I have a rumbly in my tumbly...

Ahh good old Winnie the Pooh.. he sure knew how to enjoy the sweeter things in life.. 


So I have no idea what I want to say today.. 


We have a great used DVD shop in Ontario... and I frequently visit their store and find some rare treasures. A couple months ago I picked up a series called "Huge".. now some of you may have seen it when it was on the telly, but I don't believe I have the channel that carried it. 


It's about a group of kids at fat camp.. and even though they are all supposed to be around the age of 17 (I assume...) I can totally identify with what these kids are feeling.. 


Feelings of no self worth, anxiety about being weighed, disappointing their loved ones, never being good enough to be loved... all the body issues.. 


Then even the ones that seem somewhat satisfied with their bodies are still wishing for some changes, like if only the fat in my thighs would migrate to my boobs, or hips, or butt.. 


Sadly since I put back on a lot of weight I'm now built like a beer keg... forget the 6 pack.. I'd like to get to a 24! 


I know I'm not the biggest girl out there, but I feel that way.. I feel like I'm not sexy, not pretty, that I'm dull and the only thing that makes me stand out is my fat... 


BUT.. saying this... I know it's not true.. 


I had a moment last weekend... My boyfriend's sister in law was doing a treatment on my back (I recently had a car accident, and she's a physiotherapist) and she and I started to chat about the family... and she told me she was so happy I've entered the group.. telling me I'm funny, I have a great smile, I laugh a lot, and am very pretty... she loves how I dress... my stories.. 


I couldn't help but get a little choked up.. this girl who has no real reason to say such things to me.. and she lifted me up.. sometimes we need these people in our lives.. 


Two weeks ago I woke up to a message on facebook from a dear friend of mine, Rachel. Rachel and I have a funny history to our friendship. I went to Cuba to be a bridesmaid in a horrific wedding fiasco.. and Rach and her husband were at the same resort.. we seemed to just randomly realize that we were kindred spirits, and we've been ever so close since then.. that was 2010... Anyway so 2 weeks ago she sent me an uplifting message.. again telling me how great I am.. for no reason at all.. and I will cherish her words forever.. but remembering them in times of despair will be the hard part... that is always the hard part.. isn't it? 


I think we all tend to gravitate to the Eeyore feelings in life "oh no.. nobody likes me.. I'll never be good enough.. so I'll just wag my tail and wait for another day to pass me by...".. and that's an easy place to fall into ... however we need to stop.. look around, and realize that when we have self doubt about how wonderful we truly are, we are doubting the people who love and care for us, for they've chosen to be in our lives for a reason!


I don't feel like it's a huge epiphany to come to these conclusions.. but I think it was definitely something I needed to realize.. 


I hope that you realize that the people in your life, your friends, your loved ones, they are there for a reason.. there are tons of people in this world.. but they chose you.. sure your family has to acknowledge you, but we all know you can cut them out of your life if you really don't like them *thank God I don't have that issue!*... so if you start to have self doubt today.. take a minute and think about why others choose to be your friend! It's quite an eye opener.. 


Anyway.. I'm going to go have some breaky... so until next time.. 


xoxo