Just A Bit About Me....

My photo
Kitchener, ON, Canada
Well I'm the typical fat girl that everyone has as a friend. I'm funny, Sexy, Smart, and never a threat. I am on a journey to lose weight ( a lot of it!) and become the best Mummy to my son that I can be!... I'm sure there will be several times I stumble and fall, but follow me as I pick myself up, and continue along my way!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Forget Greece, say Hello to Egypt!






So from the header of this blog entry I'm sure you can guess my newest news.. I'm no longer going to Greece... Spur of the moment I changed my mind to an adventure/explorer trip of Egypt!!

8 busy days of exploration in Egypt, going through pyramids, tombs, valley of the kings... it's going to be AMAZING!!! I'm going to FREAKING AFRICA folks!!! Yowza~!!!

Now although I was all gung ho a couple weeks ago about losing weight again, I had a terrible week of gaining 1.6, then losing only 0.2,.... but finally this week it all came together.. I lost 4 FREAKING POUNDS!!!

It seems like everything in my life is coming together.. 
I started seeing a new guy, we'll call him Zoo boy (he took me to the Toronto Zoo our first date.. sweet isn't it?)... he's sweet, fun, kind, and makes me laugh.. only one problem.. I'm not attracted to him.. He's a good looking guy, but he just doesn't do that thing to me.. you know, where you get the butterflies.... *sigh*... 

But never fear.. I've still been seeing my Cowboy, however after 8 months there was still no kissy kissy... *sigh* that sucks !!!>>>> Until last week.....

I got slightly trashed, invited him over, and then confronted him like mad... so I think he's finally hooked into me.. I hope he is.. oh my!
I'm so confident in every other aspect of my life except men and weight.. ..... why on earth can't I read him properly??  Soo frustrating.. 

I was sooo embarrassed the next day, about how drunk I had allowed myself to get, but he came over on Tuesday and we had coffee, and we were good.. we talked about it a bit, and he said not to worry I wasn't that bad.. *sigh*.. I still feel like a total ass!!! Oh well... I shall see how it goes!... 

Anyway my lovey's .. I'm going to head back to season 2 of Gossip Girl (sooo excited haven't seen any yet.. and they are my guilty pleasure.. don't judge me!)... and my wine.. 
I'll not be gone for as long again.. My apologies kids.. 

xoxo

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Planning, Dreaming, Hoping...

Hello gang... 

It's been almost a month since my week of holidays, and I'm ALMOST at my pre-vacation weight.. yikes!

I can't believe how un-motivated I've been this month, but I'm still going down, so clearly I'm doing something right.. 

However I have New motivation.... I'm currently planning a trip...  I have decided that until I have kids and get married, I'm going to take care of myself, and go on trips to the exotic places that I've dreamed about.. so last year I did my dream vacation of New York City.. this year.. it's going to be Greece!

I've been planning it for the last year, but put the plans on the back burner because things slowed down at work.. however now I've decided to say "F*&K it, I'm going!"... 

I was planning on going on my own, on a tour.. however.. no tours are available for the week I have holidays... and it's also very hard to get a trip to Greece into a 1 week vacation... but I'm going to do it.. and I may even take my Mum along, she's 63 , how much longer will she be able to do all the walking required on a trip to Greece? Plus she's never been.... and she suggested I take her along.. lol!

I am sooooooo damn excited about Greece! And so I am on a mission.. 2 months until I leave.. and I want to hit the 55 pound mark... 11 pounds in 2 months.. yikes.. I can so do it.. and if I'm my ever popular over achiever self.. maybe I'll have lost more by then!

I bought some new clothes for the trip, a couple skirts, sexy shirts, and am planning on buying a dress or two.. all either tight on me or a little small.. MOTIVATION BABY!

Can you tell how excited I am??? 

God help me if my mother and I argue on the trip.. that's just a Greek Tragedy waiting to happen! LOL.... boy the Greeks know how to treat their family! LOL


Anyway because I always do better when I blog, I think you will be seeing more of me this week than you've seen in some time!

Take care, and until next time.. 
happy eating! :)

xoxo

Monday, July 20, 2009

struggling to find my way...

Yikes, I had a brutal week last week.. I had a FULL WEEK of visitors who insisted on bringing food or taking me out to eat... which is great, except they wanted stuff I wasn't prepared for, chinese, thai, ribs, wings, breakfast, sandwiches, OMG..... I ended up under-eating most days, and not drinking enough water... 

Needless to say I gained.. my body was in total shock.. and now I'm struggling to get back on track... 

Unfortunately the women who weigh us in at our WW centre feel the need to constantly comment on our progress, and this past weekend the women looked at me and said "guess you need to buckle down".... okay I was infuriated... I just told her the added comments aren't needed (she told me once I had to "focus"... grrr.. that was after gaining 0.8 one week.....)... I knew I had gained, I told her that even before I stepped on the scale, so seeing a gain wasn't surprising... seeing how much I gained 3.6 pounds *WTF??* was a shock, and I definitely didn't need the added commentary... 

last week I was on holidays, and was building my deck with my dad and uncle... it looks amazing, however on Monday my uncle and I were holding a HUGE MOTHER TRUCKER piece of wood and he let go of his end and it ended up falling and nailing me in the knee.. since then I haven't been able to work out.. it hurts to even walk, so I know that has a big part in the weight gain....
So tomorrow will be my first day back at the gym, I hope I can push myself and get my body back into the weight loss game.. 

tonight I felt totally lost, and ended up getting wendy's on the way home from work... I have no idea what the points are, nor do I want to, I just need to get my head back into this game.. 

