Okay, well.. 12 hours until the weigh in... 

My mind is RACING! Full of questions.. 

How did I do? 

Did I work hard enough?

Did I hit my 25 pound goal?

Am I out of the 200's?

Deep breaths Kirst, deep breaths. 

This picture is a bit of inspiration. It was taken 2 days before my brother's wedding. The only girl in it that I like.. is my best friend. She's the one in green on the far left. The rest are my brother's wife (second from the right) and her friends..  I was a slammin' 194 lbs at this point... I was tanned, in a new relationship, and happier than I've been since.. well I'm happy again... but it took me almost 18 months to get back to it.. 

Other than weight what was it that made me so unhappy?? I hate to say this.. but it really was my ex... when he and I first got together every thing was amazing. He was full of life, with goals, and dreams. One of the most ambitious people I'd met... and then.. it changed. He became very lazy, lost interest in succeeding via work.. He put on 40 pounds, quit all jobs he had, and began to rely on me for his happiness, and depended on me financially. I came to a breaking point when I began to build my house and he declared he was moving in with me. Having a brand new house was going to be hard enough already, but adopting a 27 year old Mooch who's mother said I wasn't good enough for her boy.. well that wasn't going to happen. How horrible it is to have the mother of the man you love (sorry.. boy) tell you you aren't good enough.. I was too good!

I've had to take a couple steps back recently, since I began dating again.. I had to realize what I deserved.. I deserve love, kindness, compassion, energy, and .. the world. 

I am not looking for someone to put me on a pedestal, but for them to adore me.. as I adore them.. 

The cowboy didn't work out. He didn't have time for me, and I do believe he isn't ready for a relationship, however, the guy I went out with last week is amazing. Now please don't think I jump from man to man.. this isn't so. New guy (Let's call him Greek; because he is!) and I have been chatting for over 3 months! We know a lot about each other. He calls me every day and we chat for at least 30 minutes. Everything about our "first date" (I call it our first date, he said that we've been talking so long that it's like our 10th...) was perfect.. As soon as I saw him I gave him the biggest hug in the world, didn't feel awkward whatsoever! He brought me a gift (okay I don't mean he had to bring me something, but it was soo sweet.... ) ... while we've been talking he had a trip to Hong Kong.. and while there he saw a necklace he thought I'd love and got it for me. We ended up talking until very late, and he gave me a terrific kiss!!! 

So now that I'm dating dating, I know how I need to be treated, I know how I need to feel, and I know that I can't rely on a man to make me happy, but I also cannot allow him to make me unhappy!

Does any of this make sense? 

NO?

Okay then.. I want to lose 2 pounds this week! LOL

Have a great night guys, and I will let you know how I did!

xoxo