had a marvelous day yesterday, and I stepped on the scale today, and it says I've gained.... I need to pack that damn scale up and ignore the numbers until a week has gone by... 


Okay... I know these blogs are boring right now.. I apologize.. it's just hard to be upbeat and funny when it feels like my weight is truly weighing deeply on me.. 


take care. 

xoxo

My Wake Up Call..

We all have those moments.. you see yourself through someone elses eyes.. and you don't like what you see..


This  past week my boyfriend and I took a drive to a furniture store that was 3 hours away from his house. On the way back he surprised me and took me to Niagara falls for dinner. Before we ate we decided to get a closer look at the falls, as it had been at least 10 years since either one of us had gone there.. as we were looking at the magnificent natural wonder, I decided we needed to take a picture of us in front of the falls... after I took 2 fairly decent pictures a passerby asked me if he could take a picture or two for us.. once he had finished I thanked him, and instantly checked out our pics.. and sadly I was HORRIFIED by what I saw.. 


Who was this FAT girl next to my boyfriend? She has my face, but there was NO WAY that could be me... could it??


I knew I had gained a lot of weight.. but I just couldn't get over how awful I looked in the pic... 


Is this finally the wake up call I need? 


Or am I broken record that will repeat this statement and keep starting my diet tomorrow??? 


xoxo

Quit Your "Wine-ing"....

"Who Loves Not Wine, Woman And Song, Remains A Fool His Whole Life Long"    


Martin Luther

Oh the perils of loving wine, and trying to lose weight... it's truly a harder battle than I imagined it to be... I have a very addictive personality. When I find something I love, I tend to enjoy it A LOT.. not to the point of being an alcoholic, but I will have a glass or two every day.. and that turns into a bottle every 3 days or so.. and that's a lot of empty calories.. so now it's turned into a problem for me.. I've got the food figured out... and I'm doing quite well with it.. I've talked to my boyfriend and explained how I need to get serious about losing weight, and he's very supportive! (But not over bearing and rude.. he loves me how I am.. but I'm sure he'd love a hot girlfriend more!)... I found yesterday I was just nibbling all day long... so when I went out with a buddy for dinner I had a garden salad and then a side of carrots, celery and tobasco sauce... but then came home to paint my ensuite bathroom, and I had a couple glasses of wine... now I am regretting it all.. why do I try so hard with the food, only to ruin it with the wine after that... 

So here is my personal goal.. I am NOT going to have any alcohol during the week.. and I will enjoy my wine on the weekends only! 

This I know I can do.. but I will for sure keep you updated.. 

Anyway.. that's all I really have to say today.. Take care blogger friends.. 

xoxo

Karmas a Boomerang...

My brother says Karma is a boomerang all the time... basically saying what you put out into the universe you will in turn get it back ... may not be today... may not be tomorrow.. but eventually... 


I'm a firm believer in this.. I know that by being kind and friendly to my starbucks baristas I have in turn acquired a free beverage or two over time.. at my local Tim's I have gotten many free coffees and cookies (oopsy) .. my wine store knows me and sells me wine at their discount, my grocery store often opens up a closed register when I'm in line and call me over personally... 


Why? Because I am taking an interest in the people who work there... an actual interest .. showing them kindness when the majority of people treat them like crap.. 


In turn though when people do something nasty it will come back to bite them in the butt.. Sadly today I had to put in a complaint about one of the girls that works at my hair salon. I usually get my hair done every 3 months.. and it's not cheap... but after hearing that one of the girls there has been saying nasty things about me, I have been avoiding the salon (for 6 months!), and I have not been recommending it to others when they ask me where they should go... Finally today I took a good look at my hair and realized I either had to poop or get off the pot... so the decision had to be either find a new salon, or go back to the salon.. So I decided to go back.. then the next decision had to be do I ignore the situation, or put in a complaint.. and so when I called to book the appointment the owner answered.. since I've been going there for 5 years he knows me quite well.. and so I complained.. and I know he's going to speak to her, and she won't be happy.. but she got what she deserved...