I believe I'm still totally on track to lose 50 by October 16, 2009.... I just need to get back into this all.... Yikes~

Wish me luck.. 
hope I can lose what I gained... 

xoxo

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Happy Saturday~!

Hello folks!

Just a QUICK blog today.. my parents are expected to arrive, oh... 9 minutes ago! lol.. so I'm going to try to get this entered before they show up.. (they're notoriously late, so I think I have another 15 minutes or so......)

Anyway so I almost.. ALMOST... hit my 20% goal of 44.4 pounds lost today.. I hit 44.2~~!!! lol.. so funny, so damn close.. but I still have a week, so I just need to stay truly focused this week!

I lost 1.8 this week, and I'm pretty darn happy with that.. it was the number I had in my head for a realistic number after last weeks amazing 3.6.  As long as I'm losing, I can't be too concerned about how much.. losing is losing.. but I know when I have my next loss of 0.8 or 0.2 I'll be all mad about it again! lol.. oh how perception can be altered! lol

I'm a little concerned for this week, I'm on holidays, and I'm worried I'm going to under-eat again like I did last time I was on vacation.... I'm going to try to stick to a strict meal plan, like I would at work... eating snacks during when break time would be at work... I can do this!

I'm building my deck this week, yes I am going to do the grunt work.. I'm a very handy girl! lol.. 
So at least I'm not going to be sitting on my ass all week, drinking beer and relaxing.. I'll be physically active, and outside! I need to make a plan so I don't fail and gain weight this week! 

I hope everyone had a great weigh in this week. Enjoy the summer weather, and the summer strawberries! :)

xoxo

Tuesday, July 7, 2009






WOO HOO!!! My weight to lose is finally less than my weight lost! I am so glad that I've gone from one side to the other! I still don't feel like 145 is achievable, it seem sssssssoooooooo far away!

I'm all about the little picture, so it's always the next 5 pounds, I hit 40, so my next goal is to hit 45, then 50, and so on.. 

I  am doing my best to not get scared again, and cause myself to have a set back... I will not get freaked out and binge, instead I'm going to delight in the way I look and feel, and not think about the final destination, but enjoy the journey along the way!

Thank goodness I'm so freaking competitive, I'm in competition with myself... that's my favourite kinda competition! LOL

Hope you all have a divine day!

xoxo


Sunday, July 5, 2009

Over Achieving....


Well what a fabulous couple of days I've had. Unfortunately I had to work on Canada day, apparently when you work for a Japanese company that deals mainly with American suppliers you don't get Canada day, instead I got Friday July 3rd off in honour of Independence day.  
So here I was all worried about what I was going to do, having the day off before a weigh in.. YIKES! I decided to plan my day out, knowing I was getting together with a friend that night for some wine, I planned out everything I did and ate. I went to the Royal Ontario Museum with a girlfriend (that's the ROM to all you Canucks out there!) and we walked probably 7km's in there! It was madness, and sooo enjoyable, How I love to culture myself! Reminds me of living in England.. We ate salads we brought from home in her car, I had my snacks, and turned down a Starbucks Latte (OMG how hard!) and a Booster Juice Smoothie, knowing both would put me over my points and not allow me to have my much adored wine at the end of the evening!  Do you know how hard it is to celebrate Canada Day/Independence day, without a sausage on a bun and potato salad?? Yikes.. or even a couple beers! LOL... Thank goodness I refrained though~!!

I went to Weight Watchers yesterday full of hope. All I wanted to do was lose 1.2 to take me to the 40 pound mark.. so I stepped on the scale hoping to see at least that 1.2, and was BLOWN AWAY when instead I saw that I had lost 3.6 pounds! What an amazing accomplishment!
I love it! I worked quite hard for it last week, and it's definitely showing up on the scale! My total weight loss now is 42.4  pounds.. I feel like a FREAKING ROCKSTAR!!  Lol..  So my goal of losing 20% by the end of my vacation next week (July 11-18) seems attainable! I can hit 44.4 by then! 2 more weigh ins, 2 more pounds! Heck I may even hit 50 pounds before my new goal of October 2009, instead of October 2010! So I am now making 60 pounds my new October 16, 2009 goal (my birthday!).... I think I can so do this! Thank goodness for so much support and love from my friends!

