struggling to find my way...

Yikes, I had a brutal week last week.. I had a FULL WEEK of visitors who insisted on bringing food or taking me out to eat... which is great, except they wanted stuff I wasn't prepared for, chinese, thai, ribs, wings, breakfast, sandwiches, OMG..... I ended up under-eating most days, and not drinking enough water... 

Needless to say I gained.. my body was in total shock.. and now I'm struggling to get back on track... 

Unfortunately the women who weigh us in at our WW centre feel the need to constantly comment on our progress, and this past weekend the women looked at me and said "guess you need to buckle down".... okay I was infuriated... I just told her the added comments aren't needed (she told me once I had to "focus"... grrr.. that was after gaining 0.8 one week.....)... I knew I had gained, I told her that even before I stepped on the scale, so seeing a gain wasn't surprising... seeing how much I gained 3.6 pounds *WTF??* was a shock, and I definitely didn't need the added commentary... 

last week I was on holidays, and was building my deck with my dad and uncle... it looks amazing, however on Monday my uncle and I were holding a HUGE MOTHER TRUCKER piece of wood and he let go of his end and it ended up falling and nailing me in the knee.. since then I haven't been able to work out.. it hurts to even walk, so I know that has a big part in the weight gain....

So tomorrow will be my first day back at the gym, I hope I can push myself and get my body back into the weight loss game.. 

tonight I felt totally lost, and ended up getting wendy's on the way home from work... I have no idea what the points are, nor do I want to, I just need to get my head back into this game.. 

I believe I'm still totally on track to lose 50 by October 16, 2009.... I just need to get back into this all.... Yikes~

Wish me luck.. 

hope I can lose what I gained... 

xoxo

Happy Saturday~!

Hello folks!

Just a QUICK blog today.. my parents are expected to arrive, oh... 9 minutes ago! lol.. so I'm going to try to get this entered before they show up.. (they're notoriously late, so I think I have another 15 minutes or so......)

Anyway so I almost.. ALMOST... hit my 20% goal of 44.4 pounds lost today.. I hit 44.2~~!!! lol.. so funny, so damn close.. but I still have a week, so I just need to stay truly focused this week!

I lost 1.8 this week, and I'm pretty darn happy with that.. it was the number I had in my head for a realistic number after last weeks amazing 3.6.  As long as I'm losing, I can't be too concerned about how much.. losing is losing.. but I know when I have my next loss of 0.8 or 0.2 I'll be all mad about it again! lol.. oh how perception can be altered! lol

I'm a little concerned for this week, I'm on holidays, and I'm worried I'm going to under-eat again like I did last time I was on vacation.... I'm going to try to stick to a strict meal plan, like I would at work... eating snacks during when break time would be at work... I can do this!

I'm building my deck this week, yes I am going to do the grunt work.. I'm a very handy girl! lol.. 

So at least I'm not going to be sitting on my ass all week, drinking beer and relaxing.. I'll be physically active, and outside! I need to make a plan so I don't fail and gain weight this week! 

I hope everyone had a great weigh in this week. Enjoy the summer weather, and the summer strawberries! :)

xoxo

WOO HOO!!! My weight to lose is finally less than my weight lost! I am so glad that I've gone from one side to the other! I still don't feel like 145 is achievable, it seem sssssssoooooooo far away!

I'm all about the little picture, so it's always the next 5 pounds, I hit 40, so my next goal is to hit 45, then 50, and so on.. 

I  am doing my best to not get scared again, and cause myself to have a set back... I will not get freaked out and binge, instead I'm going to delight in the way I look and feel, and not think about the final destination, but enjoy the journey along the way!

Thank goodness I'm so freaking competitive, I'm in competition with myself... that's my favourite kinda competition! LOL

Hope you all have a divine day!

xoxo

Over Achieving....

Well what a fabulous couple of days I've had. Unfortunately I had to work on Canada day, apparently when you work for a Japanese company that deals mainly with American suppliers you don't get Canada day, instead I got Friday July 3rd off in honour of Independence day.  

So here I was all worried about what I was going to do, having the day off before a weigh in.. YIKES! I decided to plan my day out, knowing I was getting together with a friend that night for some wine, I planned out everything I did and ate. I went to the Royal Ontario Museum with a girlfriend (that's the ROM to all you Canucks out there!) and we walked probably 7km's in there! It was madness, and sooo enjoyable, How I love to culture myself! Reminds me of living in England.. We ate salads we brought from home in her car, I had my snacks, and turned down a Starbucks Latte (OMG how hard!) and a Booster Juice Smoothie, knowing both would put me over my points and not allow me to have my much adored wine at the end of the evening!  Do you know how hard it is to celebrate Canada Day/Independence day, without a sausage on a bun and potato salad?? Yikes.. or even a couple beers! LOL... Thank goodness I refrained though~!!