It pains me to complain and get someone in trouble.. but sometimes it's necessary for the person in the wrong .. it helps them learn how we need to behave .. should behave.. 


It doesn't take much to smile when in line for coffee, to ask your cashier how she is, to say thank you and please.. 


It could be the thing that makes someone's day a lot brighter.. 


Just sayin'

xoxo

I have a rumbly in my tumbly...

Ahh good old Winnie the Pooh.. he sure knew how to enjoy the sweeter things in life.. 


So I have no idea what I want to say today.. 


We have a great used DVD shop in Ontario... and I frequently visit their store and find some rare treasures. A couple months ago I picked up a series called "Huge".. now some of you may have seen it when it was on the telly, but I don't believe I have the channel that carried it. 


It's about a group of kids at fat camp.. and even though they are all supposed to be around the age of 17 (I assume...) I can totally identify with what these kids are feeling.. 


Feelings of no self worth, anxiety about being weighed, disappointing their loved ones, never being good enough to be loved... all the body issues.. 


Then even the ones that seem somewhat satisfied with their bodies are still wishing for some changes, like if only the fat in my thighs would migrate to my boobs, or hips, or butt.. 


Sadly since I put back on a lot of weight I'm now built like a beer keg... forget the 6 pack.. I'd like to get to a 24! 


I know I'm not the biggest girl out there, but I feel that way.. I feel like I'm not sexy, not pretty, that I'm dull and the only thing that makes me stand out is my fat... 


BUT.. saying this... I know it's not true.. 


I had a moment last weekend... My boyfriend's sister in law was doing a treatment on my back (I recently had a car accident, and she's a physiotherapist) and she and I started to chat about the family... and she told me she was so happy I've entered the group.. telling me I'm funny, I have a great smile, I laugh a lot, and am very pretty... she loves how I dress... my stories.. 


I couldn't help but get a little choked up.. this girl who has no real reason to say such things to me.. and she lifted me up.. sometimes we need these people in our lives.. 


Two weeks ago I woke up to a message on facebook from a dear friend of mine, Rachel. Rachel and I have a funny history to our friendship. I went to Cuba to be a bridesmaid in a horrific wedding fiasco.. and Rach and her husband were at the same resort.. we seemed to just randomly realize that we were kindred spirits, and we've been ever so close since then.. that was 2010... Anyway so 2 weeks ago she sent me an uplifting message.. again telling me how great I am.. for no reason at all.. and I will cherish her words forever.. but remembering them in times of despair will be the hard part... that is always the hard part.. isn't it? 


I think we all tend to gravitate to the Eeyore feelings in life "oh no.. nobody likes me.. I'll never be good enough.. so I'll just wag my tail and wait for another day to pass me by...".. and that's an easy place to fall into ... however we need to stop.. look around, and realize that when we have self doubt about how wonderful we truly are, we are doubting the people who love and care for us, for they've chosen to be in our lives for a reason!


I don't feel like it's a huge epiphany to come to these conclusions.. but I think it was definitely something I needed to realize.. 


I hope that you realize that the people in your life, your friends, your loved ones, they are there for a reason.. there are tons of people in this world.. but they chose you.. sure your family has to acknowledge you, but we all know you can cut them out of your life if you really don't like them *thank God I don't have that issue!*... so if you start to have self doubt today.. take a minute and think about why others choose to be your friend! It's quite an eye opener.. 


Anyway.. I'm going to go have some breaky... so until next time.. 


xoxo

Oops I did it again...

Well I had a fairly good weekend, but the choices I made were surely not the best. I had a sushi feast with my brother on Friday night, followed by a couple glasses of wine... then Saturday I had a good healthy breakfast, and a nice dinner with my boyfriend's family... again had a couple glasses of wine.. no lunch though.. I don't know.. did I plan it that way so I could over indulge a bit?
Yesterday was father's day with my family. So my BF and I had crepes and strawberries with real maple syrup.. so yummy.. then we had cheese and crackers at my parent's place... then a lasagna and garlic bread meal...