I had another "A-Ha" moment last night. I had gone out with a girlfriend.. we had decided to go to a patio and have some drinks, but the patios were DEAD so we decided to go up to a club in Waterloo.. we weren't dressed all whorey, our breasts were fully contained, and our shoes weren't CFM boots (if you don't know what that means, well God bless you! LOL), I was in birkenstocks (they're comfy!), a short skirt, and a black zippy sweater, which is sexy, but not club worthy! Anyway she said "Let's see who can get a guy to buy them a drink first".. Hahaha I almost killed myself laughing, I've never had a guy buy me a drink.. in fact I cannot talk to guys in clubs.. so I told her so and then told her to have fun drinking for free (she's stunning, guys love her!)... so we were dancing, and all of a sudden I had guys hitting on me... On me!!! So my inner monologue started going crazy......
Short little fat me... 
it makes no sense.. 
wait a minute....... 
maybe they don't see me as fat anymore.. 
maybe I'm now a bit of a hottie.. 
I was FLOORED! I came out of it with all my drinks paid for (4... 12 points worth! yikes!), and 3 phone numbers.. I left with my girlfriend, but we hung out with some guys after, and he's been messaging me all day.. now there is no future there.. he's from Pennsylvania (just my luck!), and was only visiting, but still! He was one of the hottest guys in the club, who other girls seriously said to me "good luck" and I simply said back "I don't need luck!" LOL.. who am I?? 
I'm not the girl who gets her drinks bought for her!
I'm not the girl who gets numbers... 
I'm not the girl who picks up.. 
or am I? 

xoxo

Monday, June 29, 2009

Oysters and Life..



Hello there fellow bloggers!!!!

Today I realized that I have a great life... sure I'm not thin, I'm not rich, I don't have a man, and I don't see kids anywhere in the near future... But I do have  a great life.. 

Shall I explain? 

I go through phases of feeling lonely, feeling like I'm lost in the big crowd in the city where I live. I'm a small town girl, living 2.5 hours away from my family... 2.5 hours away from life that I know.  
But now, I've got an amazing group of friends here. Not only the ones I made in my work fish bowl (as in we're only friends because we were stuck in the fish bowl and they were the ones that offended me the least...) but also friends that I've made in my Weight Watchers fishbowl.. those girls I love so much.. I didn't need to become friends with any of them, it's not like at work where you have to be friendly.. otherwise life gets very hectic and stressful .. but the girls at WW, the select few that I deem "worthy" of my friendship.. they are great! Funny, real women.. 

I'm at a strange age, basically everyone I know is married with kids... which is cool for them, but since I'm so horribly single, it sometimes gets hard. I envy their "happy" marriages, and beautiful families.... and yet they tell me how much they envy my life.. not having to answer to anyone, making plans on the fly, staying out as late as I  want and spending my money on myself... 

As of Friday morning I had NO plans for the weekend at all, by friday at noon I had plans for dinner and a movie that night, Driving to the Toronto Zoo to meet a friend Saturday around Noon, then we went for Supper that night.. yesterday was Lunch with some WW girls, and then a movie with a girlfriend yesterday afternoon, and then hot tubbing and wine drinking with some girlfriends last night.. can a married gal, or mother do all that spur of the moment?? 

I am looking forward to where life is taking me. The world is truly my Oyster.. now it's time to devour it! :)

It's been raining all day, and now just when I have to start getting ready for work it gets nice out! Yikes! Isn't that just the way life goes? 

Have a fantastic evening people!
xoxo

Saturday, June 27, 2009

I'm Still Alive!!!!



First of all I want to apologize for my 2 week disappearance!  I was uber consumed with work this past week, and was on holidays for the majority of the week before. 

So the pictures to the right... the first was taken December 26, 2008 with a dear girlfriend... I can't believe how big I am.. the other was taken a week ago..  I can't believe how much healthier I look, my skin is glowing, my whole self is happier...  I am sooooo glad I've been able to accomplish this! I think I look hot, if I do say so myself! LOL

So I had an "Aha" moment this past week..  I have to pay attention to the "BIG PICTURE" and stop focussing on this weight watchers weight loss only..  

When I was 21 I weighed in at well over 300 pounds, and now look at me.. I'm in the 180's! What a HUGE accomplishment! 

Last week at Weight Watchers I gained 0.8, I was on vacation and was so afraid I was going to overeat, that I actually under-ate, and then I didn't drink a lot (if any) of water, that filled with a night of sushi, on thursday with my best girlfriend, I was just destined to gain weight.  So I left the meeting knowing that it would be an easy fix... 

This past week I was SURE I had GAINED.. although I never strayed from the Points Plan, and didn't go over my daily points (well one day, by 2) I just felt like I had gained.. all week I had been craving different foods, but never gave in.. I even had 2 glasses of wine this week! 
SO this morning at weigh in time I told myself I'd do better next week, got on the scale, and found that I had LOST 2.2lbs this week!!! 

I'm only 1.2 pounds away from hitting 40 pounds!! That's sooo awesome, I'm so happy and proud of me!  I feel so blessed to go to such a wonderful meeting, with wonderful girls who have now become close friends, and an amazing leader!

I've been going since January 3rd of this year, and haven't missed a meeting yet, and I truly do believe it's the secret to my success, I've found that I have a fantastic support system... a foundation for my personal "renovation".. 

Anyway kids, I know this blog wasn't funny or all that entertaining.. 
I mainly wanted you to know I am still alive and feel horrible for not coming back to the blog world for 2 weeks! I will make it up to you I promise!! :)
Hope you all have successful days, 
xoxo







Sunday, June 14, 2009

Feeling Great, Looking Better! ;*)

I have to issue a warning.. the following blog is extremely vain.. so if you don't want to read about how wonderful I feel and look, well you need to skip on to the next blog you follow!

I lost another 2.2 pounds this week. Taking me to a WHOPPING 37.4 pounds lost, I'm almost at my halfway mark.. (Still not sure if I'm going to make 140 or 145 my ultimate goal.. will decide when I get to 155.... notice how I said "when" and not  "if".. ahh self confidence, what a beautiful thing!)... I want to hit the 20% goal by July 13th, so that's another 7 pounds to get to 44 pounds lost.. yikes.. I can't wait!!!