I went to Weight Watchers yesterday full of hope. All I wanted to do was lose 1.2 to take me to the 40 pound mark.. so I stepped on the scale hoping to see at least that 1.2, and was BLOWN AWAY when instead I saw that I had lost 3.6 pounds! What an amazing accomplishment!

I love it! I worked quite hard for it last week, and it's definitely showing up on the scale! My total weight loss now is 42.4  pounds.. I feel like a FREAKING ROCKSTAR!!  Lol..  So my goal of losing 20% by the end of my vacation next week (July 11-18) seems attainable! I can hit 44.4 by then! 2 more weigh ins, 2 more pounds! Heck I may even hit 50 pounds before my new goal of October 2009, instead of October 2010! So I am now making 60 pounds my new October 16, 2009 goal (my birthday!).... I think I can so do this! Thank goodness for so much support and love from my friends!

I had another "A-Ha" moment last night. I had gone out with a girlfriend.. we had decided to go to a patio and have some drinks, but the patios were DEAD so we decided to go up to a club in Waterloo.. we weren't dressed all whorey, our breasts were fully contained, and our shoes weren't CFM boots (if you don't know what that means, well God bless you! LOL), I was in birkenstocks (they're comfy!), a short skirt, and a black zippy sweater, which is sexy, but not club worthy! Anyway she said "Let's see who can get a guy to buy them a drink first".. Hahaha I almost killed myself laughing, I've never had a guy buy me a drink.. in fact I cannot talk to guys in clubs.. so I told her so and then told her to have fun drinking for free (she's stunning, guys love her!)... so we were dancing, and all of a sudden I had guys hitting on me... On me!!! So my inner monologue started going crazy......

Short little fat me... 

it makes no sense.. 

wait a minute....... 

maybe they don't see me as fat anymore.. 

maybe I'm now a bit of a hottie.. 

I was FLOORED! I came out of it with all my drinks paid for (4... 12 points worth! yikes!), and 3 phone numbers.. I left with my girlfriend, but we hung out with some guys after, and he's been messaging me all day.. now there is no future there.. he's from Pennsylvania (just my luck!), and was only visiting, but still! He was one of the hottest guys in the club, who other girls seriously said to me "good luck" and I simply said back "I don't need luck!" LOL.. who am I?? 

I'm not the girl who gets her drinks bought for her!

I'm not the girl who gets numbers... 

I'm not the girl who picks up.. 

or am I? 

xoxo

Oysters and Life..

Hello there fellow bloggers!!!!

Today I realized that I have a great life... sure I'm not thin, I'm not rich, I don't have a man, and I don't see kids anywhere in the near future... But I do have  a great life.. 

Shall I explain? 

I go through phases of feeling lonely, feeling like I'm lost in the big crowd in the city where I live. I'm a small town girl, living 2.5 hours away from my family... 2.5 hours away from life that I know.  

But now, I've got an amazing group of friends here. Not only the ones I made in my work fish bowl (as in we're only friends because we were stuck in the fish bowl and they were the ones that offended me the least...) but also friends that I've made in my Weight Watchers fishbowl.. those girls I love so much.. I didn't need to become friends with any of them, it's not like at work where you have to be friendly.. otherwise life gets very hectic and stressful .. but the girls at WW, the select few that I deem "worthy" of my friendship.. they are great! Funny, real women.. 

I'm at a strange age, basically everyone I know is married with kids... which is cool for them, but since I'm so horribly single, it sometimes gets hard. I envy their "happy" marriages, and beautiful families.... and yet they tell me how much they envy my life.. not having to answer to anyone, making plans on the fly, staying out as late as I  want and spending my money on myself... 

As of Friday morning I had NO plans for the weekend at all, by friday at noon I had plans for dinner and a movie that night, Driving to the Toronto Zoo to meet a friend Saturday around Noon, then we went for Supper that night.. yesterday was Lunch with some WW girls, and then a movie with a girlfriend yesterday afternoon, and then hot tubbing and wine drinking with some girlfriends last night.. can a married gal, or mother do all that spur of the moment?? 