I feel like I had a less indulgent weekend than most.. but I feel HUGE right now.

I'm still at my BF's house, but when I get home tomorrow I will weigh myself and see how I truly did do.

It feels like we're on a roller coaster.. we have our ups and our downs.. and we feel totally fearful, and then wildly exhilarated .... and it repeats..

I'm looking forward to finally getting back to the high moment.. where I'm excited for where life will be taking me..

I need to lose weight so badly... but I need to change my mind set from "when I lose weight" to "I am losing this weight NOW"..

How do I do that?

xoxo

Stuck In A Moment....

Wow... I can't believe I'm back here again.. back in the high 230's.. how on earth did I let this happen.. I mean HOW? 


I was off work for 5 months.. and I know that I can attribute 20lbs to that horrible time.. it was stress leave, and so between the self medicating, and the actual medication I know that I gained that then.. 


Now I sit here in my bed room.. looking at a closet full of clothes I cannot wear.... looking at a body that I am so uncomfortable in all I want to do is cry.. 


What do I do? 


Weight watchers again??... still??? Yikes... or do I do the drastic Body By Vi? I have enough of that for a 90 day challenge.. but I just didn't do well on it last time.. oh yikes... 


I'm scared.. this downward spiral isn't healthy... where will I be in a year? A year ago I was 40 pounds lighter... 40 freaking pounds! I can't keep going like this... 


The one truly bright light in my life is I have a loving boyfriend, who although he met me at my lightest, still thinks I'm beautiful now.. God bless him!


I keep trying to figure out where I was 3 years ago that aided me in my weightloss and I remembered the accountability I felt by blogging.. 


I will do my best to get back on here weekly... if not more frequently.. 


Who knows.. perhaps this time I'll lose it all again and it's gonna last.... I pray to God that I can... 


For now I'm going to go down stairs.. and fret over what to eat... food... or shake? 


Until next time... 

xoxo

Visalus, it really works!

So I started the "Body by Vi" challenge 14 days ago. I've had a wedding to attend, and a weekend of depression which caused me to overindulge, and I've still lost 7 lbs in 14 days, and several inches.

Now that I know it works, while doing it half assed, I am going to get on it 100% and see my results.

I've had a couple stressful weeks, I've been working at becoming debt free (everything except for my mortgage).. which is hard. It's brutal trying to be on a strict budget, when so many of my friends have spouses that also work, or they don't own a home and so they seem to have endless funds... But I made it work.. I talked to a banker, got my crap together, and I am now happy to say I am debt free!

So I think with this, and with the success of the Body by Vi challenge, things are looking up for me. I'm still very single, and still feeling very lonely, but I believe that the more I get myself in shape, and the more I have faith and confidence in myself, that things will improve and I will become much more social again..

Already the community of people I've met through Visalus have welcomed me with open arms.. I was invited away for this past Canadian Long weekend to the beach with one, and am going to lunch on saturday before work with another....

Who knows.... with my weight going down, things may be looking up!

xoxo

Rent-a-friend

You know when you let something bother you, you know you shouldn't, but you can't help it and it does?

I've been re-evaluating myself, and my friendships recently. My best girlfriend and I haven't said more that a couple words to each other since July 1st... and the only reason those words were shared was because we both happened to be at the dog park at the same time.. and it was awkward! .... So that really really sucks....

Another girlfriend of mine was becoming one of my best friends (I have a couple girls that I would say are my best friends...) until an event based around her came and went, and suddenly I was of no use to her anymore.. I was supposed to go to a cottage with her, and I was uninvited due to space issues... in the last week she's texted me once.. It was my holiday week... so it would have been nice if my plans hadn't fallen through.. 2 days before we were supposed to go.....

Another girl and I were supposed to go for drinks and spend a day on a patio, but she "forgot" all about it... and then after we rescheduled, she ended up being too busy...... hmmm

There are a couple more things happening.. misunderstandings, hurt feelings and such...