So yesterday I decided I needed to buy a fun summer cotton dress.. now black isn't really the colour I was thinking of, but I fell in love with the way this dress looked on me.. It's a cotton dress that comes to my ankles.. with a cute pair of flip flops.. ahh.. and maybe some fun silver jewelry.. I'm gonna be a freaking knock out! ($34.50 Canadian at Old Navy)..    I felt so good trying on that dress, it's a LG.. Oh my!! I love being a large, I really do, I've never been a large before!!!!  I also realized I needed new Gitch (some call them panties, some call them undies, I call them gitch... ).. so I went to my favourite store for them... "Aerie" .. ahh.. I cannot wait to wear some that fit! Haha.. probably TMI right? Oh well.. at least I didn't tell you how I have to get all new bras now too, because the girls are getting smaller..        :o(

I feel like I've got my MoJo back, I feel like I can start to motivate and support others again!

Funny enough I didn't get to the gym as much this past week, or the week before.. I think I really was pushing myself too hard! So.. I'm still going to do 4 days this week, but 2 intense and 2 light.. 

I have holidays this week, and have them totally jam packed.. ahhh.. I love holidays! Monday and Tuesday I have to work, but how great it's going to be to wake up on Wednesday and know I've got a full 5 days to myself! :)

Well I need to take my skinnier ass to bed, I hope you all have successful weeks.. 
Can't wait to weigh in again! LOL.. only 2.6 pounds away from hitting the 40 pound mark.. Wowzers!!!  I'm on top of the world again kids!

Have a fabulous and skinny week! :)
xoxo

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Can I get a Hell Yeah??


Who will be the first to congratulate this girl? 


BOOYAH!


I have pushed past this freaking plateau!!!!! I lost 2.0 this week, and am into the 180's.. can I get a HELL YEAH! Weighed in today at 189.0!!! 35.2 pounds lost.. I'm feeling pretty darn good! Love working towards each 5 pound increment!

I feel so damn proud of me!

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and support when I felt like a mixed bag of crap!

I am having a lot of stressful issues in life right now, but I am not going to turn to food and binge.. instead I am going to take it all in stride and work on making me better!

Sorry this is such a short blog, but I am about to leave for a date. .. yay me! LOL

hope you all are having a kick ass weekend!

Now onto the next 5 pound goal! 
Cheers!
xoxo

p.s all this working out is making me tired.. time for a nap! :)

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Oh Yeah! That's Right Baby!

Wow!

Talk about a complete 180... I'm feeling like I'm back on top of the world. I'm a shining ray of freaking sunlight baby!

Despite how frustrated I was feeling, I am so proud of myself, for not once did I stumble. I didn't cheat, I didn't binge, I didn't stop going to the gym, I didn't give anything but 100% at the gym.. 

However, something was lacking.. and despite thinking I was the nutritional guideline queen, I was lacking in some very important foods, and vitamins (what vitamin C? Who needs that? LOL).. 

So it's been a humbling experience... but I'm coming out ahead!

I'm just finishing up week 2 of the C25K program, and I gotta admit, I'm kicking ass! I am loving it! I did 5K with an extended warm up and cool down in 42.01mins! Pretty damn great for this girl! Who knew I could run comfortably at 6.3 mph?? Yay Me!! LOL

I have to tell you I had a MEGA uplifting moment when my Weight Watchers leader emailed me the day before we had coffee.. she told me that she sees me being a fantastic Weight Watchers Leader once I've hit my goal! Oh my goodness! 
Now to be honest, this isn't something I've ever really considered.. I love encouraging people, and helping them, but I don't know if I can dedicate that much of me to someone else.. 
However, to have her tell me that, well, not to sound like a total snob, but I think that speaks volumes into the kind of person I am. 
I also had a guy at work (who in all reality is one of my best friends now...) tell me last night that he can tell why some guys get crushes on me, and I quote "you're so pretty and it's always fun talking to you.. and when I have a problem, you really listen and help me figure things out... "..... Um.. AWWW

Maybe this is what I needed.. Maybe I needed to get to a point where I had to REACH OUT FOR HELP  and have my people stand behind me and encourage me for a change.. 
I feel like this is going to happen again.. I feel... well .. Freaking Awesome!

I'm not expecting to see a big number this week, why? Well it's Thursday, and this change started on Wednesday, but weigh in is on Saturday.. gotta be realistic here folks! I do know this though, I will see big numbers in the big picture.. 

I've set out my new goal.. to hit 20% by July 11 (My work has a "Shut-Down" week that week.. so it's a good time to set a goal for! A wonderful week of Vacay!).. so that's 44.8 pounds.. 6 weeks to lose another 12 pounds.. egads..  we'll see if I can do it.. if not, I'm okay with it, but it's something to work towards folks! You gotta have goals, even if they are slightly un-attainable! 
And... as I just figured out, that's gonna take me into the 170's.. oh my! Scary! .. okay I'm gonna worry about breaking into the 180's first.. then look towards that, but it is my next goal!

Okay kiddies.. this girl needs to take her butt to the shower.. think I'm gonna take a long bubble bath!