I am looking forward to where life is taking me. The world is truly my Oyster.. now it's time to devour it! :)

It's been raining all day, and now just when I have to start getting ready for work it gets nice out! Yikes! Isn't that just the way life goes? 

Have a fantastic evening people!

xoxo

I'm Still Alive!!!!

First of all I want to apologize for my 2 week disappearance!  I was uber consumed with work this past week, and was on holidays for the majority of the week before. 

So the pictures to the right... the first was taken December 26, 2008 with a dear girlfriend... I can't believe how big I am.. the other was taken a week ago..  I can't believe how much healthier I look, my skin is glowing, my whole self is happier...  I am sooooo glad I've been able to accomplish this! I think I look hot, if I do say so myself! LOL

So I had an "Aha" moment this past week..  I have to pay attention to the "BIG PICTURE" and stop focussing on this weight watchers weight loss only..  

When I was 21 I weighed in at well over 300 pounds, and now look at me.. I'm in the 180's! What a HUGE accomplishment! 

Last week at Weight Watchers I gained 0.8, I was on vacation and was so afraid I was going to overeat, that I actually under-ate, and then I didn't drink a lot (if any) of water, that filled with a night of sushi, on thursday with my best girlfriend, I was just destined to gain weight.  So I left the meeting knowing that it would be an easy fix... 

This past week I was SURE I had GAINED.. although I never strayed from the Points Plan, and didn't go over my daily points (well one day, by 2) I just felt like I had gained.. all week I had been craving different foods, but never gave in.. I even had 2 glasses of wine this week! 

SO this morning at weigh in time I told myself I'd do better next week, got on the scale, and found that I had LOST 2.2lbs this week!!! 

I'm only 1.2 pounds away from hitting 40 pounds!! That's sooo awesome, I'm so happy and proud of me!  I feel so blessed to go to such a wonderful meeting, with wonderful girls who have now become close friends, and an amazing leader!

I've been going since January 3rd of this year, and haven't missed a meeting yet, and I truly do believe it's the secret to my success, I've found that I have a fantastic support system... a foundation for my personal "renovation".. 

Anyway kids, I know this blog wasn't funny or all that entertaining.. 

I mainly wanted you to know I am still alive and feel horrible for not coming back to the blog world for 2 weeks! I will make it up to you I promise!! :)

Hope you all have successful days, 

xoxo

Feeling Great, Looking Better! ;*)

I have to issue a warning.. the following blog is extremely vain.. so if you don't want to read about how wonderful I feel and look, well you need to skip on to the next blog you follow!

I lost another 2.2 pounds this week. Taking me to a WHOPPING 37.4 pounds lost, I'm almost at my halfway mark.. (Still not sure if I'm going to make 140 or 145 my ultimate goal.. will decide when I get to 155.... notice how I said "when" and not  "if".. ahh self confidence, what a beautiful thing!)... I want to hit the 20% goal by July 13th, so that's another 7 pounds to get to 44 pounds lost.. yikes.. I can't wait!!!

So yesterday I decided I needed to buy a fun summer cotton dress.. now black isn't really the colour I was thinking of, but I fell in love with the way this dress looked on me.. It's a cotton dress that comes to my ankles.. with a cute pair of flip flops.. ahh.. and maybe some fun silver jewelry.. I'm gonna be a freaking knock out! ($34.50 Canadian at Old Navy)..    I felt so good trying on that dress, it's a LG.. Oh my!! I love being a large, I really do, I've never been a large before!!!!  I also realized I needed new Gitch (some call them panties, some call them undies, I call them gitch... ).. so I went to my favourite store for them... "Aerie" .. ahh.. I cannot wait to wear some that fit! Haha.. probably TMI right? Oh well.. at least I didn't tell you how I have to get all new bras now too, because the girls are getting smaller..        :o(

I feel like I've got my MoJo back, I feel like I can start to motivate and support others again!

Funny enough I didn't get to the gym as much this past week, or the week before.. I think I really was pushing myself too hard! So.. I'm still going to do 4 days this week, but 2 intense and 2 light.. 

I have holidays this week, and have them totally jam packed.. ahhh.. I love holidays! Monday and Tuesday I have to work, but how great it's going to be to wake up on Wednesday and know I've got a full 5 days to myself! :)

Well I need to take my skinnier ass to bed, I hope you all have successful weeks.. 

Can't wait to weigh in again! LOL.. only 2.6 pounds away from hitting the 40 pound mark.. Wowzers!!!  I'm on top of the world again kids!

Have a fabulous and skinny week! :)

xoxo