So everything.. the culmination of everything.. makes me feel like I'm just a lousy friend, or an easy throw away friend.. I would do anything for my friends.. and I mean anything... so why is it that when all is said and done at the end of the week I sit home alone and watch movies with my cat... hoping beyond hope that someone will text me and want to connect with me..

I know that communication works both ways.. but how many times can I text someone first? Why am I always the one that is always the one who has to put it all out there, and do all the work in a relationship..

Grr.. I think I'm just overly lonely and feeling so pathetic.... I think it's time for a bike ride to clear my head...

If anyone wants a friend, you know where to find me.. lol

xoxo

Whose Perception Is True Reality?

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently....

I remember when I weighed 358lbs... I remember looking at girls who weighed somewhere in the 200's and wishing I was them.. thinking how I wanted to be thin like them...

Then I was a girl in her 200's... looking at a girl in the high 100's and still wanted to be thin like them...

Now I'm a girl in the high 100's... and I look at girls in the 170's and I want to be thin like them...

When will I realize I've been every one of those thin sizes, and never been happy?

When I finally hit the 200's I wanted to be in the 100's.. when I hit the 100's .. I wanted to be in the 180's .. then the 170's... and yet I was never happy with the thin person I had begun..

Now I'm back in the 190's... and I feel so fat and ugly..... and yet I need to realize, to someone out there .. I am thin...

I think we have the same perception when it comes to beauty too. I don't think the majority of us really see the true beauty we possess.. I get told often enough that I'm beautiful.... but I see the things I want to change.. and truth be told with me.. my uglyness is all based on my weight.

I felt my most beautiful when I went to Egypt, and the winter that followed that. I was weighing in at 172lbs. I felt like I was the Bee's Knees.. I felt like the outside me finally matched the fun loving, vibrant girl that was trapped on the inside for so so long.....

Now I'm back around 195lbs.. and I feel trapped once again... I feel trapped by my perception... I have to remember that someone out there looks at me and wishes they were my size...

I met some new people recently through a mutual friend.... and that friend called me up yesterday afternoon to tell me how much her one friend loved me, saying I was a beautiful and funny girl who seemed like someone she could truly be friends with.... I was shocked.. I'm not good at hearing and accepting compliments, but that was one I truly wanted to be able to..

I'm really hoping that in time my perception will change, and I'll see myself for the beautiful woman other's see me as... I think only then, will I be able to start dating again and have a successful relationship, and possibly get ahead at work.

This lack of confidence causes so many other things to happen in one's life.. not just with men and work.. but quite often the way you feel about yourself.. the insecurities and poor self esteem shows on the outside.. and if you're anything like me, you wear your heart on your sleeve, and your emotions on your face.. I'm nothing but an open book...

I'm going to try to start with the positive personal affirmation of myself, and I'm going to try to begin and end the day by saying one good thing that I like about myself.. it sounds Oh So Corny, I know.. but I think it may be something that will help me start to think about myself the way others do...

So today I will leave you with my PPA...

I love the way I laugh..

until next time

xoxo

Thank You Decision Makers!

So I wanted someone else to make the decision for me... and that happened!

Who knew it could be that simple?

My co-worker and his wife helped me out, and signed me up for the program.. so now all I have to do is wait, wait for the product to show up.. and I honestly cannot wait.. I want to see how I behave on the program, how it works for me.. and how my body will change..

I took all of my measurements today... YIKES! Who knew I was basically a box... I pray I see real results with inches lost... I also weighed myself.. and I'm retaining loads of water, because although I realize I haven't behaved myself 100% this week (I'm on holidays..) I know I haven't eaten enough food to cause me to gain 9 pounds! (yes 9 effing pounds!)...

So tomorrow, even though the product won't be here, things are going to change... I'm going to start working out again.. oh my... and eating well... I see a lot of salads and protein in my future.. mmm mmm good!..