Hope you all have terrific Thursdays!
xoxo

Getting my mind back into the game..


This morning I went to Starbucks to have a coffee (well a peppermint tea...) with my Weight Watcher's leader.  
I am THRILLED I went! 
She is such an encouragement to me! She told me what she sees in me.... the effect I have on all the other people in my Saturday morning meeting.. how she sees me succeeding.. 
She also told me that I need to stop putting up with other people's bullcrap, and focus on ME!!!
So I'm going to do just that!
I changed up my eating a bit too.. adding some complex carbs (whole wheat couscous) and more veg and fruit. 
Funny enough, tonight after work all I wanted was McDonalds.. or Chocolate.. or chips.. or cookies.. I wanted Junk, but instead I kept thinking about everything Nancy said to me, and knew that I have to keep my eye on the prize! I have to do this for me.. 
 
I HAVE TO WANT THIS BAD ENOUGH!

I hope that this changes everything for me.. 
I can't stand this slump! This plateau! This kick in the nutts! 
Sorry for this short blog, 
I need to go to bed!
love you all!
xoxo

Monday, June 1, 2009

Are You Freaking Kidding Me???????

OMG!
WTF!


Sheesh! What do I do differently? I worked my butt off like mad last week. I worked out like a wild woman, ran 3 days of the week, did my weights, and came out of it 0.4 pounds lighter... 

Yes so I lost, I get that... but 0.4? I can't believe it! I've been trying to get into the 180's for a month... what am I doing wrong?  It's all gotta be the diet.. maybe I'm not eating enough points.. crap!

I never eat my activity points, I just have such a hard time eating the extra food! So today I added 2 extra points again to my daily points, and I changed up what I eat. Still very healthy, but more whole grains and veg... 

all I want right now is chocolate! CRAPPOLA! Lord help me get through this week and not over do anything!

My post is horribly boring, I'm sorry.. I just don't have it in me.. I have been so successful for so  long, and now here I am failing! Grr Freaking Arggg!

I'll post again when things are better in my mind! lol

Week 2 on the C25K challenge is on.. I did a fantastic job today and was able to do the 5k in 41.43... last week I did it in 45.26.. so I'm doing much better!

Hope other's are succeeding!
Take care!
xoxo

Monday, May 25, 2009

Running the Pounds Away!!!

Well, I'm not really a Couch Potato of sorts, but I'm doing the couch to 5K training program. I just started today.. 

It's not hard at all! Week one consists of 3 days of the same work out. 
Brisk walk for 5 minutes.. then alternate 60 seconds of jogging, with 90 seconds of running for a total of 20 minutes. 

I pushed myself past the 20 minutes, deciding to keep up this alternating until I hit 5km's. So I ended up jogging/walking for 45 minutes, 26 seconds.. felt freaking amazing!

If I can do this, anyone can. Go at your own pace, if you find that you can't run for 60 seconds, then start with 30 second intervals!

I never thought I'd be a runner, but I have always wanted to be one, and I'm hoping this program will help me achieve that small dream of mine!

I think I needed to switch up my workouts a bit too. I'm at a Mudder Trucker Plateau right now.. Grrrr Arggg.... and I need to get it to lift NOW! LOL

If anyone else wants to try this program go to .. www.c25k.com It's a great little program. Let me know what you think!

I have to go eat!
xoxo

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I need a cookie....

Well here I am... being the typical generations X'er (even though I think I'm like Genration Y.. I'm an 80's baby....) Sitting in the glorious sun, outside a starbucks, drinking a green tea (1/2 sugar) lemonade, and blogging.. 

I feel like the weight loss gods have gotten together, and drop kicked me... or at the very least, kicked me in the crotch!

I worked out 5 times this past week, sweating more than is acceptable for a prissy gal like myself.. I haven't cheated, I didn't eat  the pizza I was craving, or the chocolate, or the cake, or the starbucks cookies... 

Weigh in was yesterday... 

Not impressed... 

I F*&King GAINED 0.4 pounds this week.. 

Okay now before you can say "it's only 0.4 Kirsti" think about how you feel when you gain 0.4, or 0.6, or even 0.2... it's still a kick in the junk!!!

Now I do need to remind myself that in February I had a similar kinda month... I lost 1.0  pounds 2 weeks in a row, and then I gained that exact amount back for the following 2 weeks... 

so this may just be how my body works.... I'm not happy about it, but if I do everything I know how to do, if I eat exactly within my daily points, and get a proper amount of sleep.. I can't get mad at myself.. so instead I get angry with the weight loss gods...

grrr fucking arggg!

xoxo

Monday, May 18, 2009

Just a quickie....

Okay sorry about the pic.. but that one makes me laugh.. that's some safe sex there! haha

Anyway So I just wanted to blog quickly. I am still horribly sick, the camping wasn't so bad. I was in a heated RV, and dressed warmly and took my medicine. I do know that if I had stayed home in bed I would have gotten better by now.. yikes!

So the weigh in was on Saturday, and surprisingly I didn't gain, nor did I lose. I stayed the exact same. 

I'm slightly pissed though. I haven't really lost anything this month at all. I need to get back on the wagon and kick ass this week. However it's almost Monday evening and I haven't eaten well in days! I have been on sodium overload.... eating quick and easy meals.. and now I feel like my stomach is full of junk!

