I'm at a point where I need to find happiness in who I am.. I find a lot of my self worth comes from being with a man, or trying to lose weight, so people will tell me how good I look.

Apparently I'm a desireable girl. Guys want to date me. They aren't utterly repulsed by my face, or body (shocker!), or hair, or overall appearance... So why is it that I'm stressing so hard over the fact that I'm not 150 pounds? Why can't I see myself as a gorgeous woman? Why can't I feel sexy?

Why do I want to lose weight? Is it because I want to be healthy? (at one point that may have been true. But what benefit does being healthy bring me right now? Sure I'll live longer... but who will I spend that time with? (can you tell I'm really lonely?)...) Is it because society tells me I need to be thin? (Not really, since 2 out of 3 Americans are "Obese".... I know I'm Canadian, but our society isn't that different...) Is it because I want to be smokin' hot? (Hell Yeah!)..

So now that I know this is merely a vanity thing... I have to then really think about this... If I want to change my hair colour, do I wait years to do it? No, I do it ASAP....
If I want to buy that new "it" clothing item, do I buy anything else, telling myself that will be my "next" purchase? No...again.. I get it (as long as it's not waaaayyy outta my price range!)..

So why is it that I'm putting this off?

Not only that... I'm working out like mad.. only to eat like a crazy son of a gun... That's just ridiculous! How about not exercising.... and just not eating the crazy food.. then I can have way more sleep and my legs won't hurt so much.. I also won't feel like everything I'm doing is for nothing! Like I'm running on a treadmill, and just not getting anywhere!

So ... how am I going to go about this?
That, ladies and gentlemen, is a very, very good question!

I'll check in again soon.
xoxo