I was so nervous about how my girlfriend would react when she learned that I was working with my co-worker and his wife.. originally I told them I wanted to work with her... but financially I wasn't going to be able to do either for a week or so... but I was granted a gift... anyway.. so here I was worried that our friendship would truly suffer.. but she is such a terrific girl... she was so understanding.. and wonderful..

I AM SO BLESSED to have an amazing friend like her in my life.. I feel so so so blessed.. I love her!

Okay well... I think I better head off to bed.. as it's almost 1 am in dear old Canada.. and I want to be up around 7am to go for a run.. I am so excited about the changes that will be coming in my life!

I hope everyone out there in blog land is doing well..

better blogs to follow... this I promise you!

xoxo

Totally Sold!

Okay so I went to an information seminar yesterday about that "product" that will help boost weight loss, and I am 100% sold on it.

However, now I am completely torn.

First off, I went to my co-workers information session, not my girlfriend's. Why? I wanted to be sure I went to one where my heart wasn't involved. If I went to my girlfriend's party, I knew I would feel obligated to sign up. Going to Pat's wife's party, well I thought I'd be removed from emotion.. however she was so excited to have me there, telling me how her husband speaks so highly of me (awwww) and that she knew I'd be so successful using this "product".... the motivation and support will be there... but now.. I'm torn......

Who do I sign up with? Either way, someone is making money off me.... but if I go with Pat's wife, I have a support system constantly at work.. and there are more people from my work that I met last night that would support and motivate me...

Or...

Do I go with my girlfriend. Help her earn a little more money.. but not have the constant support.. Not that she wouldn't support me.. but I don't see her on a daily basis. Her group isn't work based, and her parties would not be conducive with my work schedule.....

Someone is going to get hurt regardless of whom I decide to go with...

I hate the hard decisions.... hate them!

I know I'm going to be successful with this product.. and I know I can get other people on board with it... I'm so excited to start using it... but who who who do I go with????

Anyone want to make this decision for me?

For now, I'm going to take my measurements, and weigh myself.. and see how it goes....

bye for now..

xoxo

What's your number?

Why is it that we are all so focused on our numbers? I'm _ _ _ lbs... I'm 30 years old... I have _ _ _ facebook friends.. get me at 519 - 555 -_ _ _ _ .. my Black berry pin is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ...

Seriously.. when did we go from saying, I'm Me.. and I'm fabulous... to saying I'm a 3 figure weight, a 10 digit phone number and so on...

I know I'm heavy.. I'm not denying that... and tomorrow I'm going to do my best to step on my Wii fit scale and NOT look at the number... and in one week I'll get back on that scale and I'll see how I've done... I need to lose weight.. but I'm not going to let that number define me anymore.

When I went to Egypt I weighed in at a healthy 173 lbs.... and I was soooooo happy. I felt sooooo sexy... but I was so focused on the number that I never let myself enjoy the thin me... now at about 20 pounds heavier, all I can do is focus on the fat.. I remember when I sat down and my stomach didn't bulge out, touching my arms... when my legs weren't rubbing together when I walked... when I didn't feel like my pants were suffocating me... when my chin was a single member..

Although some people tell me that they don't notice I've gained weight, except for my boobs getting bigger (my male friends have made that observation...), I can feel it.. I feel self conscious again, and like I'm a big old blob... (okay okay.. I'm not that old..)

I wake up with all the motivation in the world.. I'll go for a run, or a bike ride, or to the gym today... then a couple hours set in and all I want to do is nap. I used to have an insane drive, a wonderful sense of self worth that made me walk my fat ass into the gym and do my squats, crunches and 60 minutes on various cardio machines.. and now.. well if I walk to and from the fridge, well that's an accomplishment...

Even as I write this I'm thinking of 173.. and possibly 5 more pounds after that to get me into the 160's... oh wouldn't that be marvelous.. but again... that's me focusing on numbers.. I have to get into my head that I want to be healthy... but that isn't it.. I want to be sexy. I want men to look at me and want to get to know me better...