Yikes.. Head is back in the game.. Tomorrow I'm back at the gym.. and my Weight Loss Journey will Continue!

hope all is well with the rest of you!
xoxo


Friday, May 15, 2009

I've Got Chills, They're Multiplying..

So I've been having a hard time with work outs this past week, and finally on Thursday I found out why.. 

I awoke on Thursday morning, couldn't swallow at all, my head was pounding... I had felt a tad under the weather before Thursday, but just believed it was because it was so dry at work. 

When I woke up in such a state I immediately called my doctor. I NEVER go to the Doctor..  only to get my birth control renewed, or for my annual. So they got me in A.S.A.P....  My doctor asked the usual questions, and I responded honestly.. fever ? No.  Sore throat? yes. Ear Ache? Actually yes. So she then went to hear my breathing. I was having a horrible time taking a deep breath.. and she said, "holy cow, you're very hot, you have a terrible fever"... Oopsy! I should have realized  that it was the first time in weeks I wasn't cold. Then she looked in my mouth, she said, you have strep.. then she looked in my ears, and turns out I have a double ear infection too! Also did I mention I was vomiting in the office, so I have a stomach flu too! OH MY GOODNESS!

So needless to say I haven't worked out since Tuesday, I haven't been counting my points, because I have only been eating soup and drinking coffee (who knew coffee was good for ear infections? Thanks Mr. Pharmacist!).. So who knows what the scale is going to reflect tomorrow. 

I emailed my weight watchers leader.... Told her how defeated I felt... she ordered me to realize I am not invincible, and to feel free to ask for help any time I feel weak. I can't always be the strong one for the other girls at weight watchers. I have a horrible time admitting that I need help, that I'm weak, that I've been defeated... Thank God for Nancy.. she's my angel, and because of her I was able to give up this week, and realize it's out of my control. 

I don't know how I'll do tomorrow, but in all honesty I don't care. I know I am a strong woman who will bounce back from this. 

I probably won't be able to post tomorrow, I am headed to the States to spend the Canadian Long Weekend (Victoria Day AKA May 2-4, in celebration of Queen Victoria) at Darien Lake in  New York State.. I hope I can go there and still get better.. we're camping out! Lord help me.. but at least I have the good drugs!

I need to go to bed.. and try to nurse myself back to health before the morning.. Maybe going to work and trying to push through this wasn't a smart idea.. my doctor told me to stay home, but I feel the pressure of the responsibilities I have.. see can't admit defeat!

Take care everyone... I'll post my results soon! 
xoxo

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Joyful Joyful..


Okay so the big news??

 I didn't gain!!!!

Can I get a Woot Woot??

I am ridiculously happy that I didn't gain an ounce!

Halleluah!

I ended up losing 0.2 pounds.. and you know what.. I'm okay with that.. I see it as a step, a very tiny one perhaps, but a step nonetheless, in the right direction!

My girlfriend who attends Weight Watchers with me, ended up hitting her goal today. She lost a total of 20 pounds. I must say I am so proud of her, but at the same time I'm jealous. If I only had had 20 pounds to lose.. ahh how nice would that have been? I've lose more than 50% more than that, and know that when all is said and done I'll have lost about 80 pounds! Oh my goodness.. makes my goal seem all that much farther away.. but I shan't focus on that.. I am so proud of her, and today I must remember that she worked just as hard to lose that 20 as I am to lose my 80!

I have to jaunt over to my parent's house..  I do look forward to going home, and at the same time.. I don't...  YIKES! There is just so much stress with going home. First of all, my bank account is horribly low, and my credit card is horribly high.. so that's no fun.. it's Mother's day, so I suppose we'll be expected to go out for Mother's day brunch tomorrow.. now usually I pay, but after building my house this past year, and furnishing it, and losing all my over time.. well lets just face it.. Kirsti doesn't have a whole lot of money! So there's the financial aspect.. then there is the food aspect.. there is always a crap load of bad food around.. I'm hoping that I can resist whatever is put out!
 
Then there is my transportation issues.. my wonderful baby is sick (that's my car folks....) and so since she's ill, she's in the car hospital.. now I have full faith that Lexi will pull through, the doctors just don't know what's wrong with her right now.. she's a toddler, only 2 years old, so she should be strong enough.. and since they can't diagnose her properly, they got me a rental, and it's BIG and UGLY.... they got me a freaking red PT Cruiser.. sorry if you love those cars, but it's SOOOO not me.. I have a black sporty car... love it! lol.. the only good thing about the PT Cruiser, it matches my red blackberry! lol.. but anyway the reason this is an issue.. it has a crappy stereo, and... no sun roof... OMG! LOL.. and it's a GAS GUZZLER! Soo not happy about this, but until my baby is well again.. I'll have to deal with this one.. 
*side note... total fluke with my car.. it's an amazing car, and a wonderful make and model.. not usual.. please don't feel like I'm giving you a testimonial about the car company!*

Anyway so I hope you're all doing well.. I'm hoping to push on into the 180's next week.. only need to lose 1.1 or more!!! :)
Keep your fingers (and toes, and eyes, and tongue, and legs and arms, and.... ) crossed for me!!!
Have a fabulous weekend kiddies!
xoxo

Friday, May 8, 2009

um.. good morning?

Well hello there, it's morning time, it's 5:28am to be precise... 

