Playing the "What If" game.....

So here I sit, thinking about my Dad.. wondering WHAT life would be like IF he were still alive. Would I be different? Would I have struggled so much with my weight? Would I have finished University? Would I be married with kids?

My weight problems began shortly after my Dad passed away. I was always the kid that wanted candy and sweets when I was growing up, but once my Dad passed it was where I found my comfort. Kids were cruel, but food wasn't. It was always there to make me feel better.. it was my friend. It didn't disappoint, it didn't judge.. it just provided the warmth...

Today I'm feeling it, I'm not crying, but I would love to buy a big bag of Mini Eggs *mmm chocolate* and sit at home eating.. but I won't. I went for a sensible lunch (pita pit!) and have just made a yummy chicken stir fry for my dinner at work tonight..

I don't know what's making the difference right now, or how I have the motivation to push past my cravings, but I'm doing it...

I'd like to think that if my Dad were still alive he'd be proud of me. I think he'd look at what I've accomplished, where I've been, who I've become and smile.. knowing that I grew up right...

Now if only I could look at myself the same way...

One step at a time.. this journey continues...

xoxo

Quick Check In...

Okay folks.. here is a quick post by this girl...

Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of my Dad's death. It's a horrible day for me, and I usually end up being utterly depressed and eating everything in sight...

I've been back on track with Weight Watchers all week and have lost 5.1 lbs so far this week.... so I'm praying that will help me push through the pain and sadness tomorrow and stay on track...

I see that I'm 16 pounds away from where I was at my lightest... I was so happy then. I felt like I could conquer anything. That I was on top of the world. I was sexy, I was happy, I was strong, I was an animal! Now I feel fluffy, fat, powerless, sad... so I think we can all see where this is going... I need to lose this weight again, tone up, make myself the powerful happy woman I was... I think that ultimately it impacts my whole life.. work, love, friends, etc.... I wanna fall in love, so I need to be the person someone can fall in love with..

Anyway.. I promised this would be quick.. so here it is... tomorrow will be a hard day, but I'm going to do EVERYTHING IN MY CONTROL TO KEEP CONTROL!

Think good thoughts for me on the 17th.

that's it for me for now...

xoxo