One day I'd love to be a wife and a mother.. for now it's me and my kitty... and my food... hmmm.. I really need to get my priorities in order..

I'm going to do my best to stop focusing on the number and instead focus on the goal me.. thin.. happy.. healthy.... ahhhhh.. maybe, just maybe I'll succeed in this way of thinking..

Tonight is the meeting about that "program" I've talked about previously... I'll see how it is.. and I'll report back if it's working for me..

Until next time.. stop focusing on your number, and instead focus on the goal you!

x0x0

Have a new attitude.. until the licorice comes out..

Found a new weakness.. thought that it was only Chocolate.. but now I have discovered the newer sour twizzlers... and I enjoy them WAY TOO MUCH!

I was doing so well yesterday. I was buying some salsa, because I was thinking of making a baked potato or something for dinner.. and then I turn around and the candy selection was behind me..

well I can buy a bag or two and have a piece every now and then right? I won't eat them all right? I can actually express some kind of will power here right?

WRONG!

I'm lost .. I can't believe that I've eaten BOTH bags in the last 24 hours!

I really need to reign in this hazardous behaviour. I think after my visit tomorrow night, when I learn more about that "product" I spoke of in my last post, I'll be able to really focus on myself.. and on my health.. and on making myself look fierce!

I remember when I went to Egypt.. I felt on top of the world.. the belle of the ball.. so so so beautiful and thin.. I need to remember the way I felt next time I go to grab some goodies... and realize they are really baddies!

Time to start my sunday.. off to buy a wedding gift for someone who is beautiful and has found a man to love her... *le sigh*..

until next time

xoxo

New Direction??

In January (I believe...) a co-worker of mine approached me about trying a new product that his wife had signed up for. It promises great results, whether you want to lose weight, tone, or simply gain energy...

I'm always very wary of these "products" that promise these results by simply taking a pill, or substituting a meal with a shake.. but I looked at the info to humour him.

I was impressed by the testimonials, and the information, but the price of the package I was looking at ($250/month) was just far too much money for me.. Sadly I told him that although I was interested in learning more, at this time it wasn't for me..

Fast forward to July 2011,... One of my best girlfriends started using this exact same product and told me more about it.. still unsure due to the price, I looked it to it yet again.. that very same day, my co-worker said "I think you should rethink using this product..." and was shocked that I had another friend telling me about it..

Now here I am.. in a true dilema.. who do I go with. I know now that I want to use this product, as I am not enjoying the Weight Watchers environment anymore (it's turned into a self help group for the 40 somethings... blarg!!!), but I do know this product works well with the Weight Watchers program...

But who?

My girlfriend who approached me just recently? Someone who I can tell anything to and she never judges me.. always there for a shoulder to cry on, or to laugh with...

Or my co-worker, who I consider a good friend, who I go to with my problems, who I can trust with anything...

I think no matter who I chose to go with I'm going to hurt someone's feelings... grrr...

On top of this dilema, my best friend and I are having a bad time. I messed up and she's now really hurt and upset with me... If only life was as easy as a sitcom.. you have a problem.. but in 22 minutes everything is fixed and we can all laugh about it...

Maybe this just isn't my month.. in the past month I've been rear ended, then I rear ended someone (wtf?), then I got passed up for a promotion, and now my bestfriend and I are not on speaking terms... and to top it all off.. I'm horribly single!!! lol... deep breaths.. and I'll get through it!

Oh well.. I'm going to try to get myself back into BLOG LAND.... I used to love blogging. It was a perfect outlet for when the days got rough, and the food looked tempting...

I weighed myself on Saturday and I came in at a whopping 197.7... oh my freaking goodness!! How have I gained almost 30 pounds back?? I have been focused all week, given up alcohol and worked out 3 times... I'm praying I see results tomorrow when I hop back onto my Wii fit and see what it says...

Okay this was a boring blog.. I apologize.. it will get better! The humour will return, and the light hearted girl you all knew before will be back.... I just have to get back to being me...

I'm praying this new direction will get me there...

until next time..

x0x0