I get up every morning at 3:30am, and go to the gym, I leave the house by 4am, get to the gym about 4:15am, work out until 5;30am, and then shower and leave for work... this week I've done it twice, and worked out after work once.. I've been tired!

I don't know what it is, but I feel like someone has been kicking my ass, I'm soo damn tired all the time.. could it be the weight loss? Is my body rebelling? 

Gosh! I hate feeling like a whiny baby, I just don't understand where the motivation has gone.. now don't get me wrong, I already have my gym bag packed for tonight, but I just feel like I could have made such a difference this week.. 

I'm prepared for a gain this week, I've got it in my head that I am going up on the scale, and I hate it, but I can't sit here and cry about it when I KNOW I have done it to myself.. I haven't put in the effort the last 2 weeks that I needed to.. so you know what.. it's still a new month.. I can start over again today, tonight, tomorrow! I will be able to turn it around and get back to Motivational Me!

Sorry for this horrible early morning post... I still was able to plant a smile on my face for the pic.. (don't mind the no make up look! LOL) .... I need something today... 

I'm going for coffee with one of my Weight Watcher girls today.. maybe she can do something to jump start me again.. or maybe I need to not depend on someone else and just kick my own ass back into shape!

I hope everyone has a fabulous day and can ignore me and my rant! LOL

Take it easy, I'll post again tomorrow after my Weigh In!! Yikes! (it's gonna be okay!)
xoxo

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Yikes! This week is going to the dogs!!!


What a week, what a week.. 

So where do I start? 
How about Saturday night.. it was a night full of carnage, from the drinking, to the eating, and back again.. and yet.. I didn't go waayy overboard.. but I still did more than I would usually do, but it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I figured I'd just do it.. 

well that was mistake #1.. the salt in the food made me balloon up.. I know I am STILL retaining water.. the scale at the gym says I've gained 6 pounds!!! 6 FREAKING POUNDS! I am hoping that scale is out of whack, and that I can work out enough and drink enough water that the carnage won't have an effect on Saturday's weigh in!

mistake #2.. well it wasn't a mistake.. I went on a BAD FIRST DATE last night.. the guy is head over heels for me.. seriously.. on the first date he was talking about what our CHILDREN will look like.. yes that's right.. here I am contemplating whether or not I want to go on another date with the guy, and he's picking out names! YIKES!!!

Next work wanted me to be on day shift again this week.. they called me at home on friday night.. I was supposed to be on afternoons.. so I cancelled my doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for since OCTOBER 2007.. YES 2007! I also cancelled a dental appointment, a massage, and put off landscaping my front walkway and flowerbeds... and then work has the nerve to tell me 4 hours into Monday that on Tuesday I'll be back on afternoons.. HECK NO TECHNO is the nicest way I could tell them there wasn't a hope in Hell I'd be doing that.. so here I am still on day shift, working away at a special project that was technically finished on Monday.. can you say BORING?

Then my car decided to go to poopy world.. it keeps stalling and having a hard time to speed up to 50 km/hr (that's about 30 miles per hour for you Americans!)... so my fuel pump is gone.. now because it's still under warranty they say they can't fit it in until next Thursday (I called last friday.. and it was going to be a 13 day wait?? WTF?? ) .. they won't give me a loaner, but offered to call the rental car company for me.. and I'd be paying.. WTF? So I called a different Toyota dealership, and no problemo, they are going to come pick my car up from work tomorrow and fix the damn fuel pump while I work away .. and deliver it back for me by the time I'm done work.. Thank God, but let me say.. driving it right now is scary as hell! It's only 2 years old, and purely a fluke.. toyota's don't break down.. I love them!

And now the icing on the cake.. I feel fat, and bloated, and my monthly visitor is mega late.. but I know I'm not preggers.. I haven't done the thing in which you need to do to get preggers in a VERY LONG TIME!!! LOL

Wow crazy venting blog.. sorry guys!
I have stayed faithful with my food since saturday, and cannot wait to get back to the gym again tomorrow!
Hope someone out there is having a less Yikes worthy week than I! 
xoxo
p.s .. that's my parents dog Fergie in the pic.. full name Ferguson McTavish.. lol... who knew we'd have a scottish puppy! LOL

Saturday, May 2, 2009

So happy I could kiss a sea horse!


I have nothing to say.. I am purely stumped. 
How did I lose this week? 

I was so nervous, so stressed, and so worried about losing weight that I was doing some self sabotaging, and now here I sit.. 1.6 pounds lighter!!!! I am at my lowest weight ever with 191.2 (it kept bouncing between 191.0 and 191.2 so I told her I'd take the .2 instead, that way I can lose more next week! LOL)... I'm gonna be a rock star in no time.. okay maybe not a rock star, but I am gonna be in the 180's soon.. oh my! Soo exciting.. not scared anymore! 

I am soo damn proud of myself, and now I feel like queen of the world again!

I am in a huge rush, my brother is coming over today, he hasn't been to my house since just shortly after it was built, so it's been about 5 months! Can't wait to have him all alone, away from his wifey (love her, but I need some brother time!).. 

I hope everyone has a super fantastic week, 
try something new for a fitness activity. 
I will blog again soon!

xoxo

p.s picture is me and Mr.SeaHorse at the Toronto Zoo last year.. and no, there isn't a Mrs SeaHorse!!!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

A Myriad of Nothing...

