So I'm supposed to put myself first eh?

The crazy thing about this "thing" we're all doing, this crazy little weight loss "thing" is that we need to be Selfish, we need to take a step back and begin to put ourselves first, our needs first, our emotions first.... 

I'm a single girl, I have no kids, my family all live at least 2 hours away... So in reality you may wonder why it would be SO hard for me to do this.. but believe me it is. I have friends that I will go out of my way to be sure they are doing well, I call home constantly to see how everyone is. I call my brother and his wife up in the boonies of Sudbury to find out what's new (if I don't call.. I'll never know...)... and I will do anything to be sure I put myself second.. 

I've put myself first 4 times this past year... 

#1 - I built my dream home for myself... just being that frivolous and doing something for me.. all the planning, all the buying... I spent more money than some see in a year, just on things for the house. I got the appliances I wanted (is it weird to say my appliances are sexy??), I got the couch I wanted.. I bought a bed that just makes you want to have sex... I did it all.. and it's all for me...  (the bed has yet to see some sex..... lol)...

 #2 - I broke up with the one guy who has ever loved me... hardest thing I've ever had to do.. because the fat girl inside of me kept telling me "don't do it.. no one will ever love you again" oh my! How hard it was to pull away from him, end it and move forward. Now, in retrospect I know that someone will love me again.. and this time it's going to be a healthy relationship! My ex is a great guy, but not a great guy for me... if that makes sense.. He too has issues to deal with, and once he does, he's gonna be a fantastic husband.. for someone else...  I just couldn't stay in a relationship that always made me feel bad about myself.. and where I was giving 110% and he was only showing up for part of it... if that makes sense.. so totally that was for me... 

#3 - I took some courses at work and applied for a promotion.. and I got it.. this was totally for me.. I can't be lugging around car doors and hoods for ever. I can't be welding 9 hours a day when I want to have babies.. so now I over see it all, and although I may have to work online a couple hours a day, I am much healthier and happier on this side of the fence.. stepping out of my comfort zone and going for a promotion a lot of the guys wanted.. that was all for me!

#4 - I went on my dream trip with my best friend in December 2008.. I went to New York (freakin') City!!!! I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that place is! (Expensive too..... oh well!), It was what I've dreamed about for years, The Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, Times Square, Broadway Shows, Central Park, China Town, Rockefeller Centre, and the lighting of the Rockefeller tree.. it was amazing! Then there's the shopping, Macy's, Bloomingdales, Saks Fifth Ave., Tiffany's, FAO Schwartz ( I danced on the big piano from BIG!).....  this was a dream  vacation for me.. I enjoyed every minute of it.. and spent a mint.. and LOVED it!!!

So now.. I have to figure out where to put myself first now? My ex called me about an hour ago.. he wanted to "See" me.. a booty call no doubt.. I lied, (I know I'm horrid) and told him I was having company over.. don't get me wrong.. I'd love a little booty call.. but not from him!.. It really would be sooo EASY to go back to him.. but all this progress I've made.. it would be flushed down the drain... I could have told him to come on over, get my shits and giggles out of the visit.. and make him happy.. but I didn't.. I said no.. and although that upset him.. it's what I needed to do in this situation to put myself first... 

So where else do I put myself first??  

 

Am I the only one with this dilemma?  Times are tough and I find myself sitting home alone a lot more than I used to. I have my Wii which I love, with my Wii Fit, Dance Dance Revolution 2, and guitar hero.. ooh and Mario Kart.. whee... and yet I won't sit and play.. as soon as I have this time I'm either cleaning the house, or calling people to see how they are.... where do I put myself first? Am I doing it now? I'm confused. 

My shrink told me on Thursday that I have to put myself first more.. I thought I was doing a pretty good job, but apparently I'm not. Apparently I have to cut all ties with my ex... yikes..  I just don't know what to do next.  I work out at least an hour a day.. and that's my "Kirsti Time"

but after that I'm running errands, calling my folks to see what they need me to do ... 

I'm not horribly stressed. In fact writing this blog makes me soo darn proud of myself. Seeing the things you've accomplished in the last year is always nice! And that's not including the weight loss!!! But I do know my shrink is telling it how it is.. she sees that I'm not fully living for me.. and as she said, if I don't start putting myself first my weight loss will stop, and I'm gonna end up in another disastrous relationship.. oh my!

Anyone have a suggestion on how to put myself first?? I really need some advice!

You know it's funny.. as I finish up this blog I'm smiling a little more.. I think even writing this was a step in the right direction. I am going to go and get a movie, and make something fab for supper.. 

I hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday!!!