Egads.... 

I've had another shitty week.. lots of stress... but no drama thank the lord!
I was on "Special Project" team this week at work. We basically had to take a square peg and fit it into a much smaller round hole.. 
So I've been bad with working out, and bad with food.. WTF? 

I realized after my last blog that I was at my LOWEST ADULT WEIGHT!!!
Now for some people that may have motivated you to work hard, and eat right.. but for me.. nope.... 
Instead I got scared.. I kept thinking.. Shit I'm actually succeeding... now what if I lose all the weight, and then gain it all back.. This pathetic little voice in the back of my head spurring me on.. trying to get me all riled up.. and when you think about it.. that's soo sad.. because that's just my insecurities talking.. 
So I started back on track on Wednesday, knowing I had gained some weight, most likely water weight, and worked out really hard.. but I'm still over tired and just got a bomb dropping email from an ex and now I feel like a piece of junk.. 

Why is it that I can be SOOOOO strong when it comes to everything in my life, except weight and men?? 

I need to get a mind change. I need to remember I'm worthy. I'm worth the effort to be thin, beautiful and happy. 
I'm worth being treated like gold. 
I'm worth it.. 

Weigh in tomorrow. You know I'll be back to blog.. 
until then.. 
xoxo

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I'm Walking on Sunshine.. Oh Oh!!!

Well this week was incredibly hard, but... I worked through everything. 
I made it to the gym everyday, tried Hot Yoga, spent time with friends, and came out ahead.. 
My goal was to hit the 30 pound mark... 

I lost 3.2 pounds this week... 3.2 pounds!!!!
Sooo happy... 

Are you wondering now if I hit the 30 pound mark?? 
Not only did I hit the mark... I destroyed it!!!!

I'm officially at 31.6 pounds down.. yes I said 31.6 Pounds Down!!!!! Down down down.. that's where I'm going.. and I am so unbelievably proud of myself!!

I don't have much else to say, but I did want to post the amazing results from a week of really hard work. 
I also upped my points by 1 -2 every day. With all the working out I knew I had to do something. So if anyone is struggling to lose weight, but you stick with your daily points.. maybe you should try that... especially if you're working out!
Thanks again to all of you and your support.. you know I love you all!
Cheers to you guys, 
have a great (sunny!!!) weekend!
xoxo

Thursday, April 23, 2009

My Oh My!!

Well my dear friends, I have had one HELL of a week! 

There isn't too much to say.. I can't go into massive detail.. lets just say the Greek man and I are done. We had a HORRIBLE date on Tuesday, and I can honestly say I can't be bothered thinking about him anymore. 

However this being said.. I know who my darling and dear friends truly are. I have people, people who are my rocks, people who I can rely on, who I can turn to in times of struggle.... they are MY PEOPLE.... 

Tonight I was sitting here, and although I was done my points for the day, I kept thinking about how much I could eat soon, and just binge out. I also thought about how when I was done bingeing I would also purge. I haven't done that in a long time.. and there I was sitting on the couch watching last night's American Idol (yay, glad by the results!), thinking about all these horrible things I could be doing to my body!

Suddenly a voice deep down was like "What the hell are you thinking woman? Why have you worked so hard these past 4 months? Why would you do that to your body, and set yourself back by weeks? Why would you want to screw up your metabolism? Why are you punishing yourself?" ... Out of no where there was this self control.. and you know where that self control was from? It's my weight loss gang. Not only my people, but you people too! If I had sabotaged myself, I would have blogged, and you all would have said what my inner voice had said! 

So I'm feeling good. I figure FUCK THE DUDE.. he's an ass, and I am NO LONGER WILLING TO COMPROMISE ANYTHING FOR  A MAN!! I DESERVE THE FRIGGIN' BEST!!!!

I'm taking care of myself. I have a plan to go to the gym in the morning, (been everyday this week, even Wednesday when all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and drown in my sorrows!), and then tomorrow night I am going to do Hot Yoga with one of my darling girlfriends!  Have you tried Hot Yoga?? It's freaking amazing! It's pricey (usually about $15 - $20 for a 90 minute session...) but worth every penny. I did it on Monday with my weight watchers buddy Teresa.. I sweated out 2 pounds of water! 2 Freaking Pounds!!!! I felt much healthier and full of less crap! It's supposed to be a detoxifier of sorts.. and I can see why.. if you do try it, make sure you're really well hydrated!!!!!

Anyway I feel good. Despite the fact that this week has been incredibly stressful, and emotional.. Be proud of me.. I did not cry once this week!!!!  I have only been pushing myself daily.. pushing myself to be proud of myself, pushing myself to make other's proud, and pushing myself to make a difference in my own life!

I can't live my life hoping to be made happy by someone else.. I need to make myself happy, and if I meet someone else who I enjoy along the way, well that's a bonus! I'm actually feeling very empowered.. I don't know if I've lost weight this week, but I feel like I made one hell of an effort. 

I just want to say, one blogger wrote about all the things she's thankful for in her blog... I don't want to go into too much, but I do want to say.. I am sooooo thankful for my people, both in my daily world, and in my blogging world!!!
I wouldn't still be on this journey without the support I get from both my Worlds!!!
Thanks guys!
Much love, 